


Letting Go of the Pain

by rusduv4



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Hinata Shouyou, Everyone Is Gay, Fraternities & Sororities, Hinata Harem, M/M, Mostly plot with some porn, Slow Burn, atsumu is a simp, football jock bois, hinata is sort of a hoe, hinata is sort of ooc, please like my story, there is sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 88,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27295576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rusduv4/pseuds/rusduv4
Summary: Hinata is just trying to graduate university, sure he's been irresponsible in the past, but he's not going to go to parties, or sleeping with random guys anymore. He's done with relationships all together, it's time to move forward. However there's a certain tall simp on the football team that can't keep his eyes off of the short guy with orange hair. A fic written in different perspectives from all my fave characters. Basically instead of volleyball, they're all football jocks. Hinata has had a bad relationship in the past, will Atsumu be able to help him let go of the pain from his past?Also the first few chapters are pretty heavily based off of the fic Usually by KennedyDreyar and MoroNoKimi (linked here https://archiveofourown.org/works/26330551/chapters/64119574). Please check out their fic, but mine is going to be drastically different I'm just a dummy and I need somewhere to start off and then my brain goes wild. So if you really like jock footbal bois their fic is also really great!
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Osamu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, minor hinata shouyou/oikawa
Comments: 68
Kudos: 158





	1. Kuroo POV: Love at First Pass

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you like it! This is my first Haikyuu fic I've written. I'm ALL about those rare pairs bois and gals, Atsuhina for life, fight me on it.

Kuroo's POV

This happened probably a few months ago now. It was during one of our grueling early morning practices in the cold. Most people weren’t even alive at this point on a Monday morning after a weekend of partying, but here was the varsity line up pulling out the practice equipment at the crack of fucking dawn. Most of us weren’t even on campus this early, but with a week to go before the national championship we had no time to waste. But as we brought our gym bags, and practice equipment out onto the frost covered turf we realized there was already someone running out here at 5 in the morning.

Even with the ear muffs he was easy to spot out, the bright orange hair giving it away. He ran at a breakneck pace with ease, checking his watch every so often to see his time. The star of the cross country and track team, and my childhood best friend Shouyou Hinata had never skipped a morning run since the 5th grade. He used to only run a mile, but I’m sure he runs at least 10 kilometers every morning. He says he needs to burn the energy since he doesn’t bike over the mountains anymore. Yet I still can’t figure how he does it.

“Chibi-chan’s out early,” I mused to Bokuto who nodded with a proud smile.

“My son has an incredible work ethic! Even though he’s not on the team anymore he’s still my best disciple!” Bokuto said a little too loudly and a little too energetically for how early it was. I heard Iwaizumi groan loudly at Bokuto’s volume level. Bokuto was another one I didn’t understand, he always has this much energy at all times, but Bokuto was a force to be reckoned with, one of the best defensive players in the nation.

“Son?” Atsumu said and both of us turned to see a strange expression on his face.

Atsumu was the school’s golden child, first string varsity quarterback in his freshman year, and was an incredible player to boot. He melded easily with the team and brought out the best in his teammates even though he was arrogant, bratty, and incredibly self centered most of the time. If we didn’t send him a good pass he’d call you out and call you a “scrub” in that annoying southern accent of his. He didn’t care about anyone or anything unless they were on his level or benefited him in some way. If you didn’t catch up, you were left behind, that’s the type of asshole he was.

Yet...he had some sort of strange look on his face as he glanced over at Hinata. Not sure if it was the cold that brought the slight blush to his cheeks, or the way he watched Hinata as he continued his run, unaware of the spectators. Atsumu seemed transfixed, like watching a car chase in an action movie, unable to turn away.

“Yeah he’s my son! He was on the football team with me in high school! I adopted him as my own!” Bokuto said loudly and I chuckled quietly.

“Why isn’t he on the football team here?” Atsumu asked, and now that was a strange thing for him to say, incredibly unexpected.

“Um...not at liberty to say,” I said and Atsumu gave me a questioning look before turning his eyes back to Hinata.

Not my place to say that his previous partner ruined his ability to continue playing, wrecked him emotionally to the point where he wouldn’t even get out of bed. But...that’s not my story to tell. I just watch over him, and make sure Hinata’s safe...that’s all that matters. Plus if I let anything happen to Hinata I’m sure Kenma would murder me himself.

So we set up practice and went to work mostly ignoring the very focused guy as he kept running around the track outside of the field. It wasn’t until about an hour in we realized Atsumu hadn’t been focusing at all, even when his brother smacked his head he still didn’t come out of his trance, his eyes always searching for that orange hair. We chose to ignore it in place of doing drills until Atsumu completely missed the pass from Bokuto and the ball flew straight into Hinata knocking him over slightly.

“MY SON I’M SO SORRY!” Bokuto yelled as he ran over.

I also jogged behind him, and...funnily enough Atsumu did as well. Hinata groaned as he took Bokuto’s hand and stood up clutching his side. But his eyes dropped looking at the time on his watch. “I was so close to my personal best!” He said, not even caring that he was just hit with one of Bokuto’s football passes, that could honestly be considered more of a spike with the speed and power in which he throws.

“How close were you?! When’s your next race?” Bokuto asked excitedly and Hinata flashed him one of his signature “sunshine smiles” as I’d trademarked it a long time ago. They also completely forgot the reason we rushed over to check on them, which is to be expected.

“I’ve got my 10k down to almost 45 minutes!” He said to Bokuto and all of us paled at the speed in which he was running. “But I was working on my marathon time this morning!” He said waving his arms around for emphasis, but wincing slightly at the definite bruise forming on his side.

“Good job Chibi, what are you down to 3 hours now?” I asked him as I knelt down and lifted his shirt slightly with his permission to check the damage.

“Almost! I think I can get it down another 5 minutes with some more training,” he said with a bright smile, and I saw the large bruise forming on his side.

“You were running a marathon this morning?” Atsumu asked and Hinata turned his eyes towards the 3rd awkward bystander.

“I do 3 times a week!” He said brightly, and Atsumu paled at that.

“How is that humanly possible?” He asked as his eyes scanned this tiny guy, who shouldn’t be as fast as he is, but somehow is. Hinata always has defied expectations, it’s what he’s best at.

“Chibi-chan you should head home, this bruise’ll get worse if you don’t ice it,” I said to him, and he looked at me with a sad expression. I could see Bokuto’s hair deflating as he was no doubt blaming himself, but technically speaking it was Atsumu’s fault for not catching the pass that he’s never missed before.

“But Kurro I had one more mile and-.”

“Hinata,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him and he gulped, but nodded. I’ve been like an older brother to him for a long time, and probably one of the only people who can convince him to stop, other than Kenma that is.

“Okay Kuroo, come by for breakfast later when you’re done,” he said with a bright smile.

Atsumu’s face was scrunched up in some kind of foolish jealousy at the fact that not only would Hinata listen to me, I was also invited to breakfast. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide the growing shit eating grin on my face at seeing this asshole seethe.

“Sure thing Chibi, do you want me to walk you back?” I asked him.

“No! I already disrupted your practice, I’ll make sure to run somewhere else when you’re on the field,” He said, and it took everything in me to hold back my laugh as Atsumu looked _devastated_ at the fact he couldn’t oggle Hinata during morning practice anymore.

“Okay, but make sure to message me when you’re back okay,” I said as I patted his head.

“Sure thing Kuroo! You’re invited to breakfast too Bokuto-san! Akaashi’s bringing strawberries from home!” He said brightly, turning to Bokuto.

“Hey, hey, hey! I’ll be there my son!” He said triumphantly.

He didn’t say anything else to Atsumu, only offering him another sunshine smile and a wave as he turned to leave. Walking back to the rest of the group Atsumu had another strange look on his face, and a dopey grin. Like he was trying to figure out a difficult play, I could see the gears churning in his head as he walked back to the team.

“Atsumu!” Hinata called and we all turned again to see Hinata waving holding the ball in his hand. “Catch!”

Hinata’s throws were always perfect, I remember that when I used to watch his games in high school. He easily threw with almost an instinctual level of accuracy and power. I watched Atsumu’s eyes widen as he perfectly threw the ball directly to him, it landed in his hands with a quiet thump, but Hinata was already gone running back to his dorm.

“He can throw like that?” Atsumu asked incredulously, staring at him.

“Chibi-chan is a force to be reckoned with on the field,” I said to him and he peered slightly over at me before looking down at the ball in his hand.

“What’s his name?” Atsumu asked me and I smirked...seems that Chibi-chan has charmed another jock football player.

“Shoyou Hinata,” I said to him.

“Shoyou,” he said with a dream-like quality to his voice.

“Get back to practice moron, now that you can focus,” Osamu said as he smacked his brother again in the back of the head and the rest of the team laughed as he put his usual asshole look back on his face.

"Fuck you!” He said and we went back to our drills. But that was the day something changed in Atsumu, and the way his features would slightly soften when he’d daydream. This is going to be a mess, and I know it. I’ll have to tell Kenma about it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	2. OIkawa POV: Physical Needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING I'M BEING REAL  
> Yeah I haven't done one of the main character POVs yet, because I'm anxious and shy about my writing. Plus idk why, but the minor character point of view stories are so interesting to me, like in the Great Gatsby, it's told from Nick's POV is sort of kinda what I'm going for here. I am going to write in both Hinata and Atsumu's POV, but that's...later. There is SEX IN THIS CHAPTER, very consensual, but it's there. Please don't read it if you don't like that, also talk about past emotional abuse, Hinata is a pure boi who loves too much.

I’ve known Hinata for a while, since the pint sized guy flirted with me unabashedly last year at a frat party after taking too many tequila shots and decisively beating everyone at beer pong. Taking him back to my bedroom wasn’t something I planned, but...it was really good. However it was very obvious to me that he was another one of the dozens who came before who were willing to sleep with anyone or anything to mask the pain of something bad in his past. 

“Oikawa! Hey!” I heard him say and turned to see him walking over to me, two jello shots in his hand. His shirt is already mostly unbuttoned, showing off his toned chest, and that incredibly adorable red tinge to his cheeks he gets when he’s tipsy. 

“Shorty,” I said as I accepted the jello shot from him and we both downed it.

“Can you believe it, Omi turned me down! He said he’s making out with some frat guy,” he said as he kept moving closer to me. 

“Wow you were turned down for the first time, what will you do?” I said sarcastically peering down at the guy. He sighed dramatically and rested his head on my chest. 

Even in the middle of the KYU party all I could focus on was the warm body pressed up against me. I could feel his heartbeat steady on my abdomen. “You’re not this desperate unless something happened,” I said to him finally after a moment of silence. 

“Nothing happened,” he said too quickly. 

“Right,” I said as I chuckled when he grumbled into my chest. 

“Just...I want someone to tell me I’m worth their time,” he said quietly and my smile fell. 

“You are worth people’s time,” I said to him as I grabbed his shoulders and moved him back to look at me. 

“Really?” He asked, and it pained me how much sadness was in his eyes. 

“Yeah of course, you’re great, you’re worth more than sex Shoyo,” I said to him and I knew he was too drunk to retain what I was saying, and maybe I was enabling his destructive bahavior, but I still leaned down and kissed him, biting his bottom lip as I pulled back. 

“Just hold me, it’ll be the last time I promise. I just...don’t want to be alone tonight,” he said, the slight glisten of tears close to spilling over made me weak. Although he was good at getting his way, he knew how to make me melt. 

So I took his hand in mine and we left the frat house and walked towards my dorm building. His hands were warm and clammy in mine, but he didn’t let go, and I had no intention of letting go either. He didn’t mind when I pushed him onto my bed and kissed his neck, his mind being momentarily freed from insecure thoughts, and anxiety. I imagined my lips would kiss his pain away, and every mark I left behind reminded him how much everyone cared for him. But...emotional abuse is hard to shake. 

His attitude changed drastically after his first semester of university. By summer time he’d slept with dozens of people, the reigning beer pong champion on campus, and probably one of the most popular people on campus. It seems almost surprising looking at this short guy, who’s all muscle and excitement with a 100 kilowatt smile. Recently we began a sort of on again off again relationship in the past few months, but I don’t think either of us took it too seriously. I think in a lot of ways I do care about him, but I’m always one to take advantage of a situation if it’s in my favor. 

“Oikawa I said en-oh god!” Hinata said as he gripped onto the bed sheets as I thrusted into him again. 

“You said it was the last time right, I want you to remember me Shorty,” I said as I rubbed on his stomach slightly, feeling myself thrusting inside of him through his buff abs. Hinata came to me at the party after Omi turning him down asking to have sex, not even drunk enough on too much tequilla to be tactful about it. How could I refuse that cute face? I knew as I was fucking him that obviously he had gotten a message from “he-who-shall-not-be-named”. I’m one of the few that Hinata has slept with that he’s let into his friend group. Everyone in his friend group is protective of this broken guy who acts like he’s fine. If this is what I can do for him, it’s what I’ll do.

“Oikawa,” he managed to spit out as his face flushed, his nails dug into my back, but I didn’t mind much. If it made him feel better, I’ll do it for him. 

“You’re so beautiful when you’re like this. Thank you for letting me do this,” I said to him, I try to put in positive affirmation while we do this. Maybe I can even slightly make him feel better. 

“You’re welcome?” He asked, confused. 

“I’m gonna miss having you on my arm this semester. I love your smile, and the way you hold my hand when you want attention. I’m happy to give it to you,” I whispered in his ear lovingly. 

“You mean it?” He asked and I hated how he didn’t believe me,

“Yeah I do, I really do,” I said continually, maybe one day he’ll listen. 

Finally when he was sufficiently listless and his skin that cute shade of pink as he caught his breath through his orgasm I finally pulled out, cumming on his chest. “What will you do without me?” I asked looking down at him, wondering why now he’s breaking this off? Not that we were exactly official to begin with, but why now?

“You and I both know this wasn’t that serious,” He said to me quietly and I nodded as I tied off the condom and threw it in the trash and laid back. “Plus I thought you said you had your sights on someone new?” He asked me, and I smiled slightly thinking about it. 

“Iwa-chan,” I said dreamily and he gave me a look as he put his sweater on and dug around the discarded clothes for his phone and keys. 

“Really?” he asked, confused. Iwaizumi and I have been friends since we were kids, but I’ve never had the courage to say anything in all that time. I’ve slept around my fair share, but...none attracted me more than Iwa’s tan skin. I just wish I knew for sure that he liked me. 

“Yeah, it’s about time,” I said calmly, it was...I had to say it before it’s too late. 

“Well good luck,” He said to me as he found his things and slid on his shoes. 

“Give me a call anytime, I know you can’t get enough of me,” I said with a suggestive tone and he sighed at the door. 

“I don’t think  _ Iwa-chan _ would like that,” he said, putting emphasis on the nickname while rolling his eyes. 

“We can share, I’m sure he’d be down,” I said and he rolled his eyes again. 

“Goodnight Oikawa,” I chuckled lightly as he left my room and shut the door.

Maybe...just maybe he’s finally realizing how bad it is to sleep around constantly. That that won’t mask the pain of his past. He’s been almost calm lately, a strange sereneness on his features. Maybe it was the fact that he was going into his third year of university, or that he won a national championship of his own, or maybe that he’s student body president now he found some sense of closure, but we all knew that wasn’t the truth. All I can do is watch, and protect when I can.

Poor kid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	3. Hinata POV: Text Message Received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes we finally get a main character POV, hopefully this'll clear up some confusion about what's going on, but there's still lots to go! I'll probably post every 3-5 days as the inspiration comes. I love writing trash fics like these lol!

The night air was slightly cold around this time of year, but I didn’t mind. Oikawa sure didn’t hold back tonight. Yet his kind words helped in more ways than he probably even knows. I feel pitiful when I get like this, it’s why I limit my partying to before or after the semester. I get drunk and I start to feel the dread set in. I want someone to be there to make me forget the insecurities, to make me forget the pain, to make me possibly one day delete that god damn number from my phone, but I haven’t gotten there yet. Even the slight buzz and satisfaction after sex wouldn’t settle the demons in my mind tonight. It set me on edge, I now wish I would have drank more, but then Oikawa wouldn’t have had sex with me, so I suppose this is what I have to deal with.

I opened my phone and my eyes lingered on the text message still in my inbox. He does this every so often, and I know better than to message back. It’s to see if I still have his number, which I do, and to see if he still can get under my skin...which he does. I thought at first he really did want to get back together, but as months passed I realized that wasn’t the case. He wants me back, to be under his lock and key again, sometimes I can feel the metaphorical shackles on my wrists again. There's no point in ignoring it, so I clicked on the message.

_How are you?_

It’s so simple, a message you’d assume is just meant to genuinely ask how I am, but that’s not the case. I know that. I haven’t answered back to his past 3 messages, and now he’s desperate to have me answer back. Yet I sighed as I looked at the message below it, knowing that I was right. He is careful, and yet incredibly blunt. He takes what he wants, and if you aren’t useful to him he’ll throw you in the trash. I once thought that wasn’t the case, refused to listen to those around me, but...the truth was staring me in the face and I chose not to look.

_I’ll be in town next week visit me at this hotel_

I only went once right after he broke up with me. I was desperate for his love and attention. I assumed we would reconcile, make up, and maybe we’d go on a date. All I was met with was a nice hotel room, and some very rough sex. He left before we could even talk, and left me money to get home. I hated it, I felt so hurt even more than the breakup had been. I felt like a useless whore, he always would tell me that I’m only good for sex. Those words hurt, especially when his hands that hold my hips while he has his way with me are cold and painful.

So now I just delete the messages, they make me more agitated than anything now. Another reminder of my past failures, and lost dreams. So I forged on ahead, making a path all my own. I was typing out a message to Akaashi on my phone when someone ran right into me, knocking me backwards. I was already cringing about how bad it would hurt to hit the ground on my ass right now when an arm caught me before I could. I looked over and stared into the carmel colored eyes of a one, Atsumu Miya. The star quarterback of our school, and probably the only 20 something football player with a genuine merch store some super fans made.

“Didn’t see ya there short stuff,” he said with a smile as he set me up on my feet. He however did not let go of the giant bottle of Grey Goose in his other hand. I was surprised he was even talking to me. He’s on the top of the list of “Who’s slept with the most people” in the HAI house, someone like me isn’t his usual choice, but the way he was looking at me told me he’s seen me before.

“Well then watch where you’re going asshole,” I said as I walked out of his arms and down the street.

“What?” He called after me. “Hey wait!”

I turned back, and it looked like through his drunken haze he was a little floored when I looked at him with an annoyed look. “What do you want? HAI party started a couple hours ago,” I said to him and he just stared at me wide eyed.

“Oh, uh…Hinata right? I uh...ummm” his voice trailed off as he tried to think of a coherent sentence through his drunken haze, so I just rolled my eyes and kept walking down the road.

I hate guys like that, it reminds me too much of him. And I try to think about him as little as humanly possible. Doesn’t matter though, all of my friends are in the KYU house anyways, so I’ll never see him. His meathead brain probably won’t even remember running into me in the morning. So who gives a shit?....Why am I so angry? I need to calm down. I can’t let those text messages on my phone get under my skin anymore. I should block his number...but I know I won’t.

Even as I got back to my dorm and plopped face down into my bed I thought to myself _no more parties_. I already made an appearance at KYU house, I can go to the lame school mixer tomorrow for student government stuff, and I’ll just make an excuse tomorrow for not showing up to the KYU party. I’m going into my third year here, I’ve got to focus on school anyways. It’s very literally the whole point of why I’m here.

I couldn’t deny that my entire night was filled with images of a fake blonde with a coy smirk, and that stupid accent. I hate that I have a type, because it’s annoying. Yet even though I have all these rules for myself, and I have all these things I know I shouldn’t do. Despite myself here I was...the next night...standing in the KYU house taking another jello shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	4. Atsumu POV: Drinking Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MY BOI IS HERE and he's ready to woo the so called love of his life. However he simps too hard, and doesn't realize how devious his sunshine is.  
> Also let me just say, Atsumu and Samu have an accent, they're from Georgia in this fic, but I have no clue how to write an accent so just go with it. Please for my sanity.

“Where do ya think you’re going?” Osamu asked me as I was trying to decide what to wear. I’m going to win tonight...I know I am. 

“The KYU party,” I said easily. I decided to go with something casual. A fitted shirt and my joggers, matched with the bright red jacket finished off the look. I wanted him to notice me, no way was I letting him out of my grasp  _ again _ . 

“Huh, now why would ya be going to a party tonight? Even though you’ve got that interview tomorrow?” Osamu asked me with a smug expression. 

“Dunno,” I said, no way was I getting cockblocked by this asshole tonight. 

“Really, cuz Omi told me that a certain tangerine is going to be at the party tonight,” he said and I shot him a look before turning back to the mirror and fixing my hair. 

“Even better,” I said as I smiled. 

Osamu has been  _ ruthless _ about my crush since I saw Hinata on that track almost a year ago now. I want him to smile at me. I want to know more about him, I want to kiss him, I want to fuck him. Never have I pined after someone like this for so long. It’s actually ruining my ranking because having sex with other people doesn’t sound as great. I will admit that I’ve dreamt of steamy nights with him more often than I'd like to admit out loud. I want to hear him moan underneath me as his skin turns a delicious shade of pink. Sue me...I’m a guy with needs. 

“If ya get a hard on I will post all of your embarrassing pictures all across campus,” Osamu said and that snapped me out of my day dream and I shot him a look. 

“Ya suck Samu,” I said to him and I put my phone in my back pocket and threw on my shoes. “I probably won’t be coming back tonight,” I said and Osamu didn’t even bother with a response. 

“I figured,” He sat up and grabbed his shoes. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He peered up at me as he dressed far more casually than I did wearing just a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. 

“Omi’s gonna be there,” he said and I sighed loudly. 

“Don’t get in my fucking way tonight,” I said with a warning look. 

“I got it, then fucking go,” he said and I waved absentmindedly as I walked out of the house and towards the KYU frat. 

The party was already in full swing, I generally come later since I like to be there when I have the most options. I liked the HAI house, but I greatly preferred KYU parties because of two certain football players who always were the life of the party. “HEY HEY HEY! JELLO SHOTS IN THE KITCHEN!” I heard Bokuto yell from the inside of the house and everyone loudly cheered in response. You can always hear Bokuto from at least a mile away, one of the more annoying things about my emotional running back. 

Probably almost a 1000 students were crammed both outside the house, inside, and in the back by the pool. I easily made it past the bouncers at the entrance and into the party. It annoyed me how many people wanted to talk to me when I was on a mission tonight, but I had to keep up appearances. Not that there was much to keep up, most people knew I was sort of an asshole. Not that I particularly cared, and it didn’t stop people from still trying to talk to me so I wasn’t about to give a shit either. 

“Hey Atsumu,” Kuroo said with a smile as he handed me a drink and I nodded as I accepted the beer. 

“Sup Kuroo,” I said, but I could tell that I sounded distant, and my eyes scanned the crowd. 

“Come on,” Kuroo said and I finally looked over at him. “Ask me, I know it’s useless to expect a decent conversation,” he said and I narrowed my eyes at the comment, but he wasn’t wrong. 

“Is he here?” I asked him. 

“Yeah, don’t know where though. I saw him following the crowd towards the jello shots. He came in earlier with Akaashi and Kenma, ” he said to me and I mulled it over slightly remembering the names of Bokuto and Kuroo’s close friends. 

“Perfect,” I said, finding the plan forming in my mind much easier than I thought it would. 

“Hey,” Kuroo said suddenly as I stepped forward, I was surprised as he didn’t have his usual carefree smirk on his face. He was looming, domineering over me like some kind of alpha predator. I don’t really see Kuroo like this outside of a game. 

“What?” I asked him, it annoyed me that he was a couple inches taller than me. 

“Your usual attitude is fine, but I’d suggest you stay away from Chibi,” he said to me and I looked him up and down, trying to figure out what he was alluding to. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’m like a brother to him, and I know how you treat potential partners and he doesn’t deserve that. He’s better than you by leagues, and I hope you understand that I will not hesitate to beat the shit out of you if you’re out of line,” he said and I widened my eyes in surprise. 

Kuroo rarely takes anything seriously, even his plays on the field have a sort of calm collected attitude, but I could see he was dead serious. I nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Got it, I don’t plan on doing anything he won’t want,” I said to him and he just huffed in response as I passed him and walked into the crowd of people. 

I was getting increasingly annoyed as I made my way through the party. It was already getting dark out and I’d only managed to make it through one room in search of that orange hair. A girl at one point had grabbed me by the collar and kissed me. I would have been into it any other night, but my time frame to find Hinata is small since he only goes to one party at the beginning and end of the semester. I can’t waste anymore time. Finally after downing a jello shot, throwing off creepy members of my fan club, and winning an arm wrestling competition against Iwaizumi I found that orange hair in the back room of the party. 

He was sitting on the couch, the one with the bad dye job was curled up next to him playing a video game. That was Kuroo’s friend Kenma (his boyfriend?) unsure. Then on his other side was Oikawa, who’s lazy intimacy with the red head was making me think they have been more than friends in the past. There was also a beautiful guy with black hair sitting on the ground by Hinata’s legs. How the fuck am I supposed to flirt with a guy who’s surrounded by other attractive men. Fuck me. 

However as fate would make it so, Hinata’s eyes moved over to mine, probably because he could feel me staring at him. He looked me up and down, and did he look... _ disinterested????? Me?????  _ I could feel my petulant and bratty attitude coming to the surface as he continued to ignore me. Fine...be that way, time to be bold. I’ll get your attention. 

“Hey, Hinata right?” I asked as I stepped forward. His three friends also judged me closely as I neared their group. 

“Mhm,” he said absentmindedly, now I was getting pissed. 

“You wanna play beer pong?” I asked, remembering that he’s pretty good at it. But so I was I...I just don’t usually play. 

“Oh?” Oikawa said next to him with a raised eyebrow. Akaashi stifled a small laugh with his hands, but at least now those intense eyes were on me. I have his attention at least. 

“What’s the point? You’re no match for me,” he said and I tried to maintain a calm façade even though I was getting pissed. But...I wonder if he’s bratty like that in bed. I’d love to see it. 

“Then let’s make it fun,” I said to him and he cocked his head, seemingly interested now. “Let’s make it a bet, if I win I get your phone number,” I said to him. 

Oikawa laughed out loud, and Kenma trained his eyes on me. “Well what do I get if I win?” Hinata asked me, I didn’t think I’d get this far. 

“Whatever you want,” I said to him and he pursed his lips as he thought deeply about it. 

“You have to strip naked and run back to HAI house,” he said with an innocent look. So he is a _little brat_ , it makes my blood boil because of course he’d say something like that, he thinks I’ll back down and leave him alone. I never back down from a challenge. 

“Sounds like a plan,” I said and Hinata seemed surprised that I agreed. 

He sighed and stood up. “We’ll be leaving soon anyways, I doubt this will take that long,” he said to Kenma and this annoying attitude was really turning me on. So many sides to him I don’t know, but I want him to smile at me, I want to see every face he can make. 

“Oh you poor sap, you did not challenge him to beer pong,” Kuroo said as we all moved to the backyard where Bokuto was hurriedly setting up the table with Akaashi doing most of the work. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at beer pong,” I said to him and he sighed. 

“Well I’m on Chibi’s team, so good luck lover boy,” he said as he clapped my back and walked over to Hinata’s side of the table. 

Usually I’d ask Osamu, but I saw him making out with that Sakusa guy a little bit ago and it looked like they weren’t going to stop anytime soon. I’d ask Kuroo, but he’s on Hinata’s team, and both Bokuto and Iwaizumi are on a bulk up diet so they aren’t drinking. I ran over to Iwaizumi and looked at him worriedly. 

“Man who the fuck is good at beer pong?” I asked him looking around at useless extras staring at the imminent slaughter fest of the always confident Atsumu Miya. 

“Um...maybe...fuck,” Iwaizumi looked around and then his eyes landed on someone and he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oikawa is probably the best one here,” he said to me and I sighed. 

“No way would he agree to that,” I said hurriedly and Iwaizumi looked like he was going to do something when.

“Hey, Tsumu! Are you backing out? Or think you can handle this yourself,” Hinata said and I turned to stare at him. 

_ Tsumu? _ I don’t even let people I fuck call me by a nickname. But this little brat, he came out and said it with that smug grin. No way am I letting this guy win. “Oikawa is on my team,” I said and Hinata looked surprised as his harem turned to look at Oikawa. 

“No fucking way, why would I-.” Oikawa started. 

“Play on his fucking team Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi barked at him. 

“Okay!” Oikawa said in a singsong voice, inducing exasperated groans from his friends as he walked next to me. 

“You can start,” Hinata said to me, the intent look on his face reminded me of when I went to see one of his marathons. Curious to see what all the fuss was about. I stared in sheer awe at his speed, and then I saw his face as he crossed the finish line. His eyes staring intently forward, the pure hunger on his face was almost palpable. He looked like he wanted to keep going, run another marathon just because he could. An absolute monster. 

“Don’t mind if I do,” I said with a smile as I picked up the first ball. 

It became...incredibly apparent in only a few plays that both Kuroo and Hinata were  _ freakishly _ good at beer pong. I think the whole goddamn school had crowded around the game at this point. However after downing so much alcohol, and the shots Akaashi had added in to make the game more interesting was having me look really red in the face and lightheaded. Already passing the point of tipsy into incredibly drunk territory. 

“You really aren’t good at this,” Oikawa said and I shot him a look as I took back the beer in my hand. 

“You’re not doing great either,” I said to him and he just smirked. 

“I’m not the one who agreed to strip naked in front of the entire university,” Oikawa said and I seethed internally as I finished off the cup, haphazardly throwing it behind me. 

“You can beg for forgiveness if you want?” Hinata said as he held up the last ball, and I stared down at the last cup on my side. 

No fucking way, I’ve never given up  _ ever _ . “Bring it on,” I said. 

He just laughed, and I found myself smiling stupidly at his beautiful smile. That giggle was something I was going to file away in my brain as the best sound in the world. This crush was bad, and just seems to get worse every time he does something. I’m not upset though, I wanna go deeper, I want all of him body and soul. 

To no one's surprise he sunk the last ping pong ball and everyone roared around us, knowing what the outcome of this game would entail. I took a deep breath and grabbed the cup, downing the last beer and setting it back down on the table. I let my eyes move back to Hinata’s across the table who just wanted to know what I would do next. His eyes filled with curiosity as I stood there. Well...if I’m doing this, I’ll do it right. 

“A deals a deal,” he said to me and I laughed lamely. 

“Impatient aren’t we? Maybe you just really wanted to see me naked,” I said as I moved my hand to the hem of my shirt. 

“I’m out,” Oikawa said as he stepped away, and everyone watched with wide eyes as I took off my shirt slowly and let it drop to the ground. 

A cheer erupted through the crowd, and a few cat calls as I made sure he got a good look of my perfect body. There’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed him taking inventory of my body. His eyes grazing up and down my toned chest. Perfect, I don’t care who takes a picture, if this is what it takes for him to acknowledge me I’ll fucking do it. 

“He’s really gonna do it huh?” Kuroo said as I pulled off my shoes and socks and threw them towards Iwaizumi who looked ready to beat the shit out of me. 

“I never back out of a bet,” I said steeling my courage as I unzipped my pants, and they fell to the ground. 

I was incredibly glad I wore some of my nice Calvin Klein boxers today and Hinata was becoming all red in the face as he tried to not stare at my ass as I made a show of it to everyone watching. There were phones everywhere, and Osamu would never let me live this down, but I was so fucking drunk, and I don’t give a shit anymore. 

Steeling my courage I pulled down my boxers and stood there in all my glory, amongst almost a thousand people, all these cameras, and my crush, probably my brother is somewhere here in the mix too. But even in the slight chill outside since it’s almost 3AM now I did not care, because I caught Hinata staring at my dick, and he seemed to like what he saw. However I needed to make my escape. Before I ran back to my dorm I picked up my phone and keys, throwing my boxers at a blushing mess that is one Shoyo Hinata. 

“Better luck next time!” He called after me as I darted through the wide path that was created for me, and the cheers of my fellow HAI brothers ushering me back to the house. 

It is far from the first time that a naked guy has come running back to the HAI house, but probably the first time anyone has with such a dorky grin as I have. “Put some fucking pants on!” I heard Aran yell as he shielded his eyes from my stumbling naked form. 

“Language, Aran!” Kita said and he just looked exasperated about how to explain that I was stark naked. 

I made it up to my room and laid on my bed. Wow...that was such a rush...and I drank way too much. Coach is gonna be pissed tomorrow, and the interview is going to suck, but I don’t care. I got to see him again, that smug face, his perfect tosses, the way he starts turning pink when he’s drinking. The nickname...I’ve never let anyone call me by a nickname. But god I want him to only call me that. I sort of get how Oikawa is now with his unabashed love for Iwaizumi, and that annoying ass nickname. At least Hinata knows I exist now, I’ve laid the groundwork, but...I still have more to go. I’m not giving up anytime soon. 

The door slammed open to the room and I peered around my shoulder to see Osamu and Sakusa aggressively making out, Osamu’s shirt was almost over his head when he noticed me on the bed. “What the fuck are ya jacking off in here by yourself?!” Oasmu yelled, and a bashful Sakusa turned away covering his face. 

“Of course not asshole!”

“Get the fuck out! Ya said ya weren’t coming back tonight ya fucking rat!” Osamu yelled at me. 

“Things changed dipshit!”

“Language!” Kita yelled at the door and took in the strange scene in front of him. 

“I told you he was stark naked!” Aran yelled pointing at me. 

“What the fuck is happening?” Sakusa said exasperatedly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are liking where this is going, I still don't have a clear ending in mind, but I've got A LOT of content still to go. Thanks for tuning in (✿◠‿◠) 
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	5. Kenma POV: B PLOT (Intermission 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we see the aftermath of the huge KYU bash, and the school mixer full of hungover students, and a very salty student body treasurer. Should the friends intervene to get Hinata and Atsumu together? I hope this chapter is a little longer than the others. I really am trying my hardest. I genuinely don't know how many parts this story will be, but I've got a lot written so expect a slow burn here my dudes.

I thought it was ironic as Kuroo covered my eyes when Atsumu threw off his boxers, since I already saw everything, but the gesture was very much something I’ve grown fond of about Kuroo over the years. I peered over at Hinata and was surprised to see his face. The smug look he had was gone, and he just stared unabashedly at the naked man across the table from him. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact it was 3 in the morning, but...I know people really well, and I think he was definitely interested in Atsumu. 

It was blatantly obvious that he had some kind of crush on him, or at least was very interested. He’d bring up his name more and more since he came back from his morning run with a bruise on his right rib. I saw him turn on a football game for the first time in years as he intently watched the national championship, saying he promised Bokuto he would. Yet his eyes weren’t really following the defense, or the halftime show, or the commentary for that matter. Just one quarterback pulling off incredible plays and that smug overconfident expression. 

Hinata told me he’d decided love wasn’t something he was interested in anymore. And he’d recklessly go on one night stands all the time, and I’d have to pick up the pieces when he stumbled back drunk and cried into my chest. Yet this was the first time in quite a while I saw him looking interested in someone, staring at someone with longing. I never thought he’d allow himself to be like this, but...maybe this was an unintentional kind of love. One that he had no control over. 

Yet seeing him this morning I knew that my best friend was absolutely smitten. He only lays in his bed staring at the ceiling for one of two reasons. One he got a text message from that prick, and his phone was untouched and dead on his nightstand so it’s definitely not that one. The other reason is he’s smitten with someone. I remember in high school when he’d stay over at my place when his Mom was working the night shift and the over excited, incredibly energetic Shoyo Hinata would just lay in bed staring at the ceiling with a wide dopey grin. 

However this time instead of a wide dopey grin, there was a look of irritation as he stared at the little plastic glow in the dark stars Kuroo had put on their ceiling last year. Finally he turned over slightly and his eyes adjusted as he blinked and looked over at me. He narrowed his eyes and looked me over for a moment trying to figure something out. 

“Did you sleep?” He asked me and I continued playing my game. 

“...sure,” I said quietly. 

A blatant lie, but I usually sleep when Shoyo’s in class. 

“Did you sleep?” He asked again, a little more pointedly this time. 

“...no..” I said quietly and he seemed a little annoyed, but then he was smiling as he sat up. It’s not like me not sleeping isn’t a common thing. 

“What time is it?” He asked looking around and rubbing his eyes. He slowly got up from his bed and started to tidy up. One of the more interesting things about Shoyo Hinata was that he was incredibly neat, and a morning person. 

“6 AM I think,” I said quietly. 

“I can’t believe I slept in. Ugh...I suppose I can fit a 10k in before I have to go to that boring mixer,” he said and I chuckled at the thought. 

“Don’t let Sugawara hear you say that,” I said and he nodded and smiled as he looked through his drawers for something suitable. 

“You’re right...I still don’t know if I’m okay with winning the election last semester. I mean Suga did a really good job, and he’s older than me,” Shoyo said and I quietly examined him as he talked. 

Probably one of the things I’m very good at is reading people from being anxious my whole life. I can figure out certain things about people without having to even ask. So I can tell how much Shoyo means his words without even saying them. The way he averts his eyes down when he talks about it, the pained expression on his face, and the worry etched into his features that tell me he has already assumed he can’t do it. Which is 100% not true, there’s a reason he won student body president. 

“I’ll go with,” I said quietly, if there’s anything Shoyo needs right now, it’s support. Not as much as before, but still those insecurities weigh heavily on him. 

“Really? I thought you’d be worn out from the party last night?” He asked me and I shrugged. 

“Not really, plus it’ll probably make you feel better that someone showed up,” I said with a small smile. 

Shoyo huffed and gave me a look, but I saw his smile as he turned away to go to the bathroom. I was very tired, but I’ll do it for Shoyo, because I knew he’d do it for me too. I remember the first time I met him when I was just a little kid. I didn’t like interacting with others so I’d just sit in the backyard idly playing with a rock while I waited for time to pass. Kuroo would come over often and talk with me, which were fun days, but I was still lonely since he could only come every so often. 

_It was a normal day, far too hot to sit in the yard so I sat in the shade of the tree as I used a stick to trace patterns in the ground. That’s when I heard someone chattering away next door. I knew some people moved into the house next door recently, it was loud and annoying so I made sure to stay as far away as possible. However I was surprised as I kept seeing an orange tuft of hair above the fence dividing the property. Then, after a loud grunt, he sprung up above the fence and I saw that bright smile for the first time._

_ “So there is someone who lives next door!” He exclaimed, and landed hard on the ground. I heard a loud  _ oof  _ and found myself smiling for the first time. “Mama! Can I go next door!” The kid exclaimed for a while.  _

_ I heard his mom talking to him as he chattered away. Why would he be interested in talking to me, he only saw me once. I decided to ignore it and go back to the cat I was drawing in the ground. Then I heard commotion coming from the house, and was even more surprised when the boy with the orange hair came running towards me. He skidded to a stop and squatted down in front of me.  _

_ “I love the cat! It looks great!” He said excitedly.  _

_ I stared at him wide eyed at the bright smile, and the excited boy in front of me just smiled back, waiting for me to answer. “Thanks,” I said quietly.  _

_ I’m Shoyou Hinata! What’s your name?!” He asked, his hands waved wildly as he talked, and that bright smile felt like someone was shining a light in my face. I almost reflexively wanted to shield my eyes from the sunshine in front of me.  _

_ “Kenma...Kenma Kozume,” I said averting my eyes and poking at the cat on the ground.  _

_ “I’ve got chalk! Do you want to color on the sidewalk Kenma!” He said and he held his hand out to me.  _

_ Most people ignore me, even those at the park or at day care tend to ignore me. But here was this guy smiling down at me offering me his hand in friendship. He wanted to play with me, maybe he even wanted to be friends with me. I didn’t know what to say at first, and I was worried I’d scare him away with my weirdness, but he waited in ernest. He was however bouncing up and down in excitement.  _

_ “Or we could keep coloring here! I just wanna hang out with my new friend,” he said to me and I felt...so touched.  _

_ “Let’s stay here then,” I managed to whisper out as the blush appeared on my cheeks.  _

_ “Great! Kenma I’m gonna find a stick I’ll be back!” He said excitedly as he ran around the yard searching for a stick.  _

That’s how it went from there. Shoyou would just show up, and Kuroo took him under his wing just like he did with me. We did everything together, never being separated our whole lives, even into adulthood it was just assumed that we’d all go to the same university. I don’t even care about a college education, I just get into as many classes as I can with Shoyou and stream in our shared room. 

Shoyou loves too easily. He makes friends with people so easily, and even in high school he was easily one of the most popular. He even had the star quarterback as his boyfriend, but Kuroo and I knew that the smile was forced at school. That things weren’t all sunshine and rainbows as it appeared. Especially when we stopped seeing Hinata as much. Always saying he had to be with that prick, that his boyfriend was jealous of Hinata hanging out with his friends, insisting that Hinata needed to go to extra practices because he sucked, which is very untrue. The words weighed on his mind heavily and Kuroo and I couldn’t do anything. I’ll regret not doing something sooner for the rest of my life. In university Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and I all made a promise to protect our friend from that bastard and I’ll stick to it. Whatever he needs I’ll do, because he’s the first person in my life that cared for me unwaveringly. My best friend. 

“At least participate in the Smash tournament,” Shoyou said to me pointedly.

“I think I’d scare away the 8 people here,” I said and Hinata pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“This is my frist event I’ve coordinated and it fucking sucks,” Hinata said with a sigh as we looked around at the 100 some people in the student union. 

“No it’s great, you just didn’t have a better time to do it. It’s not your fault probably the best KYU party of the century was last night. Kuroo told me that Bokuto is still passed out in the pool,” I said, showing him the text on my phone and Hinata briefly laughed at the pictures. 

“I thought Akaashi would have gotten him inside?” He asked. 

“He tried, and Bokuto almost drowned him so he left him there,” Kenma said and Hinata laughed, but then sighed loudly looking around. 

“Hinata! I see you had fun last night,” Tsukishima, the student government treasurer, and avid hater of Shoyou Hinata. 

“I suppose, how do you know?” Hinata asked indignantly as he scrunched his nose at the taller guy. 

“Haven’t you seen it? Everyone on campus has seen your beer pong game at this point,” Tsukishima said as he handed Hinata the phone. 

I sat up and we both watched the shaky video of Hinata landing the ball in the winning cup, and then Atsumu’s over the top strip tease. Gladly they censored his dick, but his entire ass was seen as he ran back to his frat house. “Didn't think you could cause such a scene before the semester even started,” Tsukishima said with his sly smile and Hinata rolled his eyes. 

“He challenged me, not my fault he went through with it,” Hinata said with a shrug, but...he almost looked bad. I could tell he was feeling anxious as he looked away from Tsukishima.

“And I’m not surprised you are antagonizing Hinata first thing this semester,” Sugawara said as he walked over and glared at Tsukishima. “You left poor Yamaguchi alone to man the snacks counter to rile up our student body president,” Sugawara said as he threw his arm over Hinata’s shoulders. 

“Tch,” Tsukishima gave Hinata one more look before leaving to rescue a very panicked Yamaguchi who was surrounded by people wanting free stuff from the prize wheel Hinata made the other day. 

“Now...tell me about Atsumu,” Sugawara said as he turned to Hinata with a sly grin and Hinata pressed his hands into his face letting out a loud groan. 

“There’s nothing to say, I’m not interested,” Shou said and Suga laughed. 

“Right, it’s just he sure likes you,” Suga said and Hinata peeked through his fingers. 

“Huh?” Hinata asked. 

“Yeah, Daichi told me that he was blabbing about you all night in the living room since his brother kicked him out of their room,” Suga said and I noticed the blush Hinata was attempting to hide on his face. 

“He’ll get over it, I don’t date. I’m not going to, not interested whatsoever. He’s not even my type!” Hinata spit out, but Sugawara and I shared a knowing look as Shou sputtered to somehow find a way to get out of this embarrassment. 

“He’s exactly your type,” I said and Shou whipped back to glare at me. 

“Not helping Kenma!” He hissed at me and both Suga and I laughed in response. 

“Alright I’ll lay off, but this is a great event. This is the most people we’ve ever had at this mixer, and I love the prize wheel idea! It’s so cute,” Suga patted Hinata’s shoulder, and I saw some of his previous anxiousness wash away. Ever since that prick ruined his self esteem in high school he needs constant praise and reassurance that he’s not doing bad. I’m glad Sugawara has already picked up on this. He’s probably my favorite member of the student government. 

“Thanks Sugawara, and thank you for being my VP. Your guidance is invaluable!” Shou said with a bright smile to his senior. 

“No problem! I won’t be too much help since I’m student teaching, but I’m always a phone call away. Plus Daichi decided to double major so he’ll be around this year as well. You’ve got friends and all the help in the world, never feel like you’re alone,” he said reassuringly to Hinata. 

“Thank you…” Shou said warmly, and then Sugawara turned to me. 

“I’d suggest you take over the smash tournament, currently the LAN group is dominating the controllers. I think they need to be put in their place,” he said to me with a wink and I remembered that one thing to know about Sugawara is that he is always up to something. 

“Let’s play Kenma!” Hinata said and I nodded as I was whisked over to the switch I donated to the Student Government. 

After scaring off the LAN party, the smash tournament was back in business. Also a lot of people were here now since the presence of free pizza attracted all of the hungover party goers who were now awake at 2PM. “How come you’re not sleeping?” A familiar voice said and I leaned my head back to see Kurroo standing behind my chair. 

“Hinata needed me,” I said quietly and he chuckled as he sat next to me. 

“Of course…” His hazel eyes stared at me intently, but instead of feeling scared like I do with everyone else I felt incredibly warm. I think for a long time just being a friend with Kuroo isn’t the way I’d describe our relationship. But he’s popular, talented, and smart. I won’t hold him back, so I just watch and try to make it as easy as possible for him. Even though I know I want more.

“How are you feeling?” I asked him and he smirked as he placed his elbow on the table and leaned in towards me resting his hand on his fist. 

“I’m fine Kenma, interesting for you to take an interest in my health,” he said and I rolled my eyes. 

“I’ll never ask again,” I said as I looked back down at the mobile app I was playing on my phone. 

“Kenma, come on I was joking,” he said as he rested his hand on my hand and I felt something akin to electricity under my skin where he touched me. I often wonder if he feels the same? “I’m fine, I don’t even have a headache. I was worried about you so I came to find you. I know you haven’t been sleeping much lately. I was shocked when you showed up at the party last night,” he chuckled as he rubbed my hand absentmindedly. 

I didn’t go to the party last night for Shou...well mostly. I went to see Kuroo. I thought I might get the chance to say something, to make a move, or that he’d make a move on me, but none of that happened. He was busy all night entertaining, and then things got out of control once he played that beer pong game with Hinata, but...he did hold my hand after. He walked Hinata and I home, and came inside as he sat next to me in bed. How in the hell was I supposed to sleep after he brushed his hand on my cheek and carded his fingers through my hair. HOW???

“You told me to try acting like a normal college student...so I did,” I said and he laughed, retracting his hand and nodded to himself. I tried not to think about how cold my hand felt now. 

“You’re right...but thanks for being there for Shou more than I have lately. It’s been crazy with my Chem classes, away games, and work out schedule. Plus since I moved into the KYU house I-.”

“It’s fine Kuroo. You always do so much for everyone. More than enough,” I said looking at him and he stared at me with those beautiful eyes. 

“Man Kenma you can’t just say stuff like that without warning,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. Was he...blushing?

“I just say what I think. It’s easy to talk with you around,” I said to him and the smile was back, but he still wouldn’t look at me. 

“Yeah...me too,” he said and after he took a big breath he turned towards me with a sly grin. “Next Friday at the game...I was wondering if you wanted to go out after. Maybe get some pizza at that place you like,” he said to me and I widened my eyes. 

“But...isn’t the KYU party that night?”

“Nah it’s HAI’s turn, and...I just thought it might be nice. Just the two of us, I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve had time to ourselves. Unless you think that you don’t-.”

“No...I do,” I said as I was the one this time who gently placed my hand on his. “I really do Kuroo.” My face was so red I thought I was going to die. 

However he was most likely thinking the same thing as he was staring at my hand on his with a red face. “Great, that’s...awesome. I’m so happy,” he said with a smile and he took his hand in mine, our fingers interlocking easily. 

I don’t know when it was that we blurred the line between friends, family, and something else. This tight lined path we were supposed to follow was left behind long ago. Our relationship isn’t well defined, it’s not like how I feel about my best friend Shou, it’s not how I feel about my Mom, it’s something a lot stronger. I’ve never felt comfortable with anyone else to put a name on this feeling, I don’t have anything to compare this roaring fire under my skin whenever Kuroo is around. So I haven’t said anything in the 20 years we’ve known each other. Maybe...just maybe...he feels the same way too. 

Who knows…..but I noticed, past Kuroo, even though Hinata was surrounded by friends his eyes kept looking out the giant window on the eastern wall of the student union. Both Kuroo and I glanced over as we saw Atsumu being interviewed outside by some news correspondents. He smiled easily, but you could tell that his eyes were heavy, and he was stifling some yawns. But...Shou still stared at him. I don't have to ask because I know why Shou fights against these feelings. I've seen what happens when he gives out his heart too easily. I've seen what it's like as he holds the broken pieces of his heart in his hands not knowing what to do. Even though everything points to the contrary...I'm inclined to believe that this Atsumu is genuine. I remember him asking about Shou a few times when I went to visit Kuroo at the KYU house. He would avert his eyes, and look almost embarrassed as he asked about my best friend. It's a look I didn't know Atsumu was capable of making...but here he was. If only Shou would give him a chance, but I know that won't happen. 

"How does that damn prick still pull off an interview after how trashed he was last night?" Kuroo asked as I noticed we were both idly watching him through the window. 

"I'm sure he didn't have a choice," I said to Kuroo and he shrugged. 

"Either way...I don't know what to make of him, or our blushing friend," he said as his eyes landed on Shou who was so distracted Tsukishima was lecturing him. 

"Do we do something about it?"

"We? You usually don't take part in this, you didn't try to get Oikawa and him together," Kuroo said as he focused all his attention on me and I just rolled my eyes. 

"Oikawa and him were never serious enough for me to get involved. Plus everyone knows that Iwaizumi is interested in Oikawa," Kuroo raised his eyebrow. 

"Really, you think?" Kuroo asked. 

"It's so obvious that they're in love with each other, but maybe it's hard to see it when you've been around each other for so long...." my voice trailed off slightly as Kuroo and I looked at each other and then looked away just as fast. "But this is different. Shou wasn't staring at the ceiling all night thinking about Oikawa," I said to him and he hummed in response. 

"I don't know if I trust Atsumu. He's never...been one to treat his partners nicely. Not that he's stuck with any long enough for me to make an informed decision," Kuroo said as he tapped his finger on the table. But I could see the gears churning in his mind, he was thinking up a plan. 

"What's the plan?" I asked him and his sly grin was back as he looked over his shoulder at Atsumu. 

"I think it'll happen on it's own," he said and both of us saw as Atsumu and Shou caught each other staring and Shou turned away quickly. But Atsumu kept staring, a loving smile on his face. 

"My thoughts exactly," he said easily as he turned back towards me. 

It occurred to me at this point that we never let go of each other's hand. 

I didn't mind at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KUROKEN! KUROKEN! KUROKEN! What can I say, I'm all about childhood friends turned to lovers.
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	6. Hinata POV: On the Verge of a Mental Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of classes and Hinata tries to struggle through his feelings, and why he can't let Atsumu get close. Is it for the best to turn him down, and why does this make him feel so bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another main character POV, maybe I'll just make the whole thing switch between Atsumu and Hinata, but I am unsure about this. Plus I haven't even touched a lot of my BokuAka B PLOT BABY! We have quite some way to go in this story. Like...a long way so don't worry. I think I'll make updates on Sunday and Wednesdays for now cuz that seems to work the best.

_ I am not a scrub!” I yelled at the blonde guy standing next to me.  _

_ Yeah sure, whatever ya say Sho,” he said calmly and I seethed next to him.  _

_ He still turned, his hand lightly brushed the hair out of my face. “If I’m not mistaken I’m pretty sure you can run even faster than that. You seem cautious, like your partner is holding you back for his benefit,” he said and I blinked my eyes at him, my breath stilling in my throat uncomfortably.  _

_ No, that’s not...that’s not right at all,” I said defensively, and he laughed as he rested his hand on my cheek. Even in the hot summer sun his touch felt cool on my skin.  _

_ I think it is, but...you know if you played with me I know I could make you fly. I want to throw to ya one day,” he said to me with his confident smile and I felt like I was going to melt on the spot.  _

_ “Really, you could do that?” I asked, hope in my eyes. I finally found someone who realized my potential, someone who wanted to toss to me. It seemed incredible, almost like a dream.  _

_ “Hinata, what are you-.” the cold hand on my shoulder shook me out of my trance. _

Yet as I turned to look back I opened my eyes to see I was still in my dorm room. 

“Fuck,” I said quietly rubbing my eyes. What was that...the face wasn’t really coming back to me, but...the hair...and that voice….it couldn’t be. 

I tossed and turned for a bit before groaning loudly and sitting up. “We have our first class together right?” I asked Kenma who wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he most likely hadn’t slept.

“Yeah...Akaashi too,” he said as he didn’t even bother packing a bag and just put his switch in his pocket. The only reason he’s at university in the first place is because of what happened in my first semester and he moved me into his dorm on campus. So he just tries to get into as many classes that I have as he can and spends the rest of the time streaming in our dorm. He’s a great friend, more than I deserve. 

“I’m gonna go on a run,” I said as I stood up quickly and rifled through my drawers for my workout gear. It was still warm so my normal running shorts were appropriate for the weather. 

“I’ll ask Akaashi if he wants to meet us,” he said and I nodded as I slipped on my workout gear and waved as I left the room. 

Running clears my mind, it...wasn’t my first choice, but I’m glad I’m pursuing it in college. Plus winning the national championship last year for the triathlon felt really good for my self esteem. So it’s all I focus on now, and some school, but I’ve never cared all that much about academics. None of it mattered to me because all I thought about was football growing up, I told everyone I was going to be the greatest running back the world’s ever seen. Even thinking about it now I see how stupid that was, I’m way too short and small to do that. Plus even in my senior year I could see the widening gap between myself and my peers going on to collegiate and professional teams. I got offers too, but…

“Omi!” I said excitedly and he turned to see me as I easily caught up to his pace on the track. 

“Hinata,” he said quietly. 

“You never come out to run this early? Why now?” I asked him and he sighed as he stared forward, the only sound being some rustling of trees and our feet on the track. 

“I’ve been around too many germs,” he said and I chuckled as I took a couple steps away giving him room to breathe. 

“Trouble with that frat guy?” I asked him and he sighed loudly. 

“I found a fucking empty bottle of shampoo just  _ in his closet _ . He couldn’t even tell me how long it was there!” He said angrily and I laughed a little louder. 

“At least it’s a shampoo bottle, this one guy I slept with had a whole pizza under his bed, he was confused when I brought up the smell in his room I couldn’t even go through with it,” I said and Sakusa looked like he was about to throw up. 

“Enough, no more stories,” he said and I laughed and nodded. 

“Who is it anyways? Someone I know, you’ve been quiet about it. It’s obviously not someone in KYU,” I said to him and he peered over at me as he thought about his next words. Probably one of the best things I like about Omi is how tactful he is. He’s my senior on the track team, and probably the best pole vaulter in the country with his strangely flexible wrists and incredible agility. I admire him a lot, and he’s become a great friend. But he has his secrets, and is very wary of people. I think he considers me his friend, I hope so anyways. 

“Osamu,” he said and I scrunched my nose in distaste reflexively. 

“Oh,” I said quietly and he laughed. 

“He’s a lot better than the one who’s in love with you,” he said and I went red, almost tripping as I turned towards him. 

“He is not! He just wants to get in my pants, fucking asshole.” I said it defensively, but it felt like a lame excuse, too quick of a predetermined response on my tongue. I’ve never given Atsumu a chance and I never will. 

“I’m not so sure, I’ve spent more time with him than I would like, and...he doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy,” he said and I just sort of looked at him. 

“I am not dating, and I don’t plan on it,” I said finally and Sakusa just rolled his eyes. 

“That’s what you said to me, but then you got drunk on too many tequila shots at the Track and Field banquet and pulled me into the closet and-.”

“Enough!” He smiled smugly. “Don’t talk about my shameful past, I’m trying to be better Omi!” I said exasperatedly. Trying and doing are two different things, even I know that. 

“Either way, why don’t you put your theory to the test, sleep with him like you’d normally do, or even just ask. If he doesn’t want to have sex with you then you know he’s pursuing you in earnest. If not however then you get a good night out of it and you’re free of him,” he said and I just stared at the track ahead. “That is unless you have feelings for him-.”

“No I don’t!” I said loudly and this time Omi really did laugh. 

“Alright, I’ll stop prodding. I’m off, don’t hurt yourself,” he said to me and I stuck my tongue out at him as he left. 

Why does everyone keep telling me to pursue this guy? It doesn't even make sense to me, he’s not the first asshole who wants to get in my pants. Why this one, why this guy that infuriates me to no end. The one who plagues my dreams with a smug grin and a soft accent. The guy who let his bare ass get posted all over social media just for the chance to get my phone number. None of this makes sense, I’m...I’m not worth it. Sure a couple nights together are fun, but then you start to worry about why I forget to sleep, the cell phone I won’t look at, and the doubts that bubble to the surface without warning if I’m not careful. This outwardly image is completely fake, you won’t like the broken me inside. 

After a few more laps around the track I jogged back to the room, upon entering I smiled as I found Kenma right where I left him, but this time he had a box of cheez its next to him. “Those are terrible for your health,” I said to him as I wiped the sweat off my face and got my shower stuff. 

“They taste good,” was his response and I chuckled as I went to the shower. 

I let the cold water wash away my sweat and worry, it was the first day of classes so life goes back to normal. No time for parties, or pretty blonde guys, I have work to get done. I’ve already started planning for the homecoming rally. Our football team is one of the best in the college circuit. We’ve won the national championship more than any other university, and hold the title 3 years running now. So I’ve got to make this homecoming a success, but it’s a gigantic operation, millions of people will be in attendance. So I have to make sure everything runs smoothly. Plus I have to set up the halftime show, all of these things weighed on me, plus my full class load. I’ll do it though, drown myself in work so I don’t have time for anything else. 

“Ready?” I asked Kenma as I slipped into my favorite yellow sweatshirt and he nodded as he got up, not even bothering to grab a backpack. 

“Yeah, Akaashi said he was going to be running late. Bokuto is in a mood after smacking his face into a door,” he said and I laughed and nodded as I packed my bag. 

“That’s fine, not surprised,” I said quietly as I put on my shoes and we walked out the door. 

“Where’s Kuroo?” I asked Kenma, Kuroo is in all STEM classes, and he holed up in the science lab most of the time. So I never saw him much, but Kuroo had told me that we were in a class together. 

“He’s got marketing with us at 3PM,” he said quietly. 

I felt my stomach rumble as we passed through the quad and looked up at the time, slightly cursing myself for taking too long of a shower. “I forgot breakfast,” I said quietly as we walked to the building and found our room. 

“We’ll get something after, we’ve got a little break till the rest of our classes,” Kenma said and I nodded, I could manage. I can...definitely. 

“Do you still have those cheez itz?” I asked him quietly. 

He pulled out a little bag of them from his pocket and handed them to me, which I ate thankfully as we walked into the room. We managed to find spots up front of the classroom, and Kenma went back to his game as I texted Akaashi that we were already at class. This was an 8AM class, so most everyone looked dead from a weekend of partying, but at least we were here. I felt someone sitting down next to me, and turned with a smile assuming it would be Akaashi, but to my horror a very smug Atsumu Miya sat down next to me. 

“Hey Sho,” he said with a smile. 

Even his chair was far too close to me. Was he here to get revenge for making him strip in front of almost half the student body, or was he still trying to flirt with me, I was unsure. I couldn’t tell much from that calculating smile, it didn’t help that he looked ready to kill from being awake at this hour. How does he still look this hot at 8 in the morning? I didn’t even try to manage my hair before going to class. 

“Hey…” I said awkwardly as I backed up, Kenma peered over my shoulder at him.

“Funny, didn’t know you’d be in this class,” Atsumu said as he leaned on his palm, turning even more towards me. Does this asshole not know what personal space is?

“Yeah...funny,” I said to him. 

“Hinata, I brought you breakfast,” Akaashi said and all of us turned to see Akaashi taking in the scene at hand. He didn’t say much, but walked in front of Kenma and handed each of us a coffee cup and a bag.

“Thank you,” Kenma said quietly as he dug into the sugary thing Akaashi bought him. 

“Thank you Akaashi! I was starving, I even broke down and ate some of Kenma’s cheez itz,” I said purposely trying to ignore the guy actively staring at me. 

“No worries, Kuroo said his “Kenma senses” were tingling and assumed the two of you hadn’t eaten proper food,” he said and I smiled warmly at the breakfast sandwich. 

He peered over at the blonde sitting incredibly too close to me for comfort. I just wanted to eat my sandwich and take out my notebook and pens and enjoy my 8AM lecture on world literature, my last elective. Yet it would seem a certain someone doesn’t want me to do any of that, and just pay attention to him. I thought I embarrassed him enough, what more am I supposed to do to shake this guy?

“No laptop? I don’t see a lot of people taking notes on paper anymore,” he said to me, he was fishing for a way for me to respond in any possible way he could. I was gonna slam my head on the desk. Well...I can be mean, I’ll just put salt in his wounds so he’ll get upset and call me an asshole and leave me alone. It usually works best to wound their pride with his type. 

“Saw lots of pictures of you yesterday,” I said to Atsumu with a bright smile. 

“Ya did, well I made sure you got a good look didn’t I? Can’t get enough huh Shou,” he said suggestively and I stared forward, refusing to turn towards him again. 

“It wasn’t that great.”

That was a complete lie. 

He was... _probably the hottest person I’ve ever seen in my life_. 

“Oh ya? Then I’ll just have to challenge ya again next weekend,” he said coyly, his hand reached over and poked at my notebook trying to get my attention. 

“Shoyo doesn’t go to parties during the school year,” Kenma said, I looked over and saw both Akaashi and Kenma observing this scene. I think Kenma was...recording us?? Oh no, he’ll probably send this to the group chat. Kill me. 

“Why not?” Atsumu asked, he actually sounded...a little sad. 

“School comes first, and drinking isn’t good for running,” I said to him. 

“So what, I have to wait for ya to come to a party until the end of the semester?” He asked and I finally peered over at him. 

“Yep,” I said and he scoffed as he rubbed his mouth. 

“Well fuck,” he said and I smirked knowing that I’ve won. No way would he waste his time on me, he just wanted me to be another notch in his bedpost, and I will not be that easy...not anymore. 

“It’s going to be a long semester for you,” I said to him with a wide smile as I bit the end of my pencil suggestively just to add some more salt to the wound. He dropped his head onto the table in front of him. 

“You’re killing me,” he said and I giggled as I watched as the teacher came into class. 

He didn’t even bother to act like he was taking notes during class. He’d peer over at my notebook, his foot would “accidentally” graze my leg. He’d fidget next to me, lowering his head continuously in a bad bid to get a look of my eyes. I finally felt relief when class was over and I shot to my feet. I threw all of my things haphazardly into my bag, maybe I can take this class online...I can’t handle this shit. 

“What’s your next class Shou?” Atsumu asked and I was so close to chucking my pen at that perfect face.

“None till the afternoon,” I said and he pursed his lips, he isn’t nearly as deterred as he should be. Oh god, don’t tell me he likes hard to get. This is such a pain. 

“Me either, wanna study together in the library?” He asked and Akaashi had to hide his laugh behind his hand as they watched. Other people were watching too. I couldn’t fuck this up. 

“A, it’s the first day of class so there’s nothing to study, and B I didn’t know a football jock like you knew how to read,” I said with a tight smile.  _ Get the hint dumbass _ . 

“Huh...well I’ll just have to keep on trying then,” he said with a shit eating grin and I was ready to explode. 

“Come on Shoyo,” Kenma said as he tugged at my sleeves. My friends ushered me out of the room before I killed someone. 

“I can’t fucking believe him,” I seethed as we were out of ear shot and outside. 

“He’s really into you,” Akaashi said and I sighed deeply. 

“I did not ask for this, why is this my life,” I said with a dramatic sigh as my friends looked on at my imminent breakdown. 

I heard my phone buzz and I pulled it out flipping the phone open and staring at the name on the screen. Why now...why  _ fucking now _ ????

“Shoyo, is that-.” I cut Kenma off as I hastily shoved my phone back in my pocket. 

“I’ve got to get a bunch of student government stuff so I’m going to hole up in the office for a while. Go get some sleep Kenma, and say Hi to Bokuto for me Akaashi,” I said quickly...I was already feeling the impending panic attack rising like bile in the back of my throat. 

“Hinata, you shouldn’t be alone right now if that’s who I think it is,” Akaashi said, but I held my hands up and backed away. 

“It’s not, I’m just...gonna go. See you later!” I said quickly as I ran off. 

One of the perks of being student government president is that I get a small stipend and a shoe box sized office in the back of the student union. Or as I like to call it my personal panic attack cell. There’s a desktop from the 90s in there that somehow still runs better than my laptop and a coffee maker which Akaashi tells me I can’t use under any circumstances and I listen when Akaashi gets all scary like that. But my favorite thing was that there was this big nice desk, and I had a pillow and blanket stashed underneath it so I could hide from everyone in my dark office. It was safe here, no blonde jocks, doting friends, or exs could find me here. 

I stayed down there for a few hours in the dark working on emails and everything we needed for the upcoming games for all fall sports. Trying to coordinate with the marching band is the bane of my god damn existence, but it’s cool and everyone likes it so here I am. That’s when I heard someone knock on the door and I stilled. If I just sat here quietly enough you couldn’t tell anyone was here. I think. 

“Hinata, I know you’re in there. Can I come in?” A familiar voice said and I sighed as I leaned over slightly to see the familiar grey hair waving at me from the door. 

I motioned for him to come in and he nodded as he quietly walked in and took note of my strange arrangement. “You know you usually use the desk, and the lights when you’re working in the office right?” Suga asked and I looked away. 

“I’m hiding,” I said to him and he nodded as he walked behind the desk and sat on the ground across from me. 

“Oh I know, Daichi told me that everyone was looking for you,” he said and I just bit my nail as I looked away. 

“I just...can’t keep it up anymore,” I said motioning to myself, the tears threatening to spill over, but I won’t let them. 

“Keep what up?” He asked me and I sucked in a deep breath. 

“This persona, I’m...not as happy as everyone thinks I am. And I can handle certain things, but this asshole keeps texting me, and Atsumu keeps harassing me and I can’t take it. It’s already day one of this semester and I had to hide in this office,” I said quickly like I couldn’t breathe enough. 

“Okay, alright let’s take a deep breath,” Suga said as he patted my shoulder. “Let’s fix this one thing at a time,” he said and I sighed and nodded. 

“Not a lot you can fix, I’m not doing anything,” I said to him and he nodded tapping his finger against his chin in thought. 

“Well, you rarely use your phone anyways, so maybe shutting it off during the day would help with your first problem,” he said and I nodded, that...wasn’t a bad idea. “Then for your Atsumu problem, turn him down right out so you at least know he’s being an ass and not thinking you’re playing hard to get,” this was also a good idea...how is he so good at this? “And as for your “persona” as you put it, I just like Hinata. I didn’t become friends with you because of your popularity, or beer pong prowess, I’m your friend because I want to be.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Thanks Suga, I really appreciate it,” I said quietly. 

“Now can I tell Bokuto that you’re here because he has been texting me “UPDATE” for almost a half an hour now,” Suga said as he held up his phone and I laughed as I saw he genuinely was continually messaging it.

“Yeah you can,” I said with a laugh and he looked relieved as he messaged Bokuto quickly on his phone. Then he thought for a moment and turned back to me. “Hinata….I know you’re capable of doing this job, you’re doing well in your classes, and everyone likes you. I wish there was a way I could convince you that you don’t need to feel so pressured all the time. I know you can do it, I believe it with all my heart,” he said and I wanted to cry. 

“Suga,” I said and he pulled me into a hug. 

“Hinata!” We heard someone yell down the hall, and then the door slammed open. “Where is my son!” Bokuto yelled in the doorway. 

“I messaged you a minute ago how did you get here that fast?” Suga said and Bokuto basically vaulted over the desk and in front of the two of us. 

“I am a very fast runner, not as fast as my son, but fast,” was his only explanation as he crouched down in front of me. “We’ve been looking for you all over,” he said and I took a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to be alone for a bit,” I said to him and he nodded as he patted my shoulder. 

“I completely understand son, but let’s go get lunch. If you’re okay with that?” He asked, seeing the worry on my face. 

“I think that’s a good idea too, Daichi is here somewhere as well, I’ll get him to come,” Suga said as he stood up and we all followed suit. 

I took a look at my cozy little corner and knew I couldn’t stay here anymore. So I followed them back to the cafeteria and found my other friends waving me over. I found myself just sitting here in the crowded lunchroom feeling lost in the noise. I would nod and pay some attention when people talked, but I was far away from where I was. He’s been texting a lot more lately, I wonder why. Doesn’t seem like him to come off as desperate, But that’s 3 text messages in the course of a week. He never does that. 

It somehow...makes me feel better in a twisted sort of way. Like now he understands how I feel, he’s the one asking for my attention, seeking out an answer when he knows he won’t receive one. He probably keeps texting because he knows I will. Like I used to. I wish he’d let me go, rip out the hooks he’s dug into my skin and leave me alone. I can feel the pull whenever he texts, it worries me on a lot of levels because I wonder if he really is all I’ll have. He’s the one I’m supposed to be with and I’m just fooling myself fighting against this. 

He could take care of me, he definitely has the money now to take care of me for the rest of my life. I’d be his “housewife” who stays at home and cleans the house and is ready to screw whenever he gets home. I’d support him on the sidelines, and kiss him after a game. That would be his perfect version of us. I know that’s what he wants. 

It makes me sick to my stomach. 

“Shoyo you should eat something,” Kenma said as he gently tapped my arm. 

I blinked out of the trance I was in and looked down at my untouched salad. 

“Right, sorry Kenma,” I said as I ate a bite of my salad, but it felt like a rock hitting my stomach. This isn’t good. I've got practice later. 

“Sho, did he text you?” Kenma asked quietly. 

Everyone else was having conversations around us, and idly chatting, but I could see them watching us from the corner of their eyes. I hate that they worry about me constantly. It makes me worry more, hide things more because I don’t want my friends to be worried. I know they care, they do, but...I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the weight of everything on my shoulders. It'll break me. 

“Yeah, I haven’t looked,” was all I said about it as I stuffed more food in my mouth in hopes that no one would expect me to speak with salad in my mouth. 

“You know maybe you should delete his number, so he can’t keep texting you, or block him,” Kenma said and I pretended to think about it. 

“Yeah I tried that, he just finds my number again,” I said quickly. 

A complete lie, I’ve never once been able to delete the number.

“I could try if you’d like, or-.”

“It’s fine, but thank you,” I said to him with a smile, but I wanted to throw up. 

_ Just make it all stop.  _

I’d do anything to get rid of these chains that tie me to that bastard. 

But they’re a lot stronger than I knew, and now it’s too late. 

Even though he’s not in eye sight I know he’s watching. 

_ I hate it so much.  _

“Hey Sho, can I join your table,” Atsumu said, startling everyone out of the heavy atmosphere at the table. 

He just has to pick the  _ worst  _ moments to shove himself into my life. 

I sometimes wonder if I would have met him first...if things would be different. 

But that’s not what happened. 

“Atsumu I am not interested in you, and frankly I’m getting annoyed so please just leave me alone!” I blurted out, my frustration reaching an all time high. 

He looked... _ really hurt.  _

“Oh, sure I’ll lay off. Sorry I can be...kind of an asshole,” he rubbed the back of his neck and my heart dropped.  _ Do I want him to leave me alone? _ I don’t even know, but right now I just can’t handle this, but he doesn’t know this about me. He doesn’t know me at all. 

“No wait, Atsumu I-.” I started, but the damage was done. 

“No it’s cool, you’re right. I’ll leave you be, see ya,” he said quietly as he turned and left as fast as his feet would take him. 

I immediately slammed my head on the table. Please let the world consume me. 

“Shoyo that was kind of mean,” Kuroo said and I didn’t bother a response. 

“I know! I’ll...go apologize,” I said as I quickly got up from the table and followed to where he escaped. 

I was quick on my feet, and finally found him outside of the gym sitting on the steps holding his head in his hands. Oh my god was he crying, this is not good. “Atsumu!” I called out and he slowly looked up as I ran and skidded to a stop in front of him. 

“Well, if that’s what it took to get you to call my name I’ll take it,” he said, but his smile was dim and he wouldn’t exactly look at me. 

“Listen, I’m sorry. It’s not...you okay. I just don’t want to sleep around anymore, and I haven’t been interested in relationships for a long time. So it’s just best to give up,” I said quickly, the words tumbling out before I could lose the confidence to say them. 

He listened to what I said, but there was that pain in his eyes. “Sure Sho, I’ll give it a rest. I’ve got the season to focus on anyways,” he said calmly, but his eyes were far away. 

“Oh...great,” I said, but I doubt my eyes made it seem like I was that convincing. 

“Can I ask you one thing though, before I give up,” he said and I peered at him. What could he want to ask?

“Depends on the question,” I said vaguely and he nodded. 

“Why’d you quit football? You were really good in the high school circuit,” he said to me and I widened my eyes. 

“You...remember me from high school?” I asked him weirdly and he looked away. 

“Just kinda, but I just wanted to know. It can’t have been an injury or somethin’ cuz you’re a great athlete still,” he said and I felt really touched. “So I just...wanna know.”

How am I supposed to answer that, no way can I tell him the truth. I’ll just give him half the truth. No one else needs to know the rest, “I lost my love for football. I didn’t want to play anymore,” I said to him and he stared into my eyes. 

Looks like he found some other answer in my features and nodded slowly. “Got it, well...for what it’s worth. My feelings are genuine for you. I mean it, I’ve liked you...for a long time now,” The way he worded that was very pointed.  _ Deliberate _ , but I couldn’t figure out the meaning. I think there’s a small part of me that doesn’t want him to go away. 

“Thanks...that means a lot,” I said to him and he just huffed out a laugh. 

“Stop looking so cute, it’s hard to give ya up lookin’ like that,” he said and I widened my eyes at his comment. 

“Sorry, it’s...my face,” I said lamely, and he actually laughed at that. 

“Alright, I gotta get to practice anyways. See ya round Sh-... _ Hinata _ ,” he got up and passed by me slowly. 

I turned to reach out for him, but I stopped because I didn’t know why. I said the truth, that I didn’t want a relationship, that I didn’t want to sleep around anymore, but...he was different for some reason. The moments I thought of him those text messages on my phone disappeared. When I thought of him the chains weighing me down felt lighter. So why can’t I just take the next step, tell him I think of him too. What’s stopping me?

Oh right...I am

Because I’m the dumbest person alive to let go of the hottest man in this universe. 

_ Fuck _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave on a cliffhanger, but that's where it's going right now. Thanks for reading, and the comments make me feel really good about this story. Much better than my teachers have been about my research report for my international business class lol. Next chapter look forward to more BokuAka while Hinata sorts out his feelings. Do not fret I haven't forgotten about KuroKen either <3 For the record both Bokuto&Akaashi, and Kuroo&Kenma are not together just really good friends at this point in the story.
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	7. Akaashi POV: C PLOT? (Intermission 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get some BokuAka B Plot, and they try to get Atsumu out of his funk. Will Atsumu get out of his funk, and will Bokuto ever put on some pants?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW 500 HITS INCREDIBLE! I feel so touched people like my story. I know people don't know the truth yet and still ship KageHina, but for the real ones who are here before the anime shows more Atsumu thanks for reading! This is a really long update, my mind kind of goes wild when it comes to Bokuto and Akaashi and here we are. I hope you like it!

I’ve always been a relatively calm person,  _ passive _ might be a better word for it. I’m not sure if it’s the way I am, or something I’ve crafted over the years, but I’m known for not showing much emotion around people. I’m calm in all sorts of situations like exams, deadlines, or in sports. Nothing really phases me, but...out of everything in the world there’s one thing that stirs something inside me. I feel it as a pang in my chest, a blush on my cheeks, and the widening of my eyes when he says something genuinely nice about me. It’s a rush through my whole body when he’s around, but...he is not interested in me. 

This is the enigma and huge pain that is known as Koutaro Bokuto. 

“Bokuto, you are older than me. So tell me why I’m still waking you up every day for school,” I said as I stared down at Bokuto,  _ butt naked _ , laying face down on his bed. Bokuto had told me from a young age he doesn’t like being inhibited by clothes. Getting him to just wear a shirt during practice in high school was hard enough, now as an adult it’s even harder. 

“Just get used to it already, god knows I have,” Kuroo said to me with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he passed me towards the bathroom. 

“Oh I am used to it,” I said lamely as I sighed down at the guy I’ve had a crush on for almost ten years now snoring away like a hibernating bear. 

I’ve known Bokuto since we were in middle school together. The star football player that everyone liked, the loud, ever popular, and incredibly handsome Koutaro Bokuto was the apple of my eye. The one major problem with him is that he is without a doubt the  _ densest man I’ve ever met.  _ No matter how hard I tried to gain his affection and attention in high school I was regulated to best friend territory. I have come to accept this, but I still hope for more. 

Who am I kidding though, he deserves someone great and strong like he is. I can’t keep up with him no matter how hard I try. Next year he’ll go onto a professional team, and I’ll finish college and work for a publishing company. We’ll call each other on the phone from time to time until we fade from each other's memories. Right...that’s what will happen. That’s the path we’re going down, the path where I don’t say anything. I’m fine with the pain, at least that’s what I tell myself. 

“Kaashi! You have that weird look on your face, what’s wrong?” He asked as he curled up and sat on the edge of his bed. 

Please put on some pants

_ Please _ put on some pants

_ Please for the love of god stop tormenting me like this _

“Just annoyed that I have to continually wake you up for class,”I tried to look anywhere other than at the very naked man sitting in front of me. He just sighed as he sat up, still walking around completely naked. 

I love his hair when it’s down and not styled. I mean I love his hair either way, the salt and pepper look suits him nicely. Not to mention those golden eyes that compliment his whole look, I love when he watches me with those beautiful eyes. I’d let him stare at me for hours if he asked. Even now examining his back he’s incredibly toned and bulked up, not to mention his as-.

“What do you think, blue or white?” He asked me, holding up the options, and I quickly pointed to the blue one in an attempt to hide the growing blush on my cheeks. 

“You look nice in dark blue,” I said to him and he beamed a blinding smile at me. 

“Thanks Kaashi! You’re always saying such nice things to me,” he said and my smile felt tight across my face. Of course I say nice things to you, because I lo-.

“Have you seen Atsumu lately? I’m worried if the guy is gonna quit the team,” Kuroo said as he walked back into the room, he had a towel around his waist. Apparently no one cares if I see them naked in this damn fraternity. 

“Yeah I know,” Bokuto said as he nodded stoically. 

It’s been two weeks since Hinata had finally turned the star quarterback down, and...none of us were expecting that Atsumu would be so upset. He was basically a ghost around campus, just floating between class and practice. He barely eats unless his brother makes him, and he switched his seats in class to sit as far away from Hinata as possible. It is what Hinata asked for, but I didn’t expect  _ both  _ of them to be this upset about it. 

“I don’t know what to do, we’ve got qualifying matches coming up soon and if he’s not on his A game I’m worried he’ll be benched,” Kuroo said and I looked around the room curiously. 

“He’d never quit the game, or be benched. He loves football too much for that,” Bokuto said optimistically, which is what I expected of him. 

“Yeah, but...I don’t know man. I think there’s more to this crush than we realize Bo,” Kuroo said and we all nodded. 

“I’ll talk to Tsumu, Akaashi too!” He said and my eyes widened as he turned to me. “We’ve got time after class! So let’s figure this out. You’re always so good at getting me out of my moods, I’m sure you’d be able to help him too,” Bokuto said with a wide grin and he  _ still wasn’t wearing pants I swear to god.  _

“Sure, but we won’t do that if you don’t get dressed so we can make it to our class,” I said to him and his eyes widened and he frantically ran around the room. 

“Yes! I’ll buy you a smoothie for waking me up! The one you like from the café!” Bokuto said as he ran out of the room with a haphazard pile of clothes and shower supplies. 

“You guys are basically married at this point,” Kuroo said as he smirked at me and I shrugged. 

“He’s not interested in me,  _ at all _ , and neither am I.” It was a blatant lie, and he knew it but still chucked as he nodded and shook out his hair like a dog as he walked to his side of the room and got his books together. 

“Sure he’s not, whatever you say  _ Kaashi, _ ” I glared at him pointedly. 

“What about you? I heard you went on a date with Kenma,” I said to him and he shot up, almost falling out of the jeans he was putting on, his face beet red. I wasn’t expecting this response, but it was funny to see. 

“It wasn’t a date! We just...Kenma wanted pizza, and...I um...it was just a friend thing because we were at…”

“Are you sure you have the best grades in your department. I bring up Kenma and you can’t even form a sentence,” I said to him and now it was his turn to glare at me. 

“What am I supposed to say? It’s hard to make any kind of move because we’ve been intimate for our whole lives. Plus he probably doesn’t even feel romantic attraction, so it’s a lost cause,” he said to me and I laughed. 

I’m always the one people come to for love advice, even though I have a serious lack of it in my life. “I think Kenma needs a direct approach. You need to tell him you have feelings for him that are more than just childhood friends. I’m sure your feelings will be reciprocated, but don’t fuck it up,” I said pointing at him and he balked at me. 

“You say good advice, but then you end it with that! Why do you just assume I’m going to fuck it up?” He said accusingly and I chuckled lightly. 

“Just look at your hair, you can’t be trusted,” I said to him and he rolled his eyes. 

“This is something I can’t control!” He pointed at his horrible cow lick in the back. “If I hadn’t known you for so long I would think you were making fun of me,” his eyes gazed over his project on his computer he was typing some notes on now with vigor. 

“I  _ am _ making fun of you,” I said as I sat down on Bokuto’s bed and checked my phone. 

After a bit of mutual silence as we waited on Bokuto to come back Kuroo finally broke the silence. “I think I’d give you the same advice,” he said quietly and I turned to peer at him sitting at his makeshift desk staring pensively out the window. 

“What do you mean?” I asked him and he sighed as he leaned his head back to look at me. I noticed the serious look in his eyes as he studied me. 

“I think you need a direct approach with Bokuto. Your relationship isn’t complicated like Kenma and I’s. Yours is...your problem is Bokuto is dense. He doesn’t like people beating around the bush, he just wants pure honesty. Plus I highly doubt anything would change about your relationship. He talks about you constantly, you do everything together,” Kuroo said and I turned away to hide the red on my cheeks. 

“He deserves someone...better,” I said painfully. It’s the truth, everytime I try to think of our future all I can think about is how I can’t match up to him. I don’t stand out much, I’m not popular, I don’t enjoy parties, lots of the things Bokuto enjoys are things I do not. We’re not a match, believe me I’ve overanalyzed this for years now. 

“You deserve better, not him. The dumbass doesn’t even understand the concept of romance, unless he’s all pent up then that’s a different story. Lay it all out on the table and he’ll be there for you,” Kuroo said and I took a deep breath. 

“Lay it all out on the table,” I repeated, I swished the words around on my tongue, figuring out if this was the answer I was looking for. 

“Lay what on the table? Kuroo? No he did that the other week when he got trashed and started to strip-.”Kuroo smacked him in the head with a pen to shut him up. Bokuto pouted, seemingly not realizing it probably wasn’t polite conversation to talk about Kuroo’s strip tease after Atsumu stripped at the party the other week. 

“Bo! That’s not at all what we were talking about!” Kuroo said and I covered my mouth to hide the chuckle at the current situation. 

Bokuto was fully dressed and currently applying the gel to his hair. “Oh sorry Tetsu! But what were you talking about?” His golden eyes went back to me as he returned Kuroo his pen. 

“Nothing, just...talking about an assignment,” I said lamely and Kuroo laughed a little too loudly from his desk. 

“Oh really? I still haven’t done the reading for class today,” Bokuto said as he rubbed the back of his neck and I felt the vein in my forehead twitch at that. 

“Why not?” I asked as I stood up and looked at him. He just balked at the angry gaze I had on him. 

“I just...uh, I-.”

“Did you even buy the book?” I asked him pointedly. 

His silence told me everything I needed to know and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Buy me breakfast and I’ll catch you up to speed,” I said to him and he smiled as he hugged me tightly and grabbed his backpack haphazardly as he pushed me towards the door. 

“Anything you want Kaashi! See ya at practice Kuroo!” Bokuto yelled as he ushered me out of the fraternity house. 

I joined the football team in middle school as one of the managers. I had no interest in sports or extracurriculars, but a friend of mine asked me to manage the team with him and I agreed. At first it was hard, setting up practice matches, getting to know the team members, helping out at practices, I didn’t know if I could do it. However there became one thing that was apparent, I knew how to get Bokuto out of his moods, and I was the only one who could do it. 

_“_ _ Where is Bokuto-san?” I asked, looking for that grey hair amongst the other middle school students.  _

_ “He’s in the shame corner,” Washio, my friend and manager said defeatedly.  _

_ “The shame corner?” I asked strangely and he sighed even louder.  _

_ “You’ll learn about this eventually best to start now,” Washio said as he motioned for me to follow and we walked towards the bleachers.  _

_ I saw before he even needed to point it out. Bokuto was hunched over, squatting near the farthest corner underneath the bleachers staring into the darkness. It seemed almost comical, but I realized that this was serious for him. “Bokuto practice is going to start soon,” Washio said, but he didn’t move an inch. He almost looked like a stone figure if I didn’t see the slight movement of his shoulders as he took deep breaths in and out.  _

_ “Bokuto-san,” I said quietly and his head lifted slightly when I spoke. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I asked as I inched over.  _

_ “....stupid,” he mumbled and I cocked my head as I squatted down in front of him.  _

_ He was big then too, all muscle and boundless energy. Yet right now he looked so small sitting here, it looked like he was crying too. I wonder what happened. I had heard about his moods, but I’d never seen one in person. “I didn’t hear what you said, could you talk to me?” I asked him and he lifted his head.  _

_ This was the first time I’ve been that close to those golden eyes. They seemed to pierce me through like a knife, straight into my heart. The look was fleeting, but my eyes widened and I felt rooted to the ground as he tried to contain himself to speak. “I just...I was doing really well with my passes that I forgot how to play the game,” he said angrily staring at the ground. The crocodile tears pouring over as he talked. Like a little kid...even though he was 13 now.  _

_ “You forgot how to play?” I asked incredulously, this seemed impossible. Bokuto even at this age was already outshining everyone else. A force to be reckoned with on the defensive line. How could he just forget? _

_ “I...sometimes forget things, and so I put myself in the shame corner since I am too stupid to play,” he managed to get out through his sobs.  _

_ I thought for a moment, and then set my hand on his arm. He immediately trained those golden eyes back on me as I took a deep breath. “Well...I don’t think you’re stupid Bokuto-san. I love seeing you play, even at practice. You’re the coolest on the field, and I know you can do this if you put your mind to it,” I said to him and his eyes kept widening as he stared at me.  _

_ “You really mean that?” He asked quietly.  _

_ “I do,” I said with a nod.  _

_ He immediately shot to his feet slamming his head on the bleachers above us, but seemingly was not deterred by the pain. He put his fists on his hips and proudly stood there. “You’re right! You’re looking forward to watching me, and I can’t let my Akaashi down right?” He said as he smiled down at me.  _

_ …. _ his Akaashi _ …. _

_ “Let’s go back to practice,” he said as he reached his hand down towards me.  _

_ I’ve never let go of that hand since.  _

“Kaashi!” Bokuto whined as we got out of our lecture. I basically had to save his ass the entire hour, but it was worth it since I wouldn’t have to deal with one of his moods for the rest of the day. 

“What Bokuto?” I asked as I was putting my things away in my bag. 

“Let’s go talk to Tsumu! He can’t sulk like this when the championship starts next week!” He said to me and I just sighed as I looked up at him. 

Like I would ever say no to you. 

“Sure, but where are we going to find him?” I asked Bokuto and he smiled. 

“I know exactly where he is!” Bokuto said as he grabbed my hand and we set off through campus at a breakneck pace. I’ve grown used to this, my hand doesn’t even get clammy anymore as he holds my hand. 

We ended up at fraternity row and Bokuto was there knocking on the front door of HAI house. Our campus has lots of smaller fraternities, but the two biggest are HAI and KYU. Most of the varsity starting line up of the football team is split evenly between the two. Surprisingly though Sugawara opened the door and eyed us curiously. 

“What’s up?” He asked as he looked at the two of us standing there. 

“We’re looking for Tsumu!” Bokuto exclaimed and Suga took a tentative step back. 

“And why are  _ you  _ here?” I said giving Suga a pointed look and he just winked at me. 

“My boyfriend lives here, so I can be here when I want. And Tsumu has been sitting in the backyard staring at a tree for 6 hours so I’m glad someone is here to save him from his brain rot,” Suga said as he ushered us in and pointed towards the back. 

“Six hours?” I asked and Suga nodded with a loud sigh. 

“He...kind of lost his drive recently, he won’t talk to anyone. Not even Osamu. Maybe you guys will have luck,” Suga said hopefully as we walked towards the back sliding doors, passing Daichi surrounded by a pile of work in the living room. 

Sure enough Atsumu was just leaning on the railing of the porch, staring out into the backyard. His lips were set in a tight line and his eyes were all bloodshot, with heavy bags under his eyes. This is more than just some stupid infatuation, I don’t think anyone realized just how serious Atsumu was in the past few weeks. I can see this rejection has taken a serious toll on him both mentally and physically. But why? He’s been with tons of people since the start of university...what’s changed?

I put a hand on Bokuto’s chest and gave him a look to tone it down. He just nodded and followed my lead. Atsumu knew we were there, he definitely heard the back door open, but he didn’t turn, nor did he acknowledge our presence. “Atsumu...what are you doing back here?” I asked him. It’s best not to get right down to it in case I scare him off. But he just sighed loudly as he peered over at us standing at a respectable distance away. 

“Just getting some fresh air,” he said, even I could see his usual attitude was noticeably gone. He seemed...calm, almost lifeless, it was...very unsettling. 

“Hey man, I uh...I don’t know how to be subtle,” Bokuto started and I widened my eyes as he passed me and walked towards Atsumu. “But Akaashi is a great listener, and always pulls me out of bad moods. Why don’t we try to figure out how to make you normal Atsumu again,” Bokuto said as he lightly smacked him on the back, and it nearly knocked the poor guy off the porch. 

“What is there to fix Bo? Not much to do when I was fervently and blatantly rejected,” Atsumu said as he tried to make a joke out of it, but his smile seemed forced. 

“But...if I can ask, why is this that important to you? You never seemed to care about your partner's before. At least not like this,” I said as I moved forward as well. 

He turned and looked at me and nodded lightly. “Well...truth is...this isn’t just some new crush for me. I didn't put the pieces together until recently, but I’ve had a crush on him for a long time now,” he said breathlessly. 

“Like when I hit him with the ball last year?” Bokuto asked and he shook his head. 

“Nah...like...when we were in high school. I found him practicing alone during a summer training camp. We spent all our free time together, and I...loved every goddamn minute of it. I didn’t realize it was him until that party...I looked at him and it hit me like a brick wall. Oh my god, he’s….Shou. The one I’ve had a crush on for almost 6 years now,” Atsumu said and my eyes widened at this sudden confession. What...really? Why didn’t Hinata tell me about this?

“But...there’s no way, otherwise he would have told one of us,” Bokuto said voicing my own thoughts, and Atsumu laughed sadly as he nodded.

“Well he probably didn’t want to after what happened,” he said and both of us stared at Atsumu. “His boyfriend found us, and assumed we were more than practice buddies. I hadn’t even realized he had a boyfriend to be honest. I thought we had such a great connection, Shou opened up to me, loved my attention, loved every fucking minute we had. So it was shocking seeing his partner show up and the color drained from Shou’s face. He made Hinata swear to never see me again, and threatened me to my face. I should have known that someone had stolen my sunshine before I even had a chance to have it,” he said, and I felt the serious hurt from his words. 

“Shou wouldn’t even look at me after that,” Atsumu continued after a pause. “ And I left the training camp never to see him again until last year,” he said quietly, a tear dropped from his eye landing almost too loudly in the deafening silence felt around us. “Osamu had made this joke when we were younger,” he said after a long moment of silence so he could collect himself. “That I have the second man syndrome. Like in those rom coms, the main character at the start of the movie is with this nice, respectable man, but she’s stolen away to be with the main character because that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m not the main love interest in this story. I’ve been the second choice for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what would make this any different. Or what made me think I had a chance now that Shou was single.”

I struggled to find the words to say, and hated to see that even inadvertently Hinata had caused Atsumu so much pain. “It’s...not that simple. Shou’s break up left him really broken, and it’s nothing about you-.”

“That’s the fundamental problem isn’t it,” he said pointedly and this time his gaze bore holes into my skin. “It’s neither of our faults. It’s not my fault for loving him, and it’s not his fault for his situation. So where do we go from here? I try to let go, but it feels like someone took a part of me. Like I would have to tear off my arms if I left this love behind. It hurts Akaashi, so how am I supposed to fix it?” 

We were all silent for a moment as I thought. There’s only one thing I could say, the same advice I gave myself all those years ago when Bokuto stared into my eyes for the first time. “You wait for him,” It might be selfish, but...it’s the only answer I have. “Because if they’re not ready for a relationship then you wait until they are. If your love is true, you’ll wait until he’s ready. Honestly I encouraged him to pursue you, but he’s...a lot more fragile than you would imagine. Bokuto and I know we’ve been around him for a long time. Basically family at this point,” I said and Atsumu nodded slowly, his eyes turning back to the horizon. 

I turned to Bokuto for support, but he had his eyes trained on me. A strange look on his face, I’ve never seen this look before and I fear what it means. He seemed to be almost...analytical, like when I force him to look through the book for the answer to a question he’s asked me. He scans each page with care, grinding the gears in his brain until I can basically see the steam coming from his ears. I looked away, but felt those gold eyes still on me as I turned back to Atsumu. A different problem for a different time. 

“Life doesn’t stop when your feelings aren’t returned,” I said to Atsumu and he seemed to still as I said those words. “You’ve got more important things to worry about, you’ve got the championship coming up, homecoming, and hell even your grades to think about. I know about long time crushes, and how much it hurts when they aren’t reciprocated,” he turned when I said that, his eyes flitted towards Bokuto on my right and then back to me. “You end up being okay with what you have. Why don’t you try being Hinata’s friend? Start there,” I said to him as I patted his shoulder. 

He thought about it for a moment and he slightly smiled and nodded. “Bo was right, you do have good advice,” he finally said as he sighed loudly and pressed his forehead against the railing. “I’ll be whatever Shou wants...if it’s a friend...then I’ll be a friend,” he said quietly. 

“There you go,” I said as I rubbed his back. “We’ve all been worried about you, take care of yourself and get back to the game. You’ve got people you can depend upon, so depend on us a little,” I said to him and he nodded and smiled at me. 

“Thanks  _ Kaashi _ ,” he said and winked at Bokuto...no one else uses my nickname. No one flirts with me because they assume I’m already with Bokuto. All of these things are things I’ve had to come to terms with...since choosing to wait for this dense idiot. 

“No worries, now come on Bokuto I have to escort you to your Psych class,” I said pulling on Bokuto’s arm. 

That strange expression seemed to slightly weaken as he nodded and allowed me to pull him along. “You better be at practice early tonight Tsumu!” Bokuto said as he called back. 

“Sure thing Bo, wouldn’t miss it,” he said as he watched us leave with a playful smile on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

We walked down the street back to campus and I noticed how uncomfortably quiet it was. It’s  _ never _ like this, Bokuto always fills silence with whatever thought is on his mind. He can’t keep things to himself, always blurting out anything on his mind. This is the first time I can recall that I’ve had 5 minutes of silence between the two of us. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked him as we lazily walked down the street. Neither of us were that excited to get back to campus for the boring lecture. 

“No...uh maybe...no...yes,” he said, and I laughed at him voicing his internal conflict. 

“Spit it out, it’s not like you to keep things in,” I said to him and he eyed me curiously before nodding and staring ahead again as he collected his thoughts. 

“You...said to Tsumu that you’ve been in love with someone for a long time. But…” and I noticed the pout forming on his face. “You haven’t mentioned anything to me about it at all,” he said quietly and I wanted to throw myself into traffic rather than deal with this conversation. 

“It’s not that important,” I said dismissively, but even I know that never works with Bokuto. Because nothing is ever that simple with him. 

“It is! How can you say that! Love is so important, you deserve to be with this person whoever they are!” Bokuto said and I sighed as he jogged ahead to stop in front of me. “So tell me and I’ll help you get with them,” he said and I sighed loudly as both of us stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and in the middle of a conversation I did not want to be in. 

“That’s sort of impossible for you to help,” I said to him and he pouted even more.

“What? Then it’s someone I know...hmmmm….is it Kuroo! Oh my god!” He yelled in shock and I rolled my eyes and shook my head. 

“No it’s not,” I said, even thinking about it made me laugh. 

“Give me a hint then! I wanna help in anyway I can!” 

_ A hint _ ...I’ve given you like 10 million at this point, but what’s one more. Kuroo’s words came to mind as I stared at Bokuto...lay it out on the table... huh. “He’s got gold eyes,” I said and Bokuto seemed to think about it. 

“Kenma? No way, you don’t seem to be into the small petite types. See  _ petite _ , that’s a word you taught me the other week! No that’s not what we’re talking about, hmmmm...another hint,” he said and I wanted to slam my head on the wall. 

“He’s on the starting line up of the football team,” I said to him, that  _ had _ to narrow it down, please god take the hint. 

“Hmmm...Osamu is taken, and really is taken with Omi. He even put a hand sanitizer keychain on his gym bag. It's super cute! Not Atsumu, he’s definitely in love with our son, and we ruled out Kuroo. Can’t be Asahi-.”

“His last name starts with a B,” I said.  _ How many hints can I give you????? _

“A B? Well...the only one with a last name that starts with a B is…” his voice trails off as he seemed to figure it out. It literally looked like his brain stopped working as he stared at me. Then I jumped as he clamped his hands down on my shoulders. “You...love  _ me _ ,” he said and I would have pitched myself into traffic if he wasn’t holding me in place. 

“Yeah...but it’s fine, I’ve given up on it-.”

“ **No** ,” he said and I blinked as I looked at him. 

“No…?” I asked confused and he nodded, a determined look appearing on his face.Sort of like when he’s in the middle of a difficult play. He holds the line with a fierce and hungry determination. He seemed determined to hold onto whatever he was thinking of with sheer willpower alone. 

“Don’t give up on it! Because...I-.” He steadied himself and took a deep breath, his grip lessened on my shoulders. “I... _ love you too _ .” I think my heart stopped, please someone call an ambulance, or just pitch me into traffic either is fine. “I just thought you were too good for me, my only friend, and I didn’t want to ruin anything. But...oh my god you love me too. I can’t believe this, can I kiss you?” He asked rapidly and I felt incredibly overwhelmed. 

“Whoa! Bokuto, this is all too fast. You didn’t even show me one sign that you were interested in me all this time, and I’ve given so many hints,” I said as I pushed him away and placed a hand on my forehead staring at the concrete below as I got my thoughts in order. 

“You and I both know I’m not that smart when it comes to this. I’m brash and loud, but...you are my everything. Everything, I’m serious,” Bokuto said and I shuddered as I felt his calloused hands gently caress my face and guide my chin up to look at him. “You’re the only one who can brighten my day when I’m in a mood, you go to all my games, we even adopted Hinata together! We do everything together, and I’ve had  _ many _ sexual dreams about you.”

“Please don’t ruin it,” I said quickly. 

“Sorry, but it’s true. I...I’ve thought about grabbing you after a game and kissing you until you can’t see straight. I’ve thought about finding you dancing at a party, and you invite me to join you. I imagined us getting an apartment together after college and you’d be some awesome editor at a publishing place, and I’d play on a pro team and kiss our wedding ring before every game.”

“ _ Wedding ring _ ,” I said breathlessly. 

“Yeah cuz...I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone else. You’re it Kaashi, no... _ Keiji _ . My one and only,” he said and I thought I was going to faint on the spot. 

“Stop, you can’t just agree this easily. I’ve been waiting for 8 years, this is too much,” I said as I covered my face with my hands, and he just chuckled. 

“You’re too cute when you blush, you’re so beautiful.”

“ _ Stop _ , I used to love how truthful you were, but now you’re going to kill me,” I said to him and he laughed as he slowly moved my hands from my face. 

“I can say the things I’ve wanted to say. I just...I don’t know. I’ve never thought much about love and I always wondered why. I never wanted to sleep with anyone, or talk to people in a romantic sense, but...that’s cuz you were there. I mean it Keiji, please...be mine?”

There’s no way I could say no after all that. 

“Of course, Bokuto,” I said breathlessly. 

He was impossibly close, and I felt that the direct approach was all I had left now that he was standing in front of me. I reached forward and grabbed his face pulling him towards my lips. He tasted like the chocolate protein shake he had this morning, and something more. I breathed in him as he kissed me back, his hands settling around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. I felt hungry, and this was finally the food I needed after so many years. 

“Koutaro,” I said as we both stopped to breathe. 

“Keiji,” he said as his eyes traveled around my face. “You look beautiful, those swollen red lips, and the blush on your cheeks,” he said. 

“Don’t say that in public,” I said growing even redder as I grabbed his shirt. “We need to go to class,” I said as I was regaining my composure. 

“I want to have sex,” he said and I sighed as I pressed my forehead into his chest. 

“Class Kotaro, and then you have practice,” I said to him and he whined loudly. 

“Fine, then I want to kiss between classes, maybe in class too,” he said and I grabbed his hand as I pulled him down the road. 

“Just read the assigned reading before class and we’ll see,” I said and he happily walked next to me, our hands intertwined. 

I couldn’t help but touch my lips, it seemed unreal that he just kissed me, called me his, told me to call him  _ Koutaro _ . How intimate. I guess laying it all on the table works. Although I’m not sure why I thought anything else would. Where I’m reserved, Bokuto is bold, it’s like a fact of life, one I should have used in my favor earlier. But...now was fine. Especially when I looked at him standing next to me, still holding my hand through campus. He smiled proudly as he walked next to me, like silently telling everyone around us that I was  _ his _ .  _ I loved it so much _ . 

“I still am worried about Atsumu,” I said to him as we walked over towards the Psych building. 

“Really? He seemed better after we talked to him,” Bokuto said as he swung my arm around like a five year old...but I let him. 

“Yeah...I think it might be painful for Atsumu to just be friends with him. Asking to sacrifice for Hinata’s sake isn’t fair to him. I know it’s painful,” I said and Bokuto stopped as he pulled me towards him. 

“Don’t be sad Keiji!” He yelled and I blushed at both the outburst and the use of my first name in public like this. 

“I’m not, I said before-.”

“Yeah before when I was stupid! I can’t even imagine what I put you though...oh god. I made Kaashi sad didn’t I,” he said as he let me go and his eyes went wide. 

Oh god. 

_ Please not now.  _

“No, no don’t worry about it Koutaro,” I said as I grabbed his face and made him look at me, but I could see the tears. This is worse than I thought. 

“But I hurt you. I...I thought that out of everyone I could make Akaashi smile, but...Keiji I caused you so much pain,” he said as he rested his head on my shoulder and I felt my sweater getting wet from his tears. 

“Kiss me and I’ll forgive you,” I said quickly to him and he shot up suddenly. 

“Really?”

“Really,” I said quietly and he didn’t waste time, not like he ever does, and planted one on me right in the middle of the quad. 

Once he let me go he smiled at me softly, his fingers carded through my hair as we stared at each other. “I’m forgiven?”

“You were never in trouble Koutaro,” I said to him and he smiled again at the name. “You still have to go to class,” I said to him and he sighed loudly. 

“Fine! But can we hang out every single moment for the rest of our lives?” He said and I chuckled as I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before escaping his embrace. 

“Sure, but class first,” I said to him and he sighed loudly as I dragged him towards the classroom. 

All seemed right with the world, I now have a boyfriend...a strange concept, but one I’m happy to explore with him. But my mind kept going back to what Atsumu said...and Hinata’s strange behavior in the past few weeks. I know it’s more of a joke than anything, but Bokuto and I have become Shoyo’s parents in a way. I care a lot about the kid, and now I feel like I’m at a loss. The more I outwardly worry about Hinata the more he hides, and I think he’s hiding even more than any of us realize. 

I remember picking him up from the hospital in his first year at university. He had fainted at a tournament and broken his nose from the fall. We found out he hadn’t eaten in days and was practicing non-stop. That’s when I began to realize this wasn’t just a break up, this was a lot worse than I realized. So I kept close, watched over him, and did everything I could to help him. Have I been too relaxed? Or have I not paid enough attention lately? 

“You look worried,” Osamu said as he saw me sitting in the hallway. 

“Suppose so,” I said to him and he nodded as he sat down next to me. “I talked to Atsumu today,” He looked at me surprised. 

“Really?” I nodded at his response. 

“Yeah Bokuto asked me to come talk to him, but I did most of the work,” I said with a smile and he nodded. 

“Sounds like Bokuto,” he said quietly and we both nodded quietly. “I’m...really worried about Tsumu. Like... _ really _ worried. It might not seem like it with his terrible personality, but...it’s all a cover. He’s actually a very insecure and vulnerable asshole. He came back and cried in our room for almost 2 days when he was turned down. Nothing I did could help him,” Osamu might complain about his brother, but he does genuinely care. I can see that in his eyes now. 

“And I know it’s selfish,” he said after taking a deep breath. “but I worry about the season too. At practice his performance lacks luster, and mostly just the bare minimum. We won’t keep the championship title with that performance. Plus his overall wellbeing has drastically decreased. He was eating an entire bag of Doritos in his bed the other day,” I cringed at the thought. 

“Has he even had a Dorito before?” Atsumu was known for his strict diet regime, the only exception being alcohol on party nights. 

“No he hasn’t, that’s why I’m worried,” Osamu said and he sighed as he hit the back of his head against the wall. 

“I think I helped today...and he might be better in the coming weeks,” I said to him and he nodded as he sat forward again. He bit his fingernail as he thought it over. 

“I’ve got an idea too. But I’ll only use it if things go south,” he said as he nodded and stood up. 

“What’s the plan?” I asked him curiously and he sighed. 

“When we were kids, the best way to get Tsumu to do anything was to promise to give him something he really wanted when he was in one of his funks. He’d perform at 120% if it meant he’d get the cool volleyball shoes he saw in a magazine or something. So….I think it might be our best bet,” he said and I didn’t like the way he was talking. 

“What are you going to bait him with?” I asked my eyes narrowing, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. 

“Don’t know yet,” he said cryptically as he waved absentmindedly and walked down the hall. 

Great...another thing to worry about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know the definition of slow burn hehehehe. Plus when I was thinking about it I was more than 100% sure Bokuto could not take anything slow if he tried. Look forward to Osamu's plot in the next chapter, will they make it to homecoming?
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	8. Atsumu POV: My Reset Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu needs time to process his emotions, and this gives us an interlude into his perspective. This wasn't originally in my plan for this fic, but I kind of started thinking more and more about why I wasn't including his own deep seated emotional issues as well. Everyone has their struggles and even the star-quarter back has insecurities. So hopefully ya'll enjoy this deep dive into the mind of one Atsumu Miya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little sex in this, but it's mostly vague, nothing too crazy and it's like a paragraph long. But just so you know, it's there.

It started to go downhill when I missed a pass at practice for the first time in my life. I wasn’t being tackled by someone, I wasn’t even running. I was standing in place and had all the time in the world to throw and I still missed. As we all watched the ball drop, an apologetic Asahi picked it up telling me “don’t sweat it”, everyone here knew that they should worry. What the hell is wrong with me? 

Even after practice in the locker room Kita tried talking to me, but I was having none of it. I noticed every god damn look on my teammates faces in that locker room. They all just screamed “watch what you say around him” or “we’re worried”. I hate it, I don’t need pity. Yet I’m not one to talk when I can’t even do my fucking job. So I left the locker room without another word, letting the cool night air calm me down. But that didn’t work either, seems like nothing is going my way lately. 

I feel so pathetic, and stupid. Ever since Shou turned me down I felt like someone punched me in the gut, and I can’t escape this sickening feeling in my core. I’ve always gotten everything I’ve ever wanted, but now I can’t get the one thing that I genuinely want. How stupid...what a loser. Hah...that’s what I am, a  _ pathetic loser _ . I can’t sleep, I don’t care about my diet anymore, and I just feel numb. Everything is wrong, and I can’t do shit about it. 

Be friends with him...what a slap in the face. It was good advice don’t get me wrong, but...the idea of it makes me sick to my stomach. Again I’m ushered to the side lines, left behind for someone else. At this point I should just fall into my old habits, drown myself in practice, school, and sex until I can’t think anymore. Make me numb to the world because any time I’ve tried to be vulnerable with someone it’s been shoved right back in my face. 

Objectively speaking there’s no reason that he rejected me, or anyone for that matter. I’m attractive, pretty well off, full ride scholarship, fraternity president, an incredible football career with an invite to a professional team once I graduate. It’s all there, I’ve checked every goddamn box there is and he still doesn’t want me. Why not...why not Shou? Just thinking about it now is hurting me. I think Akaashi helped the other week a little, but I still feel like shit. I don’t even have the guts to talk to Shou. The way he looked at me when he ran towards me calling my name. The sadness in his eyes, his hands were shaking as he talked to me. How could I pressure him more, he’d shatter to pieces right in front of me. 

He thought I wouldn’t notice him reaching out to me as I left. I did...and I wanted more than anything to turn around and crush him in my arms. I want to help him, make him shine, make him smile like I remember, but...I guess I’m not the one to do it. He won’t even be my friend, so what’s the point. I’ll just drown myself in work, fall until I can’t think anymore and then maybe I’ll finally forget that sunshine smile, his tan skin, and those beautiful eyes. I’ll forget it all.

I couldn’t sleep and sat up in bed. My eyes drifted over to Samu snoring on his bed and sighed as I stared at the clock. 2 in the morning...so only 3 hours of sleep. Shit. I just sighed quietly as I got up. I grabbed my gym bag and headed out of the room quietly as possible. I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep so there really wasn’t any point in me wasting my time ruminating about my patheticness. So I made the short walk to the gym and set into my routine. It’s easy to lose track of time here, and to let everything else fade away. I can just focus on the next rep, push harder, go faster. I enjoy the burn in my muscles as everything else fades away. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Osamu said and I didn’t stop on the treadmill as he walked towards me. “It’s 4 in the fucking morning,” he said to me and I shrugged. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” I haven’t slept well for weeks, and he knows that even if he feigns innocence. 

“Ya have to sleep, you can’t play like this,” Osamu said to me, and he was using his ‘listen to me you dumbass’ voice that I fucking hated. 

“I’ve been playing better than ever, so unless we start losing I don’t think there’s a problem,” I lurched forward as Osamu turned off the treadmill. I quickly turned to glare at him. “What the fuck Samu!” 

“You’re banned from the gym until practice,” he said plainly and I just rolled my eyes. 

“We ain’t kids anymore Samu, ya can’t tell me what to do,” I said angrily as I got off and used my towel to wipe the sweat off my forehead. 

“Someone has to try,” he said as he followed me around. “I know the janitor and I will have him cut the breaker to this room if you keep trying to work out,” he said and I reared towards him, I was angry now so I got right up in his face. 

“What the fuck do ya want from me Samu? Tell me so I can get on with my fucking day,” I said to him and he didn’t back off as I glared at him. 

“I want ya to take a break. You don’t even go to classes anymore, I know you’re not here for school anyways, but you could at least attempt to make an effort in your classes. If your GPA-.”

“It’s 4AM I don’t want a fucking lecture Samu,” I said waving him off, feeling more annoyed than confrontational now. “I’ll go to my classes, happy,” I grabbed my things and walked out of the gym, but of course this asshole was still following me. 

“Not really if I’m being honest,” he said and I wanted to slam my head on the wall. 

“Then  _ what _ Samu, what do ya want from me? Ya want me to just go back to pretending like I’m perfect? I’m tired of the fucking perfect persona. I’m tired of all this shit. I’ve got a national championship to win and then I’m getting out of this shit hole. I’ll go to a professional team where I’m paid to work myself to death,” I said to him angrily as I pushed past him and went outside. 

“Everyone is worried about you Atsumu. You’ve been more pissed off lately. You scared the poor first years to death at practice the other day,” he said and I rolled my eyes. 

“If they can’t understand my plays then they shouldn’t be on a D-1 team. Go to some community college and have fun on a rec team. I’m here to win,” I was getting a headache, and I didn’t get to cool down so my muscles ached. 

“Atsumu, stop walking away from me,” he said and I sighed as I turned to look at him. “I think you should take some time off from practice,” he said and I balked at him. 

“We have a fucking game this Friday moron! And Homecoming is next weekend. You really think now is the time for me to take time off?!” I basically yelled at him outside. I don’t care who heard me anymore, let the whole world hear me for all I fucking care. 

Even I knew my outburst was too much, but I was beyond caring. “I talked it over with coach and Kita and they both think you should be away from practice until practice on Thursday,” he said and I just stared at him. 

“Are you fucked? I’ve never taken a day off from practice in my goddamn life. Not even when I had pneumonia,” I said to him and he pinched the bridge of his nose angrily. 

“This isn’t a suggestion. This is an order, if you don’t get your act together then Eita can take over for you on the game this weekend,” he said to me and my eyes widened. 

“What is your fucking problem Samu? Ya want me to cry in front of you or something, do you get some sick satisfaction from watching me beg? What the fuck?” I asked, my mind was blank. 

Skipping practice is a foreign concept to me. Work ethic was one of the only things drilled into me by my deadbeat Dad. It’s all I had. I wasn’t a genius or gifted at the sport. I work hard for my position, every goddamn day. Taking a day off is akin to me tripping over a hurdle on my way to the top, taking a week off sounds like death. I hate this, I hate this all so much. All because I tried to take something that wasn’t just given me. All because I wanted to fight for something for once in my fucking life. Not fair...not fair at all. 

“Atsumu you know that’s not what I meant. Your lack of composure is a liability to the team’s success and-.”

“Fine, fuck it. Piss off,” I said flipping him off and walking away. 

Lack of composure, man...is it that bad? Of course he had to bring up Kita, an effective trump card to shut me up, damn bastard. Talking to the coach behind my back, a real fucking bastard.  _ He does care _ . Shut up, _ I _ don’t care. I don’t care about anything and I didn’t bother to turn around as he continually called for me. I wanted to be anywhere but here, anywhere but our shared room. I needed to be somewhere that would warrant me some peace and solace from the continual buzz of insecurities flowing through my mind right now. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, knowing it was Samu by the custom vibrate setting I had for him. I fervently ignored it and instead typed in a number I hadn’t for a while.

She answered quickly, and neither of us really talked before I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. Is this shitty, probably. Should I be doing this, objectively no, but I was beyond reason anymore. Damn my morals, damn my better set of judgment. I just want to get off, and drink tequila. I’m a young man, this should be expected, I just imagined I’d go on a bender for a less pathetic reason. 

“Atsumu, yes right there!” Yui yelled as I pushed in. 

She was one of the groupies who always followed me around, ready for a quick fuck at my convenience. It felt easy, simple even to drown myself in some pleasure for the time being. The couple shots of tequila I bought at the liquor store immensely helped in this situation as Yui was annoyingly loud in bed. I felt her nails digging into my shoulder blades, but I didn’t care as I kept going. Mark me up, make me feel something other than numbness. I’ll take it, whatever I can get. 

“Do you feel good?” Yui asked, and I felt her hot breath on my neck. 

What a strange question….I honestly wasn’t sure if I could even get off like this, but I just kept going. “Yeah feels great,” I lied through my teeth as I picked her up and slammed in harder. 

It was becoming apparent as we kept going that I wasn’t getting off. So before she could back out I closed my eyes as I held her small form to myself. I imagined tan skin adorned with freckles, a toned body, and beautiful orange hair. I felt myself nearing my climax as I imagined him clinging to me. Both of us sweaty and tired, but enveloped in a perfect bliss. I came hard and I heard her say something, but I was lost in my fantasy as I panted staring blankly at the headboard behind us. I pulled out and turned away from her. I discarded the spent condom and grabbed my clothes. She didn’t even bother to ask me to stay because we both knew I wasn’t going to. I felt like an asshole, but...she didn’t complain as I left the room. 

I’d never left a one night stand feeling as disgusting as I did now. Plus to make matters worse it’s fucking noon. I’ve been up for 10 hours, I yelled at my brother, got tipsy, had sex with a girl, and got banned from practice. Plus I missed my morning class, not that I care too much. It’s the one I share with Shou and that class makes me want to vomit every time I walk in. Even sitting in the back as far away as I can get, surrounded by all my fake friends who like me for my popularity and looks, none of it quells the raw tension in the air. It feels like someone is suffocating me from the inside and I hate it. I hate it all. 

So what do you do in a self pitying situation like this on a Monday morning? You sit and drink some more on a bench in the middle of the quad. How  _ pathetic _ , if a news camera caught me I’d probably lose my sterling reputation as this squeaky clean goody two shoes the NFL has deemed me as. None of it’s true, I’m a sad  _ pathetic  _ nerd and no amount of effort I put in will change that. Maybe I should just take an offer, championship be damned I want to be teleported far away from here. I want to run until I can’t see anything anymore. 

“Atsumu?” Someone asked and my head lolled to the side to see someone with black curly hair and a face mask walking towards me. 

“Omi, what’s happening?” I said trying to sound normal, but the narrowing of his eyes told me that my words were slurred and slow. 

“Are you drunk in the middle of the day?” He asked me inquisitively, but it was mostly disgust I was feeling from him. Like as if he was saying ‘what a fucking loser’. 

“Would ya believe me if I said no?” I asked him and he scoffed as he pulled his phone out. “What are ya doin’?” I asked him quickly. 

“Calling your brother,” he said and I quickly reached out grabbing the phone. “What the fuck is your problem?!” He yelled at me. 

“Don’t, he’ll just yell at me more. I...they won’t let me play if they see me like this,” I said to him desperately, that thought sobered me up almost immediately as I broke out in a cold sweat. Panic, anxiety all flooded through me. These things I kept locked away for so long are leaking out and I can’t bail out the sinking ship that is my sanity. 

He pulled his hand away with force as he squinted at me. “What the fuck Atsumu? Do you know how worried Osamu has been about you for weeks now? He tries to look out for you, and tries to give you a well deserved break and here you are drunk in the middle of campus on a Monday. Is that you how you repay his kindness? You’re  _ pathetic _ ,” he basically hissed at me with the sharpness of his anger. 

_ Pathetic _ ...wow...I don’t think anyone has ever called me that to my face. 

“I think pathetic is a perfect way to put it,” I said quietly as I tipped back the last of the pint of tequila and threw it perfectly into the trash. “I’m glad that Samu found someone great like you Omi. You really did luck out, he is the better twin after all. That’s what everyone tells me at least,” I said with a melancholic tone as I stood up and patted him on the shoulder. 

He seemed momentarily stunned by my response. “Where are you going?” He asked me and I waved him off. 

“Don’t worry about it. Just tell Samu I’m taking a break. Just like he said I should” I said with a tight smile as I waved lazily at him and walked to the house. 

I didn’t even think as I walked back to my room, packed a bag, and waited at the bus terminal with my ticket in hand. The ride was short, only about 6 hours on a greyhound to my Ma’s house. Because of my rigorous training schedule, and the national championships always taking place over winter break I haven’t been home since I graduated high school. Almost 4 years doesn’t feel that long until you’re forced to think about it on a cramped bus that had broken A/C. The whole way I just stared out the window thinking about those words. Pathetic kept repeating in my mind like a cruel joke. Pathetic...yeah...he might be right. Lack of composure sounds nicer, but...pathetic is the correct statement. 

I was amazed that I was still slightly buzzed as I exited the bus and walked to my house, which would take over an hour and a half, but I knew the way. I let the warm breeze guide me, and stopped by the field where I spent most of my youth at. I passed my old high school where some of my old awards still hung up on the wall. I passed the corner market where Samu, Kita, Aran, and I would get snacks after practice. It felt weird being back, like I was transported out of the bubble I had been living in for so long, exposed to the real world for once. 

The whole time I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket, the number of text and calls only grew as the day went on, but I needed this. I needed a break from it all...maybe Samu wasn’t too far off forcing me to take a break. I don’t know what it will achieve, but I should try. I think being called pathetic opened my eyes to something, a deep rooted insecurity laid bare for everyone to see for the first time in my life. But what’s more is the immense pain I felt when he said it, the extreme helplessness, the realization of my lack of composure. That’s the one thing I’ve never wanted to be... _ pathetic _ . 

I knocked on the door, I knew my Mom was home, her car was in the driveway, but there was no answer. So I did what I usually would do when I snuck out at night. I hoped over the white picket fence, and walked to the back of the house, jostling the old window to the kitchen and throwing my bag in first then I hoisted myself up and I was half way in when I saw my Mom with a frying pain raised to strike in the middle of the kitchen. It fell to the ground with a deafening clank as she stared at me wide eyed. 

“Atsumu?” She said suddenly and I wrenched my hand free from the now too tight window I was jamming myself through. 

“Hey Ma,” I said and she rubbed her head in frustration, but both of us were smiling. This isn’t the first time she’s found me like this, but it seemed a lot more ridiculous now than it did in my youth. 

“Get the fuck out of the window and come through the door like a proper human,” she said and I nodded quickly as I pushed out of the door and she opened the back sliding door and enveloped me in a hug. “I’ve missed you Tsumu,” she said affectionately. 

The nickname stung a little for  _ certain _ reasons, but I smiled as I kissed her cheek. “Your son is home, and he requests a home cooked meal,” I said to her and she squinted her eyes at me as she analyzed my every feature for a minute. 

“Are ya drunk?” She asked me as her eyes seemed to narrow even further, which sent chills down my spine. 

“I am of age, and tipsy is a better word for it,” I said to her and she sighed as she rubbed her forehead. 

“Go shower and put your things away. I’ll see what I can scrounge up you rascal,” she said and both of us seemed surprised as she now had to reach to ruffle my hair. I leaned over to give her better access which really didn’t help as she gently pushed me inside and towards my room. 

The shower felt nice in the small bathroom Osamu and I had shared growing up. Funny enough the 2 in 1 strawberry shampoo I always insisted on using in high school was still here so I used it for old times sake. I hadn’t realized how gross I was from this morning’s escapade, and was glad that the scalding water could wash away both my post exercise and other fluids on my body from this morning’s embarrassment. I scrubbed until my body was pink, and I felt somewhat better. I still felt  _ pathetic _ though...the word stung even saying it in my mind. I felt like tattooing it on my forehead, bearing the shame I felt these past couple weeks. Because it’s the perfect way to describe me going after Shou, fucking  _ pathetic. _

After drying off and changing into some comfier clothes I could hear someone yelling from a phone. I walked out and saw Ma cooking in the kitchen as her phone was laid on the counter, speaker on. Osamu was on the other end just yelling incessantly, more enraged than I’ve heard him in a long time. 

“This FUCKING IDIOT! I swear to god Ma! He just up and leaves after telling Omi something so fucking cryptic like that! The fuck is his problem! I thought the guy was gonna kill himself! Then I call you and find out he’s back in fucking GEORGIA HE DIDN’T TELL ANYONE  _ THAT ASSHOLE _ !” He yelled through the phone and Mom shot me a look as she continued cooking and I moved around her as I grabbed some ice tea from the fridge. 

“Well I’m sure he has a good reason for coming here,” another pointed look that I chose to ignore. “I don’t condone skipping school, but ya did insist he take time off,” she said and I could almost hear Osamu imploding on the other end of the line. 

“Tell that bastard to fucking answer my texts  _ immediately _ ,” Osamu said viciously and both Ma and I had to cover our mouths for fear of laughing and setting off Osamu any more than he already was. 

“I will son, now go to practice. Also don’t think I let it slip past me, I’d like to meet this ‘Omi’ sometime alright,” she said pointedly and the line quieted and I could barely contain my laughter as we both imagined Osamu thinking of anything to get him out of this situation. 

“Sakusa is just my friend,” Osamu said and I laughed outwardly. “Do you have me on speaker?! That bastard! You fucking heard everything you rat! I’ve got words for-.”

“Osamu Miya,” Mom said and both of us quieted at her tone. “Let me talk to him first and get him some food, then you can say whatever you want to him later alright,” she said, but her tone left no room for argument. 

“Sorry Ma,” he said quietly. 

“Send me pictures of Omi or I’ll have Atsumu tell me everything about him,” she said in a sing-song voice. 

“No! I’ll send them, please anything but that!” Osamu said and both of us laughed louder. 

“Fine honey, have a good night. I’ll see you next week,” she said with a warm smile. 

“Thanks Ma, see you then. You better call me rat,” he said to me and I chuckled. 

“Will do Samu,” I said and he ended the call. 

“So...Osamu has a boyfriend,” she said contemplatively as she continued cooking up some grits from the looks of it. 

“Yeah, head over heels for the guy. They’ve been together since the summer,” I said to her and she nodded. 

“You’re not off the hook either,” she said and I stiffened. “You came here for a reason. So what is it?” She asked me simply, she always knows to talk calmly to me. Mostly cuz she knows I’ll run if given the opportunity. I’m always running away from my problems. 

“I...don’t know,” I said quietly. “I had a reason, but...now I dunno,” I said lamely and she sighed. 

“Believe me Osamu has been giving me vague updates about you since  _ someone doesn’t call me ever _ ,” she said pinching my ear for good measure. “So start from the beginning. Is it school, football, friends, or love?” She asked me and I sighed as I leaned against the counter, absentmindedly mixing my tea with the straw for a while as I thought. 

“I just…” I started, but the words screamed  _ pathetic _ as I thought them in my mind. So  _ pathetic _ , that’s me. “I don’t want people to think I’m  _ pathetic _ ,” I said plainly. Because that was the root of the problem, at least the one at hand. Being rejected makes me pathetic, being sad about it means I’m pathetic, Omi called me pathetic to my face because that’s what I am. 

“Well you’re not. You should know that as a guy you’re allowed to feel things. One slip up isn’t going to end your life. You’ve always been quite the drama queen Atsumu,” she said and I just stared at her. “So start from the beginning, let’s talk this through,” she said as she motioned for me to continue. 

“It started last year...when I met...or I guess not met, but re-met him for the first time,” I said to her and she nodded calmly, motioning for me to keep going. “I...I’ve been with lots of people, but I’d never felt something so strong about another person. So I kept my distance, but looked for him everywhere I could. I even snuck to one of his marathons to watch him because I felt just so...so…” I struggled to find the words. 

“Head over heels,” she said, mimicking the way I said it about Osamu earlier. 

“Sure,” I said unamused. “But...then I finally decided at the party before school started that I’d get the nerve to actually ask him for his number. So I did and...it did not turn out as I planned. I ended up making a massive fool of myself in front of a ton of people, the pictures of my shame spread around campus, and to make it worse I didn’t even get his number,” I said and she stifled a chuckle, but motioned for me to keep going in an attempt to be supportive. “So then I tried to be bold because in the course of my 22 years of existence no one has ever turned me down. So I sat next to him in class, tried to talk to him, anything, but...he blew up at me one day. Then he rejected me and…” my throat felt dry thinking about it again. 

“Oh sweetie,” she said and I felt her hand on my cheek as she tried to give me reassurance. “I think I get it,” she said quietly and I was so thankful she didn’t ask me to explain more. 

“I just...I’ve never felt so much pain from something like this before. I just...I don’t know. It’s neither of our faults, his friends told me he has a bad dating history. So...where does that leave me. Even the thought of being friends with him sounds painful. So in my sadness I started to just feel pathetic. I tried throwing myself into practice, but...even that was not doing anything. I just...I don’t know. After a particularly shameful bender this morning I decided to get on a bus and come here. I ran away from my problems again, and I don’t know what to do,” I said to her weakly and she patted my back as I leaned on the counter just staring at my ice tea as it melted. 

“Well let’s first get you some food, and we’ll work from there, alright,” she said and I nodded quietly as she led me to the table and set down some shrimp and grits in front of me. She sat next to me and quietly waited for me as I slowly ate. This was the best thing I’ve eaten in years, and it felt nice being home. 

“This is really good, thanks Ma,” I said quietly as I finished eating the food, thankfully she didn’t interrogate me while I was eating. 

“You’re welcome sweetie,” she pinched my cheek like she did when we were younger, and I found myself smiling. “Now tell me about this Omi character,” she said redirecting the conversation to something that wouldn’t hurt me further. She always knows how to get me through this, and she’s someone I trust more than everyone in the world other than Samu probably. 

So we talked for a while, filling in the gaps of the time we both missed. She told me about her promotion at work, and I told her about my team, and the contracts I’ve been offered when I graduate in the spring. She told me about a guy she was seeing and I felt actually happy for her. I felt in some ways that I was holding her back after Dad left since Samu and I were so busy with sports all the time. But she seems happier now, and that’s all I can ask for. 

“I think I’ve figured it out,” Mom said and I turned towards her. 

“Huh?” I asked since we had been sitting on the couch watching some cringey rom com she wanted to watch for the past couple hours in what I thought was peaceful silence. Not her brainstorming how to get me the man of my dreams. 

“Why don’t you try to just get to know him. I mean what do you really know about him?” She asked me and I turned away. 

Not much, but saying that out loud sounds fucking lame. “You’re not the first to say that,” I said with a loud sigh and she smiled. 

“Then you’ve got some good friends at least. I was worried my little Tsumu was too scared to make friends with others like when he was little,” she said pinching my cheek, but this time I pushed her hand away. 

“I have friends Ma!” I said and she chuckled. 

“I know, I know,” she said as she waved me off and I sighed as I leaned back resting my head on the back of the couch. “But son, he isn't even your first crush. Why is this different from Kita?” She said and I grimaced even thinking about that. 

“Don’t,” I said painfully as I rubbed my eyes trying to mentally rub the cringe from the dark recesses of my mind. 

“You got over him, you were in a slump for a while, but how did you move on from that?” She asked, and I knew she was guiding me towards the answer I needed, but I didn’t like it. 

“I moved on from it because he was happier with Aran than with me. They completed each other,” I said bitterly. Just because I was over it doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt. 

“Right, and maybe this just isn’t the right time for you two. Maybe this guy you like will realize later in like that you’re the one for him. But now isn’t the time,” she said and I felt like I was boring holes into the ceiling. 

“I just...I want something real. Not a relationship just for popularity, or my image. Not just to be with someone for one night and move on. I want someone I care about, someone to share everything with, and more. I just really thought that was him,” I said lamely. 

_ Pathetic _

I hated that my inner monologue comes out to punch me when I least expect it. “You will find that person Atsumu. You’re a great guy, and I know I raised a gentleman,” she said and I huffed. I wonder if she knows I have a reputation for a rotten personality. Probably not if she’s saying something like that. 

I felt my phone ring in my pocket and everything was starting to tick me off now. What a shitty fucking day. So I didn’t even look at the caller ID and answered the phone putting it to my ear. “Stop fucking calling me Samu!” I said angrily. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I heard a voice say and I think I felt my soul leave my body. 

Why would  _ you  _ call me now? Why?  _ How in the hell did you get my number _ ?

“Shou?” I was confused and my Mom raised her eyebrow at me, but I waved her off as I stood up and walked out back in an attempt to hide the redness rising on my cheeks. 

“Yeah...I just. I heard from Omi you disappeared earlier today and...I wanted to check in,” he said and I was so fucking confused. 

“Really? Why? I was pretty sure I got your message loud and clear Sh-...Hinata,” I said angry at myself for easily slipping back into the nickname. A bad habit. 

“No, I know...it’s just. That wasn’t a great day for me for...a lot of reasons,” again vague answers from him. But...Mom was right I really don’t know anything about him. “I just felt really bad about how everything went down with us. Thinking back on it I acted poorly,” he said and I could not handle being turned down  _ again _ . 

“It’s fine Hinata, we-.”

“You can call me Shou,” he said quietly as he interrupted me. 

_ Why is he sending me so many mixed signals? _

“Fine...Shou,” I said settling back into the nickname. “As I was saying, don’t worry about it. It’s not like this is either of our faults. I just...I dunno. Thought maybe we could try, but if you’re not down for that, it’s fine. You’ve got a lot on your plate, and this is my last chance at nationals. So it’s fine, I should have realized sooner that it wasn’t possible,” I said. 

The words hurt to say, but they had to be said. It was my turn to reject him, for his sake. He seems like the earnest type, the one to take on all the suffering for both parties. I can’t do that to him if I ever want him to smile like he did back then. So I’ll swallow my patheticness and my sadness and tough it out like a big boy. Plus it’s only one more semester and I’ll probably never see him again anyways. 

“You know...you’re a lot nicer than everyone says you are,” he said and I felt my breath catch in my throat. “I...I’ll be at the game on Friday. I look forward to seeing you, maybe we can talk after,” he said and I widened my eyes. 

I felt like a man running in a desert who finally saw some semblance of water in the distance. I wasn’t letting go of this opportunity. “I’d like that, I’d like it a lot,” I said to him and I could almost feel him sigh in relief. 

“Great...I’ll see you then okay. You can also borrow my notes for class when you get back if you want,” this is too fucking good to be true. I can see his notes, his cute handwriting, and the way he puts bubbles above his eyes, I need to stop before my mind explodes. 

“Yeah that’d be great,” I said breathlessly. 

“Great, and don’t worry I signed your name on attendance today,” he said before hanging up the phone. 

“Oh you got it bad,” my Mom said and I almost jumped out of my skin as I saw her peering at me from the door. 

“I walked out here for privacy Ma!” I yelled and she ushered me back in as I tried to hide my blushing face with my hands. 

“And this is my damn house, so I can overhear any conversation I please. So he’s coming to your game on Friday! I got it! I’ll take you to get your hair done tomorrow so you can sweep him off his feet,” she said and I groaned loudly at the prospect. 

But I felt...really happy. The pathetic image of myself was fading, and I felt confident. Because even though he seemed so against it, he gave me a hint from so far away. Like he’s locked in a cage and I saw him waving at me through a thicket of thorns. I’ll rescue him, make him mine. With my confidence restored Ma and I went to brainstorming what we’d do next. 

This break...felt really nice. I didn’t want to admit it, but...I was enjoying myself for once. Ma brought me to the hairdresser and the ladies had fun fixing me up, and I was surprised to see that after some skillful dyeing, and a needed haircut I was looking 100 times better. Ma and I went clothes shopping when she came home from work because, and I quote, “the suit you wore at that interview the other day made me want to disown you”. So we found a nice suit and a few other things which I attempted to pay for, but she would have none of it. 

I even went and visited my old coaches from high school and it was nice to catch up. It kind of reminded me how long it’s been since I came here since I didn’t recognize a single one of the kids on the field. They sure remembered me, and I was happy to take a couple pictures and throw a ball...or two...or 50. As the kids began their stretches my old coach Kurosu turned towards me with a questioning look. 

“You’re not one to ever take a break, but yet you’re here right before the first game of the championship season,” he said to me and I just stared ahead as I watched the kids running back and forth on the field. 

“Yeah...I was forced to more than anything,” I said to him and he just smiled as he rubbed my shoulder. 

“Figured as much, I was so proud that not 3, but 4 of my boys got into a D-1 school. Plus national title holders for 3 years now. You’ve done incredible work my boy,” he said and I smiled as I nodded. 

“Thank you sir that means a lot,” I bowed in respect to him, but he just laughed. 

“My, you sure have grown up,” he said and I felt that compliment hit somewhere deep inside me. A recess of my emotions that I shut off long ago, but...it feels nice.

“I suppose,” I said as I stood up and we watched the kids for a while. “Any advice for my game tomorrow?” I asked him after a little while and he cocked his eyebrow at me. 

“You want advice, my…” he trailed off as he thought and then he smiled as he turned fully towards me. “Don’t get so in your head. It’s not an Atsumu show, it’s your team. Believe me I’ve seen your team and you’ve all got incredible talent. So use it,” he said with a final nod as he turned back towards his team and I stood there taking it in. 

It’s simple advice, honestly I should be stupid for not thinking about it before. But...I am now, and he’s completely right. I thought about it the whole way home, and an idea came to mind. So as I flopped down on the couch I called Samu. He answered surprisingly fast, but then I remembered why as he immediately began yelling at me. 

“You fucking idiot! I told you to call me  _ immediatley _ not fucking days later!” He yelled. 

“Yeah sure, sorry, but I have an idea for the game tomorrow,” I said brushing him off. 

“Don’t just brush me off you dumb-.”

“A pinpoint throw, like Kageyama does,” I said to him and he was quiet on the other end of the line. “So accurate it passes cleanly through the defense to my target.  _ I can do it _ , and we should try,” I said to him and he breathed in deep.

“There’s no guarantee you can do that, and if it doesn’t work that is an incredible risk,” he said and I didn’t feel annoyed like I usually do, or angry, I felt...determined. 

“I can..with you I can,” I said to him. 

He took a deep breath, “fine sure, try it, but when it fails and we lose out on the championship ring I’ll kill you,” he said and I shrugged him off. 

“We’ll win...I know we will,” I said to him and he sighed loudly. 

“You’re not off the hook either, getting drunk on campus, disappearing without a trace, missing school, you’re going to give me an aneurysm you fucking-.”

“I’m sorry.”

“.... _ huh _ ?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put ya through that it’s my fault,” I said and he was dead silent on the other end of the line. 

“What happened? I don’t think you’ve ever actually apologized to me before,” he said to me and I sighed as I tried to think what the tipping point was. 

“Leaving the bubble helped, but...I think when Hinata rejected me it opened some things I’ve kept locked away for a long time. I guess I didn’t see how pathetic I’ve been for a while now, but that comes from my annoying self confidence, right Samu?” I said in an attempt at a joke. 

“Omi wanted to apologize to you, he didn’t realize calling you pathetic would send ya spiraling,” he said to me and I shrugged. 

“It’s fine I ain’t mad,” I never was. “But the point is, I’m gonna change, things will be different,” I said more to myself than him, but this works. 

“Alright, that’s great. Well get yur ass back here, alright,” he said and I smiled. 

“Sure thing Samu,” I smiled slightly at his awkwardness. 

The line ended and I took a deep breath as I sat up. I can’t back out now, I called my mom to tell her I was going back to uni and she seemed happy and told me good luck. Getting on the bus was easy, and I wasn’t crying this time so the bus ride wasn’t as bad as before. Yet as I got off the bus at the university I realized I didn’t have long before practice. So I sprinted to my house and changed into my workout gear. I managed to make it to the field just on time and everyone turned to look at me as I ran up to them slightly out of breath. 

I wasn’t too sure if I was able to rejoin practice. Samu had said that I might be able to come back to practice Thursday night, but looking over at Kita and Akaashi who regarded me quietly as I stood there I felt like I had to say something. So I stood up pushing my hair back and thinking about this. 

“I’m sorry for my recent behavior, and my break. I’m back, and I want to work hard to get us the win tomorrow,” I said to them. 

Coach walked over to me, clapping his hand very strongly on my shoulder. “Good to hear, now stretch, and do double since you’ve been out a few days.”

“On it,” I said, but the gears were turning in my head, and I gave Samu a look. Thank god for twin telepathy as he just sighed, but smiled as he and I joined the others for our pre practice workout. 

“What’s got you smiling?” He asked me. 

“I just...want to play well. I have someone to impress tomorrow.”

I looked over and I didn’t know what to make of his face. He seemed...a little worried. Almost guilty about something. But what could it be? We made up, I told him I’m not mad at Omi, and I wanted to try a new play with him. So I’m not sure what could make him look like that. I turned to ask, but he ran off away from me. 

Weird. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What has Osamu been planning? Next time we'll finally have some relationship development as Hinata goes to Atsumu's game as he promised, and...lots of things happen.  
> Also the Miya's swear a lot, I'm not sure why, but I just think that they definitely would as a family.
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	9. Hinata POV: The Move that Doesn't Belong to Me Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata struggles with his emotions, does he take a leap of faith, or keep to himself? After seeing a miracle play at Friday night's game everything changes. And with it there are consequences. Letting go is a lot harder than you'd think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a bit, but I'm back. I struggled a lot with what I wanted this chapter to be, and it ended up being really long. There is some talk of football playing in this, but I DO NOT play football. I did the best I could, but...sorry if it sucks lol. Also tonight we hit 1000 HITS ON THIS STORY OMG wow ya'll gonna make me cry. Thank you for sticking around for the story, and believe me we've still got a ways to go.

When I hung up the phone after I called Atsumu I looked in the mirror and saw that my face was a bright red. I felt that familiar tug in my chest, and my heart was beating fast. I can’t be in love...I refuse to be. I shouldn’t have agreed to do this, why am I doing this. Even if I somehow manage to move past everything I know and fall for him within the week it’s all under false pretenses. Who wants to build a relationship on lies? 

I hate that I even was thinking about this in the first place. It’s one week, and then we get a ton of help for the cultural festival that’s part of Homecoming weekend. Plus I get him off my back for a while, and our star quarterback plays well during his game. I’m doing this for the good of everyone, not anything else. Absolutely nothing else...no way. 

“If you keep hitting the keyboard like that you’re going to break it,” I almost jumped out of my skin as I clutched my chest and turned around to see Oikawa smiling at me. 

“What the hell Oikawa?” I collected myself and he just smiled as he sat on the desk and looked at me. 

“You’ve been in here for almost 8 hours now I thought I’d check on you to make sure you aren’t dead,” I just rolled my eyes as I turned back to my work. 

“It’s a 24 library, and I can do what I please,” He just scoffed as he pulled something out of his bag and set down a sandwich and some chips in front of me. “I thought we couldn't have food in the library,” I said to him. 

“Well the student manager is allowing it,” he said to me with a pointed look. 

“Fine,” I said as I took the sandwich and took a couple bites. 

“So...lover boy disappeared yesterday,” he said and I didn’t bother with a response. “Do you know where he is?” He asked me and I rolled my eyes. He didn’t even bother saying a name, even though it was obvious who he meant. 

“How would I know,” I said to him and he smirked. 

“Come on, drop the act. Playing hard to get doesn’t suit you,” he said to me and he was making me mad. 

“You really don’t know me then,” I said to him pointedly and he scoffed. 

“My my, did I strike a nerve Shorty?” He had that smug look on his face, he always talks to me like I’m a little kid. It’s normal Oikawa behavior, but I’m sleep deprived and drowning in work. 

“Yes you did, I’m tired and annoyed now.”

“But well fed,” he said pointing to the food and I sighed. 

“What do you want? You obviously came here for something,” I said to him and he tilted his head to the side as he watched me take a few bites. 

“Is that how you assume people treat you? Not everyone only talks to you for a transactional purpose. Is it that hard to believe that I’m just here because I’m worried?” He asked me and I bit down on the sandwich as I stared ahead at the computer screen. 

“Yeah...it is.” The look he gave me was fleeting, but it’s the one I hate the most, it was pity. 

“You know...they have therapists on campus. I go to one too, it’s a lot more common than you think. And I think you should talk to someone,” he said to me. 

He’s not the first person to say that, “I’ll look into it,” I said and he rolled his eyes. 

“Alright I get when I’m not wanted,” he hopped off the desk and put a hand on my shoulder. “Go home and get some rest Shorty,” he said and I didn’t bother to say anything else as he left. 

I don’t know, maybe I am being stubborn, maybe I am a little rude. But I’m beyond caring, I’ll do anything to get me to the next hurdle, whatever I need to keep running forward. Because if I keep running I can finally escape that dark looming mountain behind me, one day. I finished my food and sighed as I stared ahead for a moment before gathering my things and leaving the library. I passed by a smirking Oikawa on the way out. I’ll text him later to thank him for the sandwich. 

That’s how days went, with me being in a pissy mood, but the mounting anxiety gathered at the base of my neck in a dead chill. Not only was I going to have to ask Atsumu out on a date, but...I’d have to actually watch the game. The idea of that made me sick to my stomach. All of that old passion, and drive I used to have were all tainted by painful memories. Like remembering a food from your childhood, but now putting it to your lips makes you want to vomit. 

I sometimes wonder if I still would have kept fighting, and joined a collegiate team. Or stayed on a team with  _ him _ . Would my life be different? Would I still have all these friends, or be the student body president? Would I find fulfillment? Would that finally make me happy? I’m not sure, and it’s the uncertainty that makes me sick. I wonder if there is something that will make me happy. I have goals right now, and in the college circuit I’m second to none, but things like star of the track team, student body president, beer pong champion are all useless things on their own. Even my major is just a stand in so I can be at this university. So what’s next, what will I have in 2 years when I’m done here? What do I fight for?

I walked into the dorm and looked down to see someone had cleaned my side of the room. I looked over and Kenma was deep into a game so I didn’t bother him as I laid down in bed and closed my eyes, not even bothering to get under the blanket. I was tired, my body heavy. Lord knows I’m depressed, I can feel it heavy on my skin. I don’t need Oikawa to tell me to go to a therapist. It’s painfully obvious I need help, but...in a lot of ways it feels like admitting defeat. If I lose my sense of pride I have nothing left. Maybe that makes me dumb, but...I have to hold onto what I have. 

Days passed slowly and painful leading up to Friday night. Atsumu still wasn’t back till Thursday night, Bokuto had let slip that he was at practice over lunch in the caf on Friday. At least the phone call worked. I didn’t know what to do as I sat in my room. I should go now to the stadium. To be honest I need to check on some things as the president of the student body, not just to watch the game. But I can’t. My body doesn’t want to move. 

“Aren’t you going to the game?” Kenma asked me suddenly and I turned to look at him. 

“Yeah,” I said quietly. 

“It’s in 30 minutes.”

“Yeah.”

“And it takes 10 minutes to walk there.”

“Yep.”

“So...why are you sitting here?” What am I supposed to say?

“I just...my body doesn’t want to move,” I said to him. “I’ve been really tired, and-.”

“You either don’t want to watch the game, or see Atsumu. So which one is it?” He asked and I hated how everyone seemed to know me without even speaking a word. Although Kenma’s known me longer than anybody, so it’s to be expected. Or am I predictable like that?

“Both….I hate remembering the things I’ve left behind. And what’s more, I hate that...I’m leading Atsumu on for his own sake. Especially when I haven’t figured out my own feelings yet,” I sat up and took in a deep breath as I stared at Kenma. 

He played for a moment longer on his switch then set it down as he thought about it. “What are your feelings? Truthfully, it doesn’t have to leave this room, but it might do you good to get it off your chest,” he said and I nodded as I thought about it. 

“What I feel,” I bit on my nail as I thought, the anxious tick I thought I kicked long ago was coming back with a vengeance. Maybe I should start wearing polish again...but that didn’t go over well last time. “I don’t have a name for it. Mostly because I’m not sure what happened in the past if the feelings I felt with  _ him _ were love. Maybe I don’t know what love is. So I don’t have a name for this feeling. But….whenever I see him I want him to touch me, he’s obviously attractive, so it shouldn’t be that unfamiliar of a feeling to me. But it’s far more than that. There’s something else, it’s a lot stronger, and the feeling scares me,” I said to him and he just nodded quietly as I talked. 

“So what makes you scared?” He asked me and I just stared at him. 

“I don’t know,” I said lamely. I know, of course I do. 

“You sure?” He asked and I just stared at him. 

“Why do you want me to say it?” I asked him, slightly annoyed now. 

“Because it could help you figure out your problem,” he said to me and I went back to biting my nails. 

I know what my problem is. “It’s the fact that...if I take this leap of faith, if I go outside of my comfort zone I’ll get pulled back by these hooks in my skin, and that pain would be far worse than anything else in the world,” I said to him and he didn’t offer any emotions on his face in response. 

“But you don’t know that,” that wasn't the answer I was expecting. 

“Yes I-.”

“No you don’t,” he said firmly. “What that guy did was...awful, unspeakable, and I blame myself for not stepping in sooner,” he said and I felt that familiar guilt in my chest when he said that. “But...he’s one person. Atsumu may have a lot of physical similarities, but he isn’t Kageyama,” he said and I felt that disgust travel up my throat when he said that name. 

_ Kageyama _ ...why did I ever have to meet him?

“Maybe, but...I don’t know anything about Atsumu. I’ll make my decision later,” I said as I stood up and grabbed my bomber jacket. “I’ll be back later, so make sure to eat something while I’m gone,” I said to him and he just watched me with a worried look. 

“Kuroo and Bokuto can take you home if something happens, or you don’t feel comfortable,” he said and I just nodded as I forced a smile and waved as I left the room. 

He’s not wrong, not in the least. I just am too scared, years and years of emotional manipulation can wear you down. My mind was whittled down until all I could think about was football and Kageyama. Four years of that, and then it was all gone in a matter of months. I felt empty, meaningless without my two reasons to live. Not only did I hate losing him, I hated myself for how pathetic I was. 

I was so lost back then, like a dog without a home. And I never want to feel that again, I don’t want to belong to anyone, I want to show that I’m able to fight on my own. That I’m fully capable of being independent. I’ve accomplished much on my own without the need of a “genius quarterback”. I left everything I knew behind to prove that I could be on my own. Independence was everything I wanted, but I felt a genuine sense of loneliness around me. It annoyed me how much I wanted someone to share my accomplishments with, even though it goes against my ideals. 

The fall weather was nice as I walked outside, and cleared my mind from overthinking things too much. I texted a few people earlier, but only Omi got back to me. I need someone to sit with me during the game. I’m pretty sure I’d go insane sitting there by myself. Plus Omi is always rational, and helps me clear my mind. He’s been a great mentor on the track team, plus he’ll definitely be chosen for the next Olympics. I’ve never seen a better pole vaulter than him. 

Joining the crowd headed towards the arena, somehow in a purely narcissistic way I loved that everyone knew who I was. People passed by and waved at me, or stopped to talk to me. I’ve always been a friendly person, Suga said people “orbit” around me like planets and I’m the sun. In a deeply selfish way I love that, I love that I can make people like me. I love that I get this sense of pride walking through the crowd, that even though I’m short, and small, I’m the center of attention. 

“Hinata,” Omi said as he walked up next to me and I turned and smiled brightly at him. 

“Omi! Thanks for coming with me,” I said to him and he nodded. He always wears that face mask, so you often have to just guess what facial expression he’s making. I’m pretty good at it now. 

“I was surprised you wanted to watch,” he said and I looked away so he didn’t notice the pained expression on my face. 

“Yeah, well I have to make an appearance,” It was a lame response, but he nodded as I handed our tickets to the usher and we made our way through. 

“I suppose.”

“What about you, you hate these big events. Is someone here to watch their boyfriend play?” I asked him and he didn’t say anything, but I saw the slight blush from above his face mask. 

“Maybe,” he said and I laughed as we made our way out to the seats closest to the field. 

“Omi you’re too cute,” I said to him and he just grumbled in response. 

I felt tense waiting for the game to start. I haven’t actually sat down to watch a game in years now. I suppose this is a hill I’ll have to cross. Football is the biggest sports industry in the country, it’s not like I can escape it. Especially when almost half of my closest friends are on the team or in professional leagues. But that didn’t quell the tingling under my skin, and my foot was tapping quickly against the pavement as I stared out onto the field. The guys were doing the warm ups on the field, and the cameras were about as well. 

My eyes traveled to Atsumu without even intentionally doing it. If you didn’t know him you’d assume he’s just being a normal, a narcissistic and confident bastard as always, but...that’s not true. There’s something different, a certain hop to his step, a brighter smile, a more confident look. He looked like he let go of whatever was holding him back. It made me mad, how is it that easy for him? Yet, he somehow even looks more attractive like this. Which pisses me off more. 

“So why are you here really,” Omi said to me and I looked at him. 

“I...I originally made a promise, but...I’m not sure anymore,” I said lamely. He didn’t ask anymore about the promise, which I was thankful for. 

“Well for what it’s worth this should be a good game since it’s the first of the season,” he said to me and I nodded. 

I couldn’t help but notice Atsumu kept looking up at us, a sparkle in his eyes, and a pep in his step as he walked on the field. “What?” I asked as Omi kept looking at me. 

“Well...you seem different these past few weeks, I just...wondered what was going on?” he asked me, he was probing for answers. Something a lot of people have been doing lately. Everyone kept me at arms length, just watching me from a distance in case I attempted to jump off a roof or something. But this  _ one time _ I show a slight amount of vulnerability, they pounce on it. Maybe it’s because I rarely show cracks in my facade, and this is the only time they can do something that won’t make me shut them out completely. 

I chewed on my lip as I thought. “I don’t know, both of us have turned each other down now. However both times were done for  _ my _ benefit. Even now I know I’m only baiting him for someone else’s benefit. He might be interested in me, but he deserves someone who is able to give him more,” I said and he tilted his head as he thought. 

“Well...you are fully capable of giving him what he needs. The problem lies with you not wanting to,” Omi said and I felt my face flush a bright red as he turned towards me. 

“What? What-.”

“You have to know that you’re obviously interested in him. It’s painfully noticeable, but you hold yourself back. Is it because you still love  _ him _ ?” He asked me and him just saying that name made my blood chill. 

“No!” I said loudly causing something of a disturbance around us. “No, I don’t. I hate him, but...that doesn’t mean he’ll let me go. How would Atsumu handle knowing what happened? Would I be able to let someone in again? All of these questions run through my mind, but I have no answers,” I said quietly and I could almost barely hear myself above the roar of the crowd. 

“Well...I used to think the same thing in a different way,” He said and I looked at him. “I never thought I could love someone because I hate large crowds, and I hate people touching me. I thought these things would exclude me from relationships, that no one would want to deal with this part of me. But...Osamu did. He didn’t mind that I didn’t want to hold hands, or that it took months before I’d let him kiss me. He doesn’t mind waiting and being patient with me as I get used to proximity and closeness to another person. But he has never complained, and he continually gives me the support I need to make it past this major problem of mine. Because he loves me,” He said to me plainly. 

I used to think I had that. Someone who supported me unconditionally, understood my shortcomings, but knew I still wanted to win on the field. A guy who meant more to me than anything in the world. I feel stupid wanting something like that, I’m successfully independent, and now confident on my own, but is that enough. It’s not like I feel like I need someone to complete me, but I want someone. I...want someone next to me. Not someone supporting me, or carrying me the whole way. Someone who can keep up, and run next to me. 

I didn’t say anything again for the first half of the game as I thought. Finding a breakthrough for my problem has altered my mind set. Plus I couldn’t help but stare at the man of my affection down below. Wait...did I say that,  _ affection _ . Maybe...but oh god, what should I do? I need to calm down, just focus on the field below. Even as the band came on for half time we sat still not talking. 

“Maybe,” I finally said, it wasn’t an answer, nor was it an invitation to continue a conversation, but it was a start. He just nodded quietly as we watched the band below. 

“Interesting, the two people I  _ never _ thought I’d find at this game are here,” Oikawa said as he came over and sat down next to us. 

“Same to you,” Omi said to him with a raised eyebrow and he shrugged. 

“I had to cheer on my handsome lineman,” he said suggestively staring down at Iwaizumi  _ completely ignoring him _ as the rest of the team went down to the locker rooms below the stadium. 

“He’s yours already?” I asked and Oikawa nodded. 

“I work fast, unlike someone who likes to cause drama,” Oikawa said pointedly to me. 

He’s just getting under my skin and I know it. “I am not causing drama,” I said, anger crossed my features as I bored holes into Oikawa’s head who didn’t care in the least. 

“Sure,” He said to me, but sat back. “Either way the team is playing well. This looks like probably the best starting lineup this school’s ever had.”

“I would agree, all of them could make it to top professional teams easily,” I said as we watched the band down below. 

“I suppose this is most of their senior years,” Oikawa said with a nod. “Guess all we can do is watch.”

The second half was excellent, lots of difficult plays made way for our team having a considerable margin against our opponents. However it was the last play of the game. Even though we were destined to win in the last 45 seconds of the game we could make one more touchdown before the end. Atsumu got the ball and he looked through the crowd, and the defensemen who were trying to rush him. It seemed like an impossible play, any normal person would have just tossed the ball to the person next to him and just waited to run out the clock. 

But that’s not Atsumu Miya. It was subtle, but he looked at Osamu waiting in the back. How would he do it? Yet it looked almost like magic as he threw the ball at an incredible pace, cutting completely through all of the defense and landed perfectly in Osamu’s hands. Osamu didn’t waste any time as everyone was momentarily startled and ran for the end zone. I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the play as I shot to my feet. My eyes were wide, and my hands were shaking in front of me. I felt shocked to my very core seeing that play that I haven’t seen in years. 

Because that was  _ my  _ move in high school, the one that Kageyama and I were known for. No one since had been able to replicate it, not even in the professional field. I felt numb, all the color drained from my face, this was more than I thought I could handle. My mind was far away from the loud cheers of the stadium. The team won, but in this stadium the three of us didn’t seem to notice. 

“Hinata,” Omi said loudly and I blinked as I turned towards him. 

“Oh...sorry,” I said quickly and I rubbed my face. I tried shaking off the cold feeling welling up inside of me. 

“Hinata, is everything okay?” Oikawa asked tentatively. 

“Yeah I’m fine, just...it brought up memories,” I said listlessly as I stared down at the field with a mix of remorse, and a certain kind of fondness crossed my features. 

I wasn’t going to waste any more time. I need to talk to him, before this feeling and image vanishes from my mind. “Hinata-.” Omi started to say. 

“I’m gonna go see Atsumu!” I said and before they could stop me I ran off. 

I didn’t stop as I pushed past people, and jumped over barriers flashing my ID badge as I ran down the hallways and into the lower locker rooms. I was out of breath as I made it to the locker room. I slammed my hand on the wall painfully as I caught my breath, stopping almost 5 feet short of my goal.  _ What am I doing? _

He might not even be here, and he might not want to talk to me. I’m not even sure if I want to see him. What’s wrong with me, I-. “Shou?” 

I turned around and my blood went cold as I turned to see a  _ shirtless _ and still  _ dripping wet _ Atsumu Miya staring at me wide eyed. “Oh...uhhh,” I tried to look calm, but honestly I was a mess, red in the face, and panting heavily in this hallway. 

“Are ya alright? How’d you even get down here?” He asked me as he walked towards me. 

I turned quickly and slammed my hands on his shoulders, which startled him. “That move! You did it...but  _ how _ ??” I asked loudly and he stared at me wide eyed. 

His gaze softened as the shock wore off. “I’ve wanted to try it for a while, Samu says that it’s too dangerous, but...I wanted to try it in a professional game for once. Kageyama isn’t the only one who can do it, but I couldn’t do it without trusting Samu completely,” he said to me and I just stared at him. 

I stopped back quickly realizing just how close we were and that my hands were on his _ bare chest _ . He just smirked at me as I regained myself. “I...just no one has been able to do it. I...I’m really happy for you,” I said with a genuine smile. 

It looked like I short circuited his brain for a moment, but he regained composure quickly. “Yeah...thanks, I’m glad you could come today. I uhh...do you mind if I get changed and then we can talk or something. Only if you want to,” he said holding out his hands. 

He was treating me like a wild animal that would run off if he made one wrong move. Which wasn’t...entirely wrong. “Yeah sure, I’ll wait,” I said and he smiled as he awkwardly shuffled off towards the changing room. 

When he left I let my back hit the wall and I slid down onto the ground. What am I doing? I need to tell him the truth, well...I need to tell him a lot of things, but I didn’t want to ruin whatever this easy feeling was between us. Seeing him doing that move, I wondered to myself if I was on the field, and instead of Osamu  _ I  _ was the one Atsumu was throwing the ball to. I was the one running it to the finish line. Would my life be different?

“Shou thanks for-.” Atsumu’s voice dropped off as he looked down at me sitting on the ground. “Um...we don’t have to hang out if-.”

“No!” I jumped to my feet and he was startled at the height I reached. “Just was a little winded,” I said to him lamely and he laughed. 

“The fastest guy on the track team was winded? I highly doubt it,” he said to me and I rolled my eyes. 

He thankfully had a shirt on so I didn’t have to make sure I wasn’t ogling his toned chest while he was talking. “Whatever, but...aren’t you tired? That was a long game and you were on offense for most of it,” I said to him and he just shrugged. 

“Nah, I’ve been looking forward to talking to you all week,” he said with a smile and I gulped.  _ Really? Why? _

“Isn’t there a party tonight?”

“You want to go?” He asked hopefully and I shook my head. 

“No, but I’ve got an idea,” I said as I smiled and he just nodded. 

“Lead the way Shou,” he said as we passed by some of his teammates. 

Bokuto and Kuroo stared wide eyed as we walked out together, but didn’t stop to ask any questions. “How was...home?” I asked awkwardly and he had a strange look in his eyes as he stared ahead. 

“Good, a lot more necessary than I thought it would be. It kind of...made me realize a lot of things I’d been ignoring for a while. A good wake up call I guess,” He said as we made our way out of the stadium. 

“Yeah, sometimes leaving our small world here opens up your eyes to how insignificant your problems are,” I said quietly, but then I held my hands up as I turned towards him. “Not that your problems are insignificant! That’s not what I meant at all!” I said and he laughed lightly. 

“I know Shou,” he said and it felt really good as he absentmindedly rubbed the top of my head. Both of us seemed to realize what was happening and he snapped his hand back quickly, and physically put another foot between us. I tried to hide the disappointment on my face. 

“You didn’t miss much in class, the guy mostly drones on for 45 minutes about different literature,” I said to him and he nodded. 

“What a great conversationalist, talking about school when we finally get a moment alone together,” he gave me a sly smile and I balled my fists as I turned away. 

“Fine! Then what do you want to talk about?” I asked him and he chuckled lightly as he held the door open for me. 

“I don’t know, tell me about ya,” he said and I looked at him. “Ya know, the stupid questions. Favorite color, favorite food, where you want to live, aspirations, that bullshit,” he said and I laughed. 

“And you said I wasn’t a great conversationalist,” I said to him and he smiled. 

“Fine, if ya’ll are gonna be difficult I’ll go first,” he said confidently as we strode down the hallway. For some reason conversation felt easy between us, I didn’t feel tense or nervous. In a lot of ways it felt like we’ve known each other for years, a truly wonderful feeling. 

“Go for it,” I said to him and he nodded as he thought. 

“My favorite color is gold, because I always get the gold,” I groaned at his response, and he shoved me playfully. “Pay attention, tuna is probably my favorite, any and all types included.”

“Even canned?” I asked him, my face scrunching in disgust. 

“Even canned Shou, nothing can beat my Ma’s tuna sandwiches,” he said and I laughed and nodded as I motioned for him to continue. “Huh..place I wanna live...I suppose I don’t care much, I’m more concerned with which team will take me when I graduate,” I nodded. “But...I’ve always thought that when I retire after I make a shit ton of money, I’d wanna live way up in the mountains in a shack with the one I love.”

I don’t know why, but I could see it myself too. Us content living in our own seclusion away from all of our problems. Just enjoying one another, drinking cocoa by the fire, these things are beautiful in my mind. It seems too easy to imagine us like that, but...that’s not what will happen. We won’t even get close to that, where I run my hands through undyed brown hair with a hint of grey. His slight wrinkles on the sides of his face from years of smiling as he wins on the field. 

“That’s really beautiful,” I said to him quietly. 

“Yeah...it’s hard to believe, but I’m a bit of a romantic myself,” he seemed almost embarrassed admitting this about himself. I was surprised he was telling me all this. 

“I can see it,” I said to him and he smiled at me. 

“Now it’s your turn. I bared my soul, so now it’s yur turn,” he said quickly, taking advantage of the lull in conversation and I bit my bottom lip as I thought. 

“Favorite food,” I started, he looked at me expectantly as I thought. “Eggs and rice, probably because they’re the two things I can successfully make on my own,” I said and he laughed as he nodded for me to continue. “My favorite color is...probably yellow, and...I’m not sure about my future. I haven’t thought much about it,” I said. 

“Well think about it now,” he said and I looked at him before quickly looking away. 

That would be easy if I said what was on my mind. I’d say I want to also live in that shack up in the mountains. Where you’d shovel the snow, and I’d tend to a little garden we had outside. We’d share a bed, and I’d snuggle close to you in the colder months, since you always run a lot warmer than me. We’d just laze around some days, taking in each other’s companies, and others we’d go exploring around the expanse of nature around us. But I’d never grow tired of you for one second. But...that’s not going to happen, and I don’t want it to. So saying that would just further spur on a dream that won’t happen. I won’t. 

“Probably living in the country, coaching a high school track team,” I said to him and he nodded, but I felt like he could tell I was lying. 

We walked out the back of the stadium and I heard a bunch of people calling for Atsumu. “Atsumu! Hey, can we get a quick interview!” Some of the news reporters said.

He was about to say no, but I motioned for him to go. “You sure?” He asked and I nodded encouragingly as I pushed him towards them. “I’ll be back soon,” he said to me and I leaned against the railing as I watched him. 

“Shouyou Hinata?” Someone asked and I saw a man dressed in a business suit walking towards me. 

“Yes, who’s asking?” I asked him and he smiled as he held out his hand to me. 

“Issei Mattsun from ESPN News, I couldn’t help but notice the hair and thought you might be Shouyou Hinata, the star of the high school football circuit a few years ago,” he said and I scoffed as I leaned my head back. 

“I don’t know where you get your figures from, but I wasn’t that good,” I said to him and he sized me up as I talked, as if trying to see if there was something he was missing. 

“You were one of the best running backs in the nation, scoring consecutive national wins with your team. It was a shock you didn’t accept an offer for a professional team, let alone a collegiate one,” he said and I eyed him. 

“Are you recording this? I don’t consent to an interview,” I said to him pointedly and he laughed and shook his head. 

“No, no I’m doing this out of curiosity then anything,” he said and I looked away. “Your old partner Kageyama often brings you up in interviews, attributing his early success to you. Do you have anything you’d like to respond with?” I wanted to run as fast as I could from this conversation, but my feet were rooted to the spot. 

I haven’t seen or watched a single interview, game, or even commercial of his since the break up. Plus all my friends avoid it like the plague, not even mentioning his name. No way has he been saying that, is this guy baiting me, and why would he? “I thought this wasn’t an interview,” I said to him and he laughed and nodded. 

“Very good way of avoiding the question,” I didn’t bother looking at him. “For what it’s worth it’s not too late. I’m sure joining the team here would lead you to great success in the professional world. You’ve already made quite a name for yourself in track and field,” he said and I leaned my head back as I stared up at the stars. 

“I don’t want to play football anymore, I’m content just watching great players,” I said, my eyes moving over to Atsumu who was still talking to reporters. 

“I suppose, Atsumu Miya is an incredible player, any professional team would be lucky to have him,” he said to me, and we both nodded. “What did you think when he pulled off the old move you were known for in high school?” He asked me and I just peered at him. 

He was asking too many questions for someone who wasn’t here for an interview, and too personal at that. I don’t like this. “It was bound to happen eventually,” I said vaguely and he smirked. 

“I suppose, but...have you ever thought about being a manager on a team? I know the Patriots would-.”

“Is there a problem here?” Atsumu said as he stepped in and my eyes fluttered over to him standing in between Issei and I. 

Issei just held up his hands lazily with a lopsided smile. “No problem, just an interested party,” he handed me a business card. “Call me if you’re interested,” he said and I just watched as he disappeared. 

“What did he want?” Atsumu asked me, confused. 

“Doesn’t matter,” I said as I threw away the business card. “Just some weird guy, do you want to drop your stuff off at home before we-.”

“No, I’m fine, lead the way to your destination,” he said and I smiled as we fell into step easily with each other. 

It was about a 5 minute walk from the stadium, at a park I run through often on training days. We walked down the winding paths until we got to the beautiful little man made waterfall in the back. I sighed constantly and sat down on the bench. Atsumu joined me, I looked over and he just stared around looking bored. I stifled a laugh and he looked at me questioningly. 

“What?” He asked and I turned towards him. 

“You can’t bear that with some big party going on I talked you into coming here with me,” I said to him and he balked. 

“No, that’s not-.”

“Sure,” I said with a smile as I sat back. 

“I mean we could still-.”

“See I told you!” I said victoriously and both of us just laughed as we went back to a content sort of silence. 

“This is nice,” he said nodding as he looked around at the scenery. “I always find that my ears hurt after a game. Everything is so loud, and it’s hard to focus on anything past the roaring of the crowd. So being here is really nice,” he said and I smiled. 

“I’m glad...did you see that Akaashi and Bokuto got together finally,” I said to him and he rubbed his eyes as he groaned. 

“Don’t remind me, it’s all he can talk about. I fucking walked in on them in the showers after practice yesterday. Although I now have a great respect for Akaashi, I don’t know if I could take that huge of a-.”

“Stop! They’re like my parents Tsumu!” I said quickly as I jumped up and placed my hand over his mouth. 

Both of us stopped again as we saw how close we were. My hand was on his face, and his skin was just as soft and warm as I remembered. I retracted my hand and sat down. He laughed awkwardly as he rubbed the back of my neck. “Sorry I forgot Bokuto calls you his son all the time,” he said and I nodded as I tried to collect myself. 

“I was on the football team in high school, I joined late for someone my age, but he took me under his wing from day one. Akaashi was his best friend, and Bokuto was best friends with Kuroo, who was basically my family at that point. And the rest is history, always inseparable,” I said and he smiled. 

“Sounds like Bo, he’s the only one on the team who I haven’t called a dumbass. I’ve got great respect for the guy,” he said and I nodded. 

“You call people dumbasses?” I asked him and he tensed up. “I know people say you’ve got a bad personality, but I didn’t think they meant it,” I said to him and he just laughed quietly. 

“Well...that’s one way to put it,” he said quietly. “I just...I don’t know, I get all in my head about stuff. I know this might sound lame, but being the school’s golden child, a prodigy quarterback, and the team captain who needs to get another national win. All of these things weigh on me, and I tend to snap at people who don’t want to work as hard as I do. Even though I know I shouldn’t expect anyone to train as hard as I do. I expect perfection and if I don’t get it then I’m not past yelling at scrubs,” he said to me. 

There was that vulnerability again, how does he so easily open himself up to me. Probably because he doesn’t fear that unknown, doesn’t fear how much it can hurt when someone pokes needles into every single one of your insecurities. I admire it, Atsumu’s brutal honestly is something I love about him. But...it’s scary to me, when there’s so much hidden I can’t possibly manage to tell him everything. But I owe it to him. 

“So...I’m gonna come right out and say it,” Atsumu said and I turned towards him suddenly, worry set in, but he didn’t seem scared. “As much as I love this, and the phone call was a great way to quell the bender I was on the other day. There is no way you would have agreed to sit here with me in this park if you weren’t put up to it,” he said and I didn’t look at him. “So who was it? Probably Samu, he does this when-.”

“No you’re wrong!” I said suddenly. 

What the fuck, why was I lying? Because I didn’t want the past half hour to disappear. Because I didn’t want him to think I was doing this only because I was put up to it. Now was probably a great time to come clean and tell him the truth, but the thought of it made me sick. I can’t lose this, whatever this is. Once I calmed myself I turned towards his face and he just waited for me quietly, he wasn’t smiling now. 

“Is whatever he agreed to do for you  _ that good _ that you’d still lie to my face,” he said to me and I sighed as I rested my elbows on my knees and pressed my face into my hands. 

“No, I just…” my voice dropped off as I didn’t know what to say. What could I? It seems like he can tell when I’m lying, he’s a lot more perceptive than I thought he was. 

“Take all the time you need,” he said softly and I tried to breathe as I let my mind calm down. 

“What do you want me to say?” I lifted my head as I turned to him, his lips were set in a fine line as he stared at me. 

“The truth, I just want to understand. Because you can’t deny there’s something here,” he said and I bit my lip as I turned my eyes downcast. 

“It’s not that...I’m just. I don’t want you to think that everything is based on lies, or that if you get to know me you might not like me. You only know me based on my outward appearance, we don’t know anything about each other. What if you find out I snore, or I’m not good in bed, or I am annoying, or-.”

“I don’t think any of those things are true. And before you start descending more into this,” he said and I could only blink as he took my hand in his. “Just be honest with me. I just want to know even if it’s somewhere deep down. Is there room for me in your life?” He asked me with a slight stutter in his words. 

“Yeah,” I said breathlessly, and I felt like a part of me left my body with that word. 

“Oh thank god,” he said as he used his free hand to rub his forehead. He then leaned over and pressed his forehead to my hand. 

“Are you okay?” I asked him and he looked up at me. 

“I’m fine, I just...I can’t tell you for how long I’ve wanted to hear those words,” he said and I peered at him. 

“You’ve barely known me Atsumu, don’t-.”

“I’ve had a crush on you for 6 years Shou.”

I think I felt my soul leave my body when he said that. “What do you mean, you didn’t-.” my voice stopped in my throat as the puzzle pieces finally fit together. 

The dreams, the fleeting images of Atsumu in my mind. A guy with blonde hair and a slight southern accent sitting with me in the grass after a long day of practice. He would toss me the ball as many times as I wanted, he was nice, and his touch was soft. He encouraged me, and never put me down. He called me beautiful...he called me the sun. 

“Tsumu,” I said quietly. 

“I see you remember,” he said as he rubbed the back of his hair, his cheeks were red and he couldn’t look at me. 

“I...was it really you?” I asked him and he nodded. 

“Yeah, I fell in love with you at that summer camp Shou. I just...didn’t know your heart belonged to someone else,” he said and I retracted my hand from his. 

“I...it’s not-.”

“You don’t have to explain. It doesn’t take a genius to know that things didn’t end well between ya,” he said with some pain in his voice. I just held my hand to my chest. “So all I’ve ever wanted to know was...if I even had a sliver of a chance. So...it’s really good to know I wasn’t pining for nothin’.” 

“How can you be so romantic, this sounds like a fairytale,” I said as I covered my face with my hands. 

He gently grabbed my hands and pulled them apart from my face. We were so close, less than an inch from each other. Even the cold hair around us couldn’t quell the heat building up inside us at this close proximity. We were both controlling our breathing, and a furious blush on our cheeks, but I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to jump off the edge, take a risk, and drown in Atsumu. He smells like cinnamon and spice, and I found myself closing my eyes as I tilted my head forward. 

At that moment his phone went off and we both jumped back. “This better be FUCKING GOOD SAMU!” Atsumu yelled into his phone, but his anger subsided as he listened to the other end of the line. “Oh...Kita I’m sorry I-. Wait what, Samu is...no way,” he turned to give me an apologizing look as he stood up. “No I’ll be there, give me like 5 minutes, yeah, I’ll be there,” he said and he hung up the phone. 

He turned towards me and I didn’t have time to think as he grabbed my face and pulled me close. Our lips met and I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. It ended far too soon as he pushed me back and looked at me. “Samu is so high off his ass he’s trying to jump out the window. I gotta go help him, but-.”

“Go help Samu,” I said to him, my mind was still slightly dazed. 

“Okay, yeah, but first,” he took a moment and gently kissed me again this time, both of us leaning into the kiss. I felt like the whole world could be crumbling around me, but I wouldn’t care. The only thing my mind could process was his lips on mine. 

He pulled away again, both of us breathless as we stared at each other. He grumbled frustratedly as he rested his forehead on mine. “Tsumu?” I asked quietly, pulling us out of this tension. 

“Sunday, next sunday after homecoming. I’m gonna take you on a date, a real one. I’ll sweep you off your feet Shou, just you wait,” I think if it were possible my entire body would melt into a puddle at those words. 

“Okay, now go before Samu does something stupid,” I said jokingly and he grumbled again as he clutched my face in his hands. 

“Why does it have to be right fucking now,” he said and I laughed lightly as I pushed him away from me and turned him around. 

“Go, go on,” I said and he smiled dumbly at me. 

“Alright Shou I’ll call ya later,” he said and I smiled as I nodded and watched him run off back towards fraternity row. 

“Go!” I yelled after him and he just smiled as he left. 

I sat down and smiled like an idiot as I touched my fingers to my lips. I felt like new, like all that weight set on my shoulders was gone. For once I felt like the constricting around my insides subside. I sighed happily as I just sat on that bench and contemplated my life for a moment. So taking this leap was a risk, and I’m happy with the outcome. I’m finally happy. 

I’d been out here for hours now, the moon high in the sky, but the healthy blush was still on my face. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and answered it, assuming it was Tsumu. “Hey, how’s Samu?” I said and the line was silent. 

“Hinata?” A voice said and my blood went cold. 

“Kageyama,” I managed to get out. 

Just when I thought the pain was gone, it comes back ten fold. 

Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro Kageyama out here always calling with cinematic timing.  
> Also I'll be updating weekly now since school is killing me currently. And this takes a hell of a long time, but I love doing it. I'm also working on an IwaOi story and another BokuAka (my two OTP's besides Atsuhina). Let me know what ya'll want to see in the comments!  
> Also if ya'll out there noticed my Company reference ya'll are the real ones <3 <3
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	10. Kuroo POV: What Are We? (Intermission 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Kenma talk about things between them. Kenma is annoyed that he doesn't have a way to explain what their relationship is, and proposes an idea to Kuroo. Hinata struggles more with his feelings, and tensions rise as we start to near Homecoming weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro....school is...killing my soul  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, I've been really invested in other ships besides AtsuHina right now and this just felt like the right time to delve more into KuroKen <3  
> I also mapped out the rest of this series and I'm think 45 parts *insert tired emoji here* Just to convey the story I want, and to hit all of these parts I want probably 45 chapters is what I'm looking at. So hopefully you'll stick around for the ride.

Practice had been grueling, and Atsumu seems even more determined to work us all into the ground since his breakdown the other week. Doesn’t matter to me I ‘suppose. Whatever gets us to the finals I’ll do it. I’m determined to get drafted, and if that means a couple more laps around the gym then...I suppose that’s what it means. I had wanted some peace and quiet on my way home. It seems though that Bokuto wasn’t quite keen on that idea. 

“I wanna run some more laps. I've still got so much energy!” Bokuto said and I sighed and nodded. 

“Why don’t you go fuck your boyfriend to blow off some steam,” I roleld my eyes as his eyes widened. 

“Akaashi wants to take things slow! And...but-.” He scrunched up his face as he thought and I couldn’t help but laugh as I saw the array of emotions pass over his face. “I could ask, but he’s pretty shy,” he said with a fond smile. 

“You do remember we all walked in on him sucking your dick just the other day right?” I asked him and his face went bright red. 

“Bro!” He yelled and hit me on the arm, I just laughed as we walked down the street. “I’m a 22 year old man, I have every right to be horny.” I really didn't want to dignify his blunt statement with a response. “And what about you? Aren’t you and Kenma dating?”

“No!” I said quickly and Bokuto just peered at me questioningly. “Nah, I mean...he’s not really interested in that kind of….stuff,” I said to him and he shrugged. 

“Dunno, I thought the same thing about Akaashi, but I was proven  _ very  _ wrong,” he said and I tried to scrub the image of Bokuto’s penis out of my mind. 

“Forget it Bo, and believe me we’re not that intimate. We just do a lot together,” I said to him as we entered the house. 

“You do  _ everything  _ together. There’s a difference between you hanging out with me and hanging out with Kenma,” he said and I just sighed as I tilted my head back. 

“What do you want me to say Bo? If he doesn’t like me he doesn’t like me. It’s a moot point,” I said as we waved to some of the other guys in the living room. 

“I think there’s a present waiting for you upstairs,” Oikawa said as he was currently wrapped around Iwaizumi on the couch who was working on something on his laptop  _ completely ignoring _ the grown man clutching onto him. Or maybe he likes it..hard to tell with those two. 

“Huh?” I asked him and he smirked at me. 

“You’ll see,” he said with a smirk and I didn’t like that. 

The last time there was a “surprise” of my room was back when I joined the frat and found my bed full of cooking oil. I can’t tell you how hard that was to get out of my bed, was it funny, yes, but did it piss me off, also yes. So I braced for impact as we slowly ascended the stairs to our room on the second floor. Upon entering I didn’t see anything until I noticed a lump in my bed...and blond hair with dark roots sticking out the end. 

I sighed in relief. “It’s just Kenma,” I said and Bokuto looked at me. 

“He’s sleeping in your bed,” Bokuto pointed out. 

“If he gets anxious he finds my bed calming,” I said to him and Bokuto just shook his head. 

“I am not third wheeling. I'll go to Akaashi’s,” he said as he set his gym bag down and hastily exited the room. 

I just sighed as I walked over to my bed gently setting down my things and peeling off my shirt. I heard rustling and turned to see Kenma slowly blinking as he peered at me. “Did I wake you?” I asked him quietly. 

He just shook his head slowly. I nodded and finished changing into my pjs. I then went to sit down at my small desk as I pulled out my homework. “Kuro,” he said quietly and I turned my head towards him. 

He was peering at me from the end of the bed. I smiled as I reached out and patted his head, Kenma easily moved himself towards my touch and seemed content. Lately he’s been more forward about touching, although we’ve never had any sort of “boundaries” when it came to each other. He’d steal my sweaters, we’d sleep in the same bed, we’d even share a bath when we were kids. But he’s never been as forward as he’s been in the past month. I like this a lot so I’m not going to ruin it and comply with his wishes.

It used to unnerve me how he would just watch me and not contribute to the conversation, but I know it’s just how he is. It’s comfortable now, especially since I know he’s listening to me, even when he’s playing one of his games he is hearing what I’m saying. These are just things you learn after years of friendship. Although friendship doesn’t seem right either. We’re something else beyond that for sure, but I have no clue what it is. If this is all Kenma’s comfortable with then that’s fine with me. 

“Did something happen? You haven’t come here for a while,” I said to him as I brushed my fingers on his cheek lightly and turned back to my work. 

“No...I just...wanted to see you,” he said quietly. 

“Oh,” I said as I covered my mouth with my hand trying to hide the wide grin on my face. “Well make yourself at home. Did you eat yet?” I asked him. 

He averted his gaze as he stared down at the floor and I knew that meant he hadn’t. “Well..I-.”

“Say no more kitten, I’ll go find something,” I said to him. 

Both of us momentarily froze at the nickname. I stood up quickly as I rubbed the back of my neck shyly. “Thanks,” Kenma said quietly. 

“No problem,” I said as I tried to not sprint out of that room and throw myself out the second story window like 'Samu tried to do the other day. 

I went down to the kitchen and blatantly ignored a snickering Oikawa on the couch. I heard him yell “ow” as Iwaizumi flicked him in the head telling him not to be an asshole. I just snickered as I went to the kitchen. 

I can’t believe I called him  _ kitten _ , usually I have more restraint, but I guess I’m not as smart as everyone else seems to think. He didn’t seem bothered by it either, which is bothering me. What’s different about him lately? What makes this past month different from the years we spent together? Why does _ friend _ not fully cover what I feel for Kenma? If friend isn’t what I would call him...then what is? I don’t have enough brain capacity for these questions, and...like I had said to Bokuto before it doesn’t matter what I think...it’s all on him. And if I know anything about Kenma is he’s never been  _ bold _ in his life. I’m almost 75% sure he doesn’t even care about things like relationships or sex. Not that any of that matters to me. I suppose someone will come along soon enough that can hold my attention even remotely as much as Kenma does, and I forget these complicated emotions. Maybe...

In the kitchen I scrounged up a decent meal from leftovers and started making some sandwiches when Asahi walked into the kitchen. “Oh! I’m sorry I’ll leave!” He said and I rolled my eyes as I caught his arm before he turned out the door. 

“Stop preemptively apologizing, Asahi. I thought we’ve been working on this,” I said to him and he hung his head. 

“Yeah! Azumane, listen to Kuroo!” I heard a small voice say from his phone. 

“Oh the famous adventurer,” I said as I looked down at Asahi’s phone, and the small guy with a big smile waved at me. “Where are you now?” I asked him as Asahi turned the phone towards me. 

“Italy! It’s beautiful here!” He said showing the phone around. He was currently on a boat in the middle of the pristine turquoise water. “I made friends with some Marlin fishers and we’ve been out in the water for a few days now!” Somehow Noya always manages to have the strangest travel stories I’ve ever heard. The loud guy can make friends with almost anyone. 

“You should be careful, there could be storms out there, or you could fall off the boat, or-.” Asahi’s worries only seemed to fester as Noya laughed loudly. 

“Asahi you worry too much! I’ll be fine, I made you a promise,” he said with a smile to the big bearded man next to me. 

I think Asahi was about to cry as he turned the screen back to him. “Yuu…” he said quietly, as he tried to discreetly dab at his eyes. 

“Stop crying Asahi! You’re a national champion, and an incredible offensive lineman! Lineman don’t cry!” Noya yelled and Asahi nodded and smiled. 

“You’re right Yuu...I just miss you,” he said fondly and I had to turn away before I outwardly cringed at the very affectionate couple. 

“I’ll be home again soon,” Noya said and surprisingly when he wasn’t screaming all the time he sounded incredibly sincere. “Now eat some food! You had a tough practice and you need PROTEIN TO REPAIR YOUR MUSCLES!” He yelled through the phone and Asahi jumped up. 

“Right! I will,” he said and I chuckled as Asahi showed Noya the fridge and I heard him giving Asahi some instructions. 

Wow, I mean we all knew Asahi was whipped for Nishinoya, but it’s a funny dynamic to actually see in person. Daichi told me that in high school Noya was actually a gifted football player, but he wanted to travel the world so he gave up the sport. Noya obviously was the one to confess first, no way Asahi would ever muster the courage to do it himself. Daichi told me the way it happened was Noya just yelled that he loved Asahi in the middle of a game, causing the offensive lineman to start crying in the middle of the field as he crushed Noya in his arms. They’ve been together ever since.

I finished making my food and waved to a stressed out Asahi listening to the countless instructions Noya was giving him on the phone. But Asahi seemed weirdly happy about it, so I left them to their weird dynamic. Carrying my two plates into the living room I saw an angry looking Oikawa draped dramatically over the edge of the couch. Iwaizumi hadn’t moved from his position as he typed away. 

“Are you coming on Wednesday?” I asked Iwaizumi. 

He turned up to look at me. “Yeah..isn’t it required?”

“It’s a team bonding activity Iwaizumi, it’s not required, but recommended. A little fun could do you some good. You’re so serious all the time, you scare the freshman” I said to him with a smirk obviously provoking the stoic running back. 

“I do not,” Iwaizumi said as he rolled his eyes. 

“You’re telling me!” Oikawa started as he sat up. “You’ve ignored me for THREE HOURS, but Kuroo walks in and you talk to _him_. He’s not even your  _ boyfriend _ !” Oikawa said dramatically and Iwaizumi scowled as he turned towards Oikawa. 

“I said we’d hang out  _ later _ . After I got my  _ project done _ . Which is due  _ tonight dumbass _ ,” he said pointedly to Oikawa. 

“I’m working on my masters in literature. I could HELP YOU with your PROJECT IWA!” He yelled and I made a hasty exit upstairs as I heard the argument continue behind me. 

I’m constantly surrounded by couples. At first it was confusing to me, but then I began to grow used to it as the years passed by. Maybe it’s because most of us are seniors now. Lots of us don’t want to go crazy at parties and have countless partners anymore. You start to want something real, something that lasts longer than a couple months. What’s more you want someone who’ll follow you to wherever you go. Someone who is familiar and nearby when you don’t all live in the same house as all your closest friends. I feel like I’m running out of time, since we’re already halfway through the fall term now. Not that dating is really what’s on my mind. There’s only one person for me, and it’s someone I can’t have. 

“You were gone for a while,” Kenma said as I opened the door. 

He was sitting up now playing his switch and he had put on  _ my sweatshirt _ . I closed my eyes and composed myself before walking over and handing him food. I sat next to him on the bed easily holding out my hand to him. He sighed loudly as he handed me his switch and I put it in my pocket as he began to nibble at the sandwich. 

“How’s Hinata?” I asked him after he had taken a few bites. 

“I’m...not sure. He came back at 2AM after the game on Friday,” Kenma said quietly. “He threw up in the bathroom and didn’t move from the bed. He wouldn’t talk to me, he wouldn’t even eat. I finally got him to get out of the room today, but that was difficult,” he said and I sighed. 

“I thought Atsumu and him made out or something?” I asked and Kenma shrugged. 

“Not sure, Shouyo never brought it up, and he’s been avoiding him like the plague for a few days now,” Kenma said and I sighed. 

“Damn...well. Why don’t we go check on him later, alright?” I asked him. 

“Okay,” he nodded quietly as he went back to his sandwich. “You’re always so nice to me Kuroo,” his face was slightly pink as he said it and he was staring far too intently at the sandwich in front of him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be? I promised you a long time ago I’d always be here for you,” I tentatively reached up and placed my hand on his head, mindlessly twirling strands of his hair in between my fingers. 

“In what way?” He asked me after a moment of silence. 

“Huh?” I asked, but he turned away from me, letting his hair fall in front of his face to cover his expression. “I can’t hear you if you won’t look at me.”

“You heard me,” he said and I sighed loudly. 

I took the sandwich from his hands and set it down. I then slowly moved his hair back and tucked it behind his ears so he’d look at me. He strangely looked flustered, and a little angry. “Kenma what’s wrong?” I asked him quietly. 

He seemed angry as he huffed loudly. Then I was even more surprised as he crawled over into my lap. I laughed lightly as I set my head down on his shoulder. “My, you’ve been a lot bolder lately Kenma,” I said as I reached over and grabbed a grape from his plate. 

“Not really,” he said dismissively and I smiled. 

“Whatever you say kitten.”

I straightened up my back as I tried to mentally punch myself. I can’t believe I said it  _ again _ .  _ Why _ , what’s wrong with me? I’m always so calm and composed, but now I fucking blurted out the pet name I’ve  _ always  _ wanted to call him not once but  _ twice.  _ I grumbled loudly as I leaned back against the wall, but Kenma made no move to crawl away from me. 

“You can call me that,” he was almost too quiet to hear, which made me sit up. 

“Huh?” I asked him and he turned to look at me over his shoulder. 

“I like it,” he said softly and I thought my entire soul had ascended to heaven. 

“Jeez Kenma, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were flirting with me,” I tried to laugh off the awkward mood I was feeling, but Kenma turned around. 

“I have been for a while...why won’t you notice  _ stupid _ ,” he wouldn’t look me in the eyes, but that made him look even more adorable and...he’s straddling my hips.  _ He’s straddling my hips, this is very dangerous.  _

“Notice what Kenma, I...thought you weren’t into romance and stuff, plus we’re friends, and I’d hate to lose you because of-.”

“You’ll never lose me. I need you too much,” he said as he gently placed his one hand against my chest. 

“But...you’ve never expressed an interest before, why-.”

“I’ve always struggled to talk around other people. But..never around you. You were always different, from the beginning.” He looked me in the eyes, his gaze traveling over me slowly as he tried to figure out what to say. “Do you want us just to be friends? Because I don’t think what I’m feeling is just friendship,” he said softly, still not able to fully look me in the eyes. He’s thinking the same thing I am, that something drastically has changed between us in the past years, the change was slow and steady so we wouldn’t notice, but now it’s overwhelming and all encompassing.

“You’ve...I mean you’ve never slept with anyone. Not that I’m saying you have to sleep with me, but you should be attracted to me, or want to kiss me, or-.”

“I do,” he said and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped. 

“You’re killing me kitten,” I said as I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. 

“What’s wrong? Are you not interested in me?” I opened my eyes suddenly. He was really quiet and he sounded a little hurt as he averted his eyes from me. 

“No! No, it’s just...if I’m being 100% honest I never thought you’d ever be the one to confess to me. Not in a million years, so I’m kind of almost about to keel over here,” I said as I sighed and stared at the ceiling. 

“Kuro,” he said and I stilled as I felt his hand on my face. 

“What are you doing?” I asked him as I leaned back and he leaned closer to me. 

“I want to see if this is something I would like,” he said quietly. 

“You’re practicing on me? I know you’ve got me whipped, but this is going to kill me Kenma,” I said and he just glared at me. 

“Just once,” he said and  _ hell if I was going to say no to what I’ve wanted for years.  _

“As you wish,” my voice sounded like a breath between us instead of noise. Not that we needed words to express things between us. I’ve known him for so long I don’t even need to look at him to know what he wants. He’s like an extension of myself, another part of me that’s always nearby. How would I ever say no to anything he wants. He could lead me on for the rest of my god damn life and I wouldn’t complain once. 

It was adorable as he leaned in and pressed his soft lips to mine. He smelled like mint and honey and I wanted to remember this for my entire life. He wasn’t that aggressive, and I didn't want to push it, so he kissed me softly before pulling back. He blinked a couple times as we both registered this was in fact  _ really happening _ . I let him think it over for a moment. 

“Did you like that?” He asked me after a long silence. 

“Did I like that?” I asked incredulously as I scoffed and smiled. I reached my hands up to cup his face and his face turned an even brighter red as I got closer. “I loved it.”

“Can we-.”

I didn’t waste any time as I pressed my lips to his, and he seemed fine letting me take over. He wrapped his arms around my neck as he leaned in. I was surprised as he allowed my tongue to enter his mouth. A slight moan emitted from him which almost made me hard. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Like one of my shameful wet dreams coming to life. I broke off the kiss after a while to let Kenma collect his breath since I was worried he’d pass out. 

He averted his eyes again and buried his face into the crook of my neck. I just smiled as I held him close to me. “You’re always taking care of me,” he said quietly. 

“Do you not want me to do that anymore?” I asked him. 

He just shook his head slightly as I patted his back lightly. “Take care of me for the rest of my life,” he said quietly into my ear and I simply felt like my whole mind was melting at those words. 

“In what way? I was already planning on that, but are you going to be an active participant?” I asked him. 

“Do I need to change anything if we’re together?” He asked me and I sighed as I leaned against the wall and repositioned myself. 

“Not really, but...things like kissing, and sex if that’s something you’re interested in would be on the table. Although I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you for a long time, so nothing quite changes for me for sure,” I said and he lifted his head to look up at me. 

“Can we have sex?” He asked and my eyes widened as my mind short circuited. 

“ _Now_?” I asked and I just stared at his neutral expression. 

“Well...you want to, and so do I. So why not now?” He asked and I groaned internally because of course  _ horny 22 year old alpha male, senior running back, and star of the chemistry department Tetsuro Kuroo wants nothing more than to have sex with you _ . But….sadly the more gentleman side of me was winning out, and I can’t just bone him on my shitty bed that  _ still _ smells like canola oil. 

“Because I want it to be special. It might not matter to you, but it does to me. Let me take you on a date, and we’ll work up to that,” I said as I threaded my fingers through his hair and he sighed contently as he leaned towards my touch. He really is like a cat sometimes...so fucking adorable. 

“When are you going to have time? Homecoming is on Friday,” he said to me and I groaned loudly. 

“Don’t remind me, plus my Organic Chemistry professor has an exam on Friday. I’m not sure I’ll be able to move on Saturday,” I said and Kenma sat up to look at me. 

“But didn’t you promise Shoyo you’d help set up the cultural festival?” Kenma said and I swore internally. 

“Fuck, yeah I did. Oh my god Friday will kill me,” I said as I rested my head on his chest and he ran his fingers tentatively through my hair. “I’ll make time though,” I turned my head up and made sure he was looking at me. “I’d give you every second of my life.”

His face started to turn a bright red and I chuckled as he batted my hands away so he could turn his face from me. “If you keep saying stuff like that your reputation will be ruined,” he said and I chuckled as I leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. 

“I wouldn’t mind,” I said quietly. “You...I don’t have a better way to ask this so...you wanna make out for a while?” I asked him. 

“Yes,” he was quiet as he leaned forward and our lips connected again. 

I don’t even know how much time passed, and neither of us seemed to care as we kissed on the bed. I was also surprised at how much he learned in this short time, he managed to take the lead a couple times and I was content to let him as he learned where to put his hands, how to move his tongue, and how to leave red marks on my neck. He would prod at me to take the lead, and I would happily oblige. Honestly I could just stay here for the rest of my life, and I’m fairly sure he’d say the same. 

“Kitten,” I said after a while when I saw how dark it was getting outside. “Shouldn’t we go check on Hinata?” I asked him and he looked up at me for a moment. 

“Yeah,” he said as he quickly climbed up and I tried to think of anything to quell the hard on I’ve been sporting for a while now. 

“Are you just planning to steal my remaining clean sweatshirt?” I asked him as I grabbed my jacket. 

“Maybe,” he said and I just chuckled as we walked out of the room and down the stairs. 

It was to no one's surprise that Oikawa and Iwaizumi were making out on the couch, Iwaizumi rolled his eyes when I gave him a thumbs up as we passed by and made our way out the door. They were an odd couple all things considered. But I suppose they’re a lot like Kenma and I, childhood friends turned lovers. Except that Oikawa is a fairly successful model and star of the literature department working on his MBA. While Iwaizumi is stoic, doesn’t like PDA, and is a really good running back on the football team. But I suppose they fit, and it’s clear to everyone in the world that they love each other. So I suppose it’s just right to leave them be. 

“Why did you want to live in the frat house?” Kenma asked me exasperatedly as we left the house and walked down the street. 

“Dunno, Bo wanted to, and I do like to party. Plus I kind of had something to prove as a starting member of the team, plus most of the guys are gay and nice,” I said to him and he shrugged. 

“Most people are gay in our age group,” he said and I chuckled. 

“Guess it works out for us then,” I said as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

He pushed my face away, but he couldn’t hide the smile I saw on his face. I confidently walked forward with him by my side. “Stop being so cheesy in public,” he said quietly. 

“I can’t help it, you confessed to me after 20 years so I can’t contain myself.”

"I take it back,” he said quickly and I widened my eyes. 

“No Kenma! I’ll be good I promise,” I said to him with a comically large pout on my face. 

He just laughed lightly and took my hand without saying anything else. Again, I don’t think we require words to express our feelings for one another. It’s almost like we met each other when we were young and were meant to be together. Like some cosmic sign, us being together for life was a foregone conclusion decided far before either of us had a choice in the matter. Not like I’d ever change my mind. I’ve slept around my fair share, but everything pales in comparison to Kenma. 

“Just be careful when we go in okay,” Kenma said to me as we got to his dorm and I nodded. 

I was expecting to find Hinata having a breakdown in the bathtub like usual but I was surprised as the door opened and he was... _ cleaning _ . The dorm has never looked this spotless, Both beds made, Kenma’s games sanitized and organized, he even put together the shelf I got Kenma for Christmas last year. The floors were spotless, and folded laundry was on the bed. He even had cookies on the little table in the center of their small room. Hinata popped his head out of the bathroom and I saw he was wearing comically large bright yellow cleaning gloves as he smiled and waved at us. 

“Have some cookies I’m almost done!” He said with a bright smile, but neither of us moved from our spots. 

If there’s one thing I know about Hinata it’s that he never cleans unless something is  _ really _ wrong. He likes to busy himself with stuff so his mind can’t think about what happened. Kenma and I shared a wary look as we both sat down and ate a cookie. They were really good, but I was more worried about the red head frantically scrubbing the bathtub. Finally after a very uncomfortably long time he came out of the bathroom, discarding the gloves, and sat down at the table with us. 

“What brings you here Kuroo? I haven’t seen you in a while,” Hinata said with a bright smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. And he looked tired,  _ really  _ tired. 

“Just wanted to see ya Chibi-chan,” I said as I ruffled his hair and he giggled as he batted my hand away. 

“Aww you’re so sweet,” he turned towards Kenma who was watching him intently. “I know you don’t like anyone touching your things, but I took the liberty of cleaning your side of the room too. I know you’ve been busy lately and thought I’d help,” he said, but his voice sounded strained. Not to mention that Hinata is probably the busiest person on campus. 

“Shouyo,” Kenma said with a pointed look, and the smile fell as Hinata turned towards him. “I’ve been really worried about you lately. I thought...everything was okay with you and Atsumu? Or is it something else?” Kenma asked him and I nodded in support of his question. 

Hinata looked away as he thought. We sat in silence, the only sound being Hinata tapping his foot anxiously on the ground as he mulled over the question. “I don’t know. I like Atsumu, I do...but.”

“But…?” I asked with an encouraging nod to continue. 

“I just don’t think we’re compatible and...he still likes Kita,” Hinata said and I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. 

“Huh?” I was confused, Hinata looked over at me confused as well. 

“I know he does...Ka-. Someone told me so,” Hinata said and the realization of what happened washed over me as I put two and two together. 

“Kageyama called you didn’t he?” Kenma asked, I was glad he also caught on. 

Hinata bit his lip as he stared at the table. “Yeah...It’s just. I wasn’t going to listen. I was going to hang up, and tell him to fuck off, but...he said some things that sounded too true to just be manipulation. Just that I’ll be hurt in the end again, and that I’ll be reduced to lower than I was before. So what’s the point in trying,” Hinata said, and I felt terrible seeing the dull look in his eyes as he stared at the cookies. 

“None of that’s true, Atsumu is a great guy, especially around you,” I said and Hinata just slowly turned his eyes up towards me. 

“Why does everyone insist that I should be with Atsumu?” He asked pointedly, and I heard the slight anger in his voice. “Everyone just sat on the sidelines as I slept around, and dated numerous assholes, and no one gave a shit or tried to make me stay with someone until fucking now. It’s infuriating,” Hinata said as I pressed his hand on his forehead and slumped forward resting his elbow on the table. 

“Because I didn’t think you were serious about any of the ones before. But you seem serious about Atsumu,” Kenma said and Hinata just sighed in response. 

“Chibi...correct me if I’m wrong, but…doesn’t Atsumu make you happy?” I asked him and he was still quiet and unmoving as he stared at the table. 

“Yes,” he finally said after a while. 

“Then why don’t you want to be with him?”

“Because it will end the same way it did before. Kageyama made me happy before too, so did Oikawa, and all the others that came in between. Until it ends and you’re left with nothing, but tainted memories. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take anymore,” Hinata said and I just sighed as I looked at him. 

“Then you gotta tell Atsumu soon. He’s been talking all weekend about your date. If you’re not invested in this that’s fine and totally your decision, but don’t lead him on,” I said to Hinata and he looked up at me. 

For a moment I saw fear pass over his features before he bit his lip and nodded as he turned away. “Take some time to think it over okay, this is a big decision,” Kenma said to him and Hinata nodded. 

“Thanks...it feels nice to talk this through,” he said and we all nodded. 

“Come on why don’t we play Mario Kart or something? You need a mental break Chibi, and I’m going to beat Kenma this time,” I said trying to dispel the thick tension building in the room. 

“Sure,” Hinata said and Kenma squeezed my hand under the table, signifying that I’d made a good decision. 

“Alright I’ll set it up, and Kenma get the drinks!” I said and we settled into a comfortable evening. I know I had work to do tonight, and probably should get some semblance of sleep before morning practice, but I didn’t care as we settled in for the evening. 

“Can we do the Flower Cup?” Hinata asked and Kenma nodded as he handed out controllers. 

“Get ready to lose,” he said as he poked my rib and I laughed. 

“In your dreams,” even though I knew Kenma would beat me, I’ve never beat him in mario kart  _ once _ in my life. Or any game for that matter. 

Hinata didn’t notice as Kenma moved closer to me. Or when Kenma slowly placed his hand on my thigh. These things would probably look normal to anyone else, and I’m thankful for that. That love doesn’t have to be difficult for me, it’s here in my arms already. A completely attainable thing, something I don’t have to think about. I feel almost sappy thinking about how happy today has made me. Even after some fucking boring lectures today, a TA lab, and grueling practice it was all worth it in the end. I’d walk through glass for Kenma...not that he’d ask me, but I’d do it. 

“You fell off the track again,” Kenma said as I blinked out of my trance. 

“Shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no way I could not include Noya and Asahi in my story <3 love them <3  
> Next chapter we're going to have a BALL at the team bonding event for the first string of the football team. Get ready for chaos, pizza, and a surprise visitor.  
> Thank you all for reading, your support means the world to me <3
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	11. Osamu POV: D PLOT???? (4th Intermission)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osamu struggles to get through team bonding night, but more than anything he's having trouble dealing with the mounting pressure around him, especially when he's not sure what Kiyoomi is feeling. What does his future hold, and is the one that was charted out for him the one that he wants?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow...sorry this took so long lol. I think I edited and deleted this chapter about 60 times, plus it's the end of the semester so life has really been kicking me in the ass, but thanks for sticking around! This is also a terribly long chapter, let me know if it's too long (I hope not because the next one is even longer than this one). There's some talk of sex, but nothing too explicit that I feel I need to tag a warning or anything. I hope you enjoy it anyways. I'm kind of having fun with these intermissions as I've been calling them. So I'll probably include more in the future. Let me know of any ships you'd like to see!

Once every two weeks the varsity football team has a tradition dating back to the founding of our great University. The starting lineup of the varsity football team must go on a team bonding event every two weeks. It can’t be drinking in a frat house, or any party for that matter, it has to be at least 3 hours of non-alcohol fueled bonding time. And... I’m going to be honest, every fucking time it’s like trying to herd a bunch of unruly children around, and somehow, I’ve taken on the role of the parent.

“Samu! I can’t believe you didn’t want to come here this is fucking awesome!” Tanaka yelled as he zoomed past me towards the air hockey table, scaring poor Asahi by aggressively challenging him to an air hockey match. I’m fairly positive if Tanaka didn’t have an outlet in football, he most likely would have been a juvenile delinquent with all those tattoos and piercings and confrontational attitude, but he’s a good guy... _sometimes_.

“Stop bullying Asahi!” Daichi yelled following after him, at least Daichi would be of some use, if Suga was here then I probably couldn’t even find either of them, and I’d rather not scare the children by two grown men fornicating in the bathroom.

I turned my head surveying the next catastrophe in action. “You cheated!” Atsumu yelled from the race car seat next to Bokuto, who’s eyes widened exponentially and looked near tears.

“I would never cheat Tsum-Tsum! How could you say that?!” I weighed my options surveying this current problem. I could step in, otherwise Bokuto would be crying for the rest of the night. Or I could find a way to cheer him up or distract him from the problem but both those things take considerable effort. Thankfully Akaashi got special permission to come since he’s one of our team managers and he was already on his way over to console Bokuto. I gave him a thankful thumbs up, but he actually seemed to enjoy cheering up Bokuto. They’ve been very different ever since their relationship started just a few weeks ago. Although I suppose it’s to be expected, I mean Akaashi followed Bokuto here, even becoming a manager for the varsity football team along with his double major. If that’s not love I don’t know what is.

“Shut the fuck up!” Iwaizumi yelled and I turned my head towards the next problem. Iwaizumi looked about 2 seconds away from choking an overly chatty Tendou who was already singing some weird song to him after beating him in skeeball.

Aone had already made 6 teenagers cry by just sitting in the corner, and one staff member looked ready to pass out after they accidentally bumped into him. Enoshita, Chikara, and Narita were off causing mischief after Narita figured out how to hack the token drop machine. Kuroo was trying to hold Iwaizumi back before he punched a smirking Tendou. And here I was, sitting on the sidelines watching it happen.

_It has only been 20 fucking minutes._

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and was glad for the distraction and a clean get away from impending doom in this arcade. I stood up and walked to the exit, sitting outside in the cold was preferable to the migraine awaiting me inside. “2 hours and 40 minutes,” I whispered to myself as I answered the phone. “Hey babe,” Omi chuckled in response at my overly tired tone of voice.

“That bad huh?” Omi asked and I let out another sigh as I sat down to sit on the curb.

“It’s only been 20 minutes and Aone’s made 6 kids cry just by existing,” I said to him and he chuckled on the other end again, which has never failed to make me smile. 

“I thought Akaashi was there so you wouldn’t have to be the only parent?”

“He’s in charge of Bokuto, which is a full-time job,” another chuckle from that. I barely get to hear him laugh, he’s quite reserved, but any hint of a laugh or a genuine smile makes my heart swoon. A rare sight, like a gift upon my day.

“You’re always so responsible Samu, you can have fun too you know,” he said, and I leaned back as I stared up at the sky.

“This is most definitely not my idea of fun.”

“You’re on a team of competitive testosterone filled 20-somethings. Of course they don’t want to go to the art museum like you suggested,” I laughed quietly.

“If you were here, I might have fun,” I said quietly.

“I would _hate_ it there,” he said, and I laughed this time.

“Right, sorry Omi,” I said as I felt my skin start to chill as the cold seeped in.

_I remember when I first met him at a party freshman year, and... it could not have had a more terrible first meeting. I still do not know why he still insisted on talking to me after that...but he did._

_“Want a drink?” I had asked the guy with curly dark hair sulking in the corner. I assumed that he had been thoroughly rejected tonight and assumed he could use some jungle juice to ignore his shame like the rest of us who were also not getting any tonight._

_“Disgusting,” was the only thing he offered in response. I started to laugh, but he seemed very serious and I stifled my laugh as I stood next to him._

_“More for me then,” I said as I poured the vile liquid into my cup and leaned back against the wall, letting there be a wide berth between us. People seemed to be intentionally ignoring the guy, but...he would not be here if he wasn’t at least somewhat interested in being around people._

_“Is there a reason you’re still here?” He said pointedly and this time I really did laugh._

_“Dunno...I just...assumed you were like me I guess,” I said before pushing myself off the wall to stand. “Guess I was wrong.”_

_I probably could have left, found some other desperate freshman to get drunk with...but something kept me rooted to the spot, waiting patiently for him to say something. I suppose I was forcing the answer out of him. I could see him looking at me for an uncomfortable amount of time. He seemed to be weighing his options, I could see some hints of hesitation, resistance, a little disgust even, but...there was something else there. That small inkling of something kept me waiting for him to respond._

_“What do you mean ‘like me’,” he said to me, his eyes finally reaching mine and I smiled._

_“Interested to hear now huh?” I said with a playful smirk and a raised eyebrow._

_He rolled his eyes and turned away from me in response. “Forget I asked.”_

_“Come on!” I said as I stood in front of him now, testing the boundaries of how close he would allow me to be. Pretty close apparently. “Fine I’ll tell ya, for free even,” I said standing in front of him, smiling confidently._

_He patiently waited for me to say something, and I am fairly positive that other than family this is the closest anyone has ever gotten to him from the way he was staring at me. “You’re just here to watch, you don’t want to drink, nor do you want to socialize. You’re here out of moral obligation, and I thought as a fellow push over I’d keep you company,” I said with a small smile and he just studied my face._

_“Lucky guess,” I laughed in response._

_“Nah, just good at reading people. So, can I ask your name? Or are ya gonna chase me away again?”_

_“I could,” he said as he averted his eyes away from me. I couldn’t help but wonder what his lips looked like under that mask. I was already enamored with his beautiful brown eyes that almost looked black. The two beauty marks above his eyebrow, not to mention the beautiful hair. He must be on a sports team since he was wearing the freshman gym jersey as they call it here. We get these interim jackets before getting on the team._

_“You could…. but” I said waiting for a response._

_“You won’t leave me alone either way, will you?”_

_“No, I’ll leave ya alone if that’s what you’d like.” I said stepping back. “Unlike my unruly twin I’m not one to bother people, I was thinking of heading home anyways,” I said to him plainly. I am not sure why I care so much about this guy, or why I’m trying so hard. I could just go smoke with Suna and forget this night ever happened. But...something kept me here, a feeling I could not explain._

_“Kiyoomi Sakusa,” he said to me and I smiled._

_“Osamu Miya,” I offered back._

_“I know who you are, everyone does,” he said plainly, and I raised my eyebrows._

_“Oh...didn’t know I already had a reputation.”_

_“You’re the football twin duo, the whole country knows you two,” he said, and I narrowed my eyes._

_Of course...but what he and everyone else in this world doesn’t seem to realize is that I’m just along for the ride, this is Atsumu’s dream...not mine. “Well...it was nice to meet you, hope I’ll see you again,” I said quickly, turning around to hide my annoyance._

_He did not know he was going to hit a nerve, how could he. I probably shouldn’t just jump to conclusions like that, but...it’s too late now. Yet before I walked too far away, I turned around to see his expression. I had expected him to be staring back at the crowd with a pissed off look like before, but that’s not what I saw. He was turned back towards the crowd, but his eyes followed me insistently, and... he looked let down._

_Who cares? …It’s not like I’ll see him again._

Funny enough I saw him a lot after that party. At first, I thought it was unintentional, his cousin Komori was part of the “Freshman Party Pack” and in turn Sakusa would show up at every party. I slowly got to learn more and more about him as the years progressed. It took a painstakingly long time, but I didn’t mind, and neither did he. Soon enough I would be standing next to him at parties, then my arm would rest on his shoulder. Soon enough he started feeling more comfortable being intimate with certain people, Hinata being one of them in the past. I knew it was not anything serious with the red head, Sakusa just felt comfortable with him, demisexual as he explained to me.

But every time he would go drinking and go home with Hinata he would call me late at night when I was stoned with Suna and the other stoners in fraternities. We would sit on the phone and talk for hours, almost through the whole night. He would just tell me normal things, things that annoyed him about his day, how well he did at practice, annoying people at the party. Just anything and everything. I was surprised that he chose me to call, but it felt right, and I sure didn’t mind.

After that we continued to grow closer, and soon absentminded touches turns to hand holding, and then to hugging, until he finally kissed me in the middle of the summer bash. He had the nerve to ask me what took me so long, and I haven’t stopped kissing him every day since. It was an adjustment at first, especially since he’s agoraphobic and doesn’t like people touching him. Setting boundaries, and figuring out what’s good and what’s not has taken time. I still am unsure if I know everything, but...I’ll try for him. Anything that makes him feel comfortable is fine with me, plus I’ve never had a high sex drive to begin with. I love the time I have with him, and I hope it never ends.

But recently Omi has felt bad about his phobias. He expressed to me before that he is sorry for holding me back. I have told him countless times that it doesn’t matter to me, but he doesn’t seem to listen. I guess all I can do is continually reassure, then hopefully one day he will listen to me. “I…” he started again but stopped himself.

I checked to make sure that the line didn’t cut off “What’s up Omi? You still there?” I asked him, the concern seeping into my voice.

“If you really want me to come, I’ll come,” he said finally, and my eyes widened.

“No, nah it’s not worth the hassle Omi. I was just talking before; I can handle myself. I just like to complain. I just like being with ya, not that ya need to be here exactly. I really only feel at peace with you, so this phone call is more than enough,” I said quietly.

“Same,” he said lamely, and I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “Fuck you,” he said, and I backtracked as I continued to laugh.

“You always have a way with words don’t ya Omi,” I said to him and he just grumbled on the other end of the line.

“I’m hanging up.”

“No! Please Omi, just another few minutes. Tell me about your day,” I said to him and he sighed loudly.

“Nothing much to say, I had my long physiology lecture today, but at least Komori was in it, so I didn’t have to choose someone random for our partner assignment,” I love hearing him talk about his day, I don’t know why. Maybe I have been conditioned to love him more when he talks about his day after years of pining phone calls. I’ve never cared about normal day to day stuff with other partners before, but I could listen to him talk for hours and hours.

“That’s great, did you just have one class today?” I asked.

We settled into our nightly routine, usually it would be at his dorm that we would talk, but this is fine for the time being. The whole world seemed to melt away as Sakusa gave me his undivided attention for almost a half an hour. He told me about his classes, how he can get another inch higher now in pole vaulting, which still freaks the hell out of me when I go watch him, but I don’t tell him that. He told me about how he had to disinfect the dorm kitchen again because someone threw up there the other night. Just normal things, and I loved every single second of it.

“You know…” Sakusa said quietly and I waited as the conversation seemed to take a change towards a different topic. “So, it’s Homecoming weekend.”

“I do know, it’s...ya know, kind of important-.”

“Alright, well...my parents are going to be up for the weekend. And... if you wanted, and _only_ if you wanted... they’d like to meet you,” he said quickly, almost like he was afraid of me answering the question.

“Really...you want me to meet your parents,” I said breathlessly.

“Only if you want to, if you don’t-.”

“I do! I really do,” I blurted out, a stupid grin plastered on my face at his words.

We have only been officially together since June...4 months and he’s already thoroughly swept me off my feet. I kind of felt like how Atsumu did when he falls hard for someone, all giddy and excited whenever they are around. Doesn’t matter if I have to corral 15 man-children in this arcade, if Omi talks to me for a little while then that’s all that matters to me. It is all I need.

“Good, that’s...great,” he said quietly, and I knew that if I could see his face, that cute blush would appear over his facemask.

“I don’t mean to spring this on ya either, but...my Mom’s gonna be here this weekend too. She told me if I didn’t at least point ya out that I’d be disowned,” I said, and the other line was silent as I tried to awkwardly laugh.

“Sure...I wouldn't mind that,” he said, and in Omi speak that means he is very scared/excited.

“Great, that’s awesome...maybe our parents could even meet? My Ma is a very social person, she’s a lot more like Tsumu than I am, but a much better personality,” I said with a laugh and Omi hummed in agreement on the other end.

“That will work out well since my father is also very…talkative,” he said, and I could not help but sit there and smile like an idiot.

He wants me to meet his parents...he is taking this seriously. Just that thought alone made my heart soar, but I contained myself in the Chuck E’ Cheese parking lot. “I better get back before they end up tearing down the building in their wake,” I said as I stood up.

“Good luck come see me later,” he said, and I smirked.

“Is that an invitation to-.”

“Don’t push your luck,” he said, and I laughed lightly into the receiver.

“Love ya Omi, I’ll come by later tonight,” I said to him.

“Love you too,” he said, and he hung up the phone.

Omi is someone I’ve gotten used to, I know his little quirks and intricacies, I know what he’s comfortable with, and what makes him happy. Some days he allows me to touch him, others he doesn’t. I don’t mind, whatever makes it the most comfortable for him is what makes me happy...it’s all that matters. At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I walked back in and saw in the half hour I was gone the 15 large gorilla men had pushed a bunch of tables together and ordered an obscene amount of pizza and junk food. Save Atsumu who was eating a salad off to the side, always a fucking princess about his diet. At least he is eating so I’ll leave him alone.

“Samu! Where have ya been!?” Atsumu asked and I just sighed as I sat down in the open chair next to him, taking a slice of questionable pizza.

“Just on the phone,” I said, hoping that would placate these idiots, but that does not seem to be the case.

“WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!” Tanaka yelled like an annoying 12-year-old and the others made kissy faces while I rolled my eyes.

“We have a goddamn couple here!” I said pointing at Akaashi and Bokuto in the corner. Akaashi was genuinely doing his homework, while Bokuto animatedly talked to him...like as if they were in a world of their own. It would be cute if I didn’t see it _all the goddamn time_.

“Old news, it’s best to ignore instead of engaging that,” Enoshita said and the others nodded in agreement as I said and leaned back in my seat.

“Fine then who else has dirty laundry, we’re supposed to be ‘bonding’ right, so let’s dish some shit,” I said deflecting the conversation from me to someone else. Surprisingly the others looked intrigued.

“A little birdie told me…” Tendou started as his eyes peered over at a weirdly silent Kuroo. “That someone just got in a relationship,” he said it vaguely, but there was no denying who it was with his pointed stare.

“What are you talking about?” Kuroo feigned innocence, but he also looked slightly worried.

“I’m sorry, but do you think no one could hear you making out in your room, and then appearing downstairs with Kenma?” Daichi said pointedly to Kuroo, and Kuroo turned a dangerous shade of red.

“No, it’s...I mean...fuck it! Fine WE’RE TOGETHER, YOU FUCKING HAPPY!” Kuroo yelled, and the already rowdy table cheered. I was just glad all focus was off me now.

“I FUCKING TOLD YOU!” Iwaizumi yelled as he pointed at Daichi who also started to raise his voice.

“STOP SWEARING IN A CHUCK E’ CHEESE!” Daichi yelled back, and that went on for a little bit.

I couldn’t help but notice Atsumu just smiling softly next to me as he looked on. “What’s with that look?” I asked him quietly as the table erupted into chaos. Even Bokuto joined the fray, much to the dismay of Akaashi who seemed to have corralled him pretty well up to this point.

“Dunno, just...this is a much different feeling than when I was a freshman. It’s...kind of nice,” he said as he poked at his salad.

“Yeah you were the only one on the starting line up from our class, suppose it just makes sense that it’s different,” he said and I shrugged.

“Nah, like...then they were all just talking about girls they fucked, and drinking, I think a lot of it fueled my behavior these past few years. But...other than some heated air hockey competition, the most divisive thing we’ve all talked about was Kuroo getting in a relationship. It’s nice...I’m going to miss this after the season is over.”

“I suppose…” I said, unsure of what I was supposed to say to that. Atsumu has been acting a lot differently ever since his abrupt breakdown and his trip home the other week. He’s been a lot calmer, he doesn’t go to many parties anymore, I don’t even think he’s slept with anyone in a while. Maybe he’s finally grown up. “Ya know…” I started and he raised his eyebrow at me. “Someone told me you made out with a certain redhead in the park after the game the other day.”

“I would’ve gotten more if someone didn’t get crossfaded and try to jump out our window because he thought he could fly,” he said pointedly and I held up my hands.

“I apologized already ya ass,” I said as I glared at him, but he just laughed. “Come on, spill...I thought it wasn’t going well with you two,” I said to him and he sighed loudly.

“Well...to be honest I’m not sure. I know what my feelings are, I’m confident with what I want, but the same can’t be said about Shou. He’s been ignoring me ever since the kiss, so I probably fucked it up to be honest,” he said patiently, but he didn’t even seem sad. Almost like he’s fully accepted this outcome. It was...strange to say the least and it’s making me angry.

“I doubt you fucked up man, he’s been back and forth this whole time, it’s probably Kageyama or something,” I said, trying to give a vague answer to placate him.

However, the opposite effect happened as his eyes widened slightly and he turned to look at me. “Man... I’m...so fucking dumb aren’t I,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose and laughed, but it was more of a pity laugh than anything. Even I could hear the pain in his voice. “Fuck.”

“Huh? What do ya-.”

“So, Asahi where’s Nishinoya?” Atsumu asked completely ignoring me now.

“Oh, he’s still in Italy. Then heading to Macedonia after…or Bolivia I can’t remember it’s hard to keep up. But he promised to be home for a while during Christmas so that will be nice,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. It’s so strange to see this big guy acting so meek, but I’ve gotten used to it now.

“Atsumu I wasn’t done talking to ya,” I said pointedly, and Asahi looked between us quickly. A worried look forming on his face.

“You sure he’s still in Italy,” Tanaka said and now everyone turned to look at him. He was sporting a shit eating grin while elbowing Ennoshita next to him who looked like he was ready to strangle him.

“Yeah I do. I called him on Monday. He said he can’t get service, so I haven’t heard from him in a couple days, but he was in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. I don’t know where else he’d be.”

“Hey…uh…I think there’s something cool in the crane game, we should…check it out,” Chikara said and all of us looked at him pointedly.

“That’s the best you could fucking come up with,” Narita said, and Ennoshita groaned loudly.

“The crane machine? I’m terrible at that game,” Asahi said, and everyone else seemed to be on the same page except Asahi.

“But we should check it out…now,” Tanaka said suspiciously, but he was silently begging for help from everyone else at the table.

“Come on Asahi I’ll show you how it’s done,” Daichi said as he stood up and glared daggers at the other idiots who scrambled to figure out what to do now.

“What the fuck is happening?” I asked Tendou next to me, who just shrugged.

“I think we should _all go right now_ ,” Daichi said pointedly, and the rest of the team just nodded as we got up and followed them towards the crane machine.

“Hey, Atsumu after this-.”

“Sure, we’ll talk later alright, calm down,” he said as he waved me off and ran over to Aran.

This just keeps getting worse…dammit.

“I told you I’m not good at this game,” Asahi said as he stood in front of the crane machine. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the small guy Narita was smuggling into the arcade.

“Give it a shot, come on,” Daichi insisted and Asahi just sighed loudly, but nodded and swiped his arcade card.

“Ya know Noya was always good at this game. Weirdly good, he’d go every time we went on a date to the crane machine and get me some random thing I liked. I still have most of them, Noya took a couple when he went abroad,” Asahi reminisced as he focused on the machine.

“Do you want some help then?!” Noya finally exclaimed from behind him.

I don’t know how, but Asahi managed to trip over his own feet as he turned around, and Noya caught him in his arms like some stupid romance movie. “Noya?” He was also already crying.

“Hey! I missed you so I thought I’d come back early,” he said, but both of them couldn’t stop staring at each other.

“Noya…” Asahi trailed off again as he started crying and holding the shorter man in his arms.

“I’ll be around for a while Asahi. I missed you,” the shorter guy whispered to Asahi, which only made him cry harder.

“Come on let’s party! My best bro is back in the States!” Tanaka yelled and the rest of his friends cheered.

Asahi wouldn’t let go of Noya’s hand, but happily followed the guy around the arcade while Noya animatedly talked with his old childhood friends, and would sometimes whisper things to Asahi from time to time, making the bigger man blush purfousley. It was cute, and…to be honest this is the happiest I’ve seen our gentle giant in a long time. I could never understand how they do it, Noya goes all over the world, disappearing on some wild adventure for weeks at a time, but Asahi never complains once. I had asked him about it and he had said.

_This is Noya’s dream, I won’t stand in the way of the future he wants. I trust him more than anyone in the whole world. He promised me that he’ll come back, and I believe him._

I wish I could have that confidence. 

After that things went downhill quickly. Kuroo was in a heated match in street fighter against a 12-year-old and he was _losing bad_. Tendou somehow got an unfathomable amount of tickets and was cashing them in with a very confused looking employee. Noya and Tanaka were having fun challenging all of the other people in the arcade to any game. Asahi just kept smiling dumbly and taking pictures. Aone had now made 12 kids cry, and Daichi kept following behind him apologizing for making them cry. Even Iwaizumi seemed to be having fun as he and Bokuto were absolutely killing it at Dance Dance Revolution. Thankfully Akaashi was taking a video for the archives, and for Oikawa whom Akaashi told me had been messaging him all night. There was only one person who hadn’t moved from his spot next to the cold pizza.

Hours passed, and 12 large pizzas, 15 crying kids, and a soft ban of the football team from ever entering the establishment again, and we were all making our way out of the arcade towards campus. Noya had climbed onto Asahi’s back at one point, and the giant man seemed incredibly happy with this. However no one could ignore Tsumu’s sulking, and honestly when the life of the party is quiet you feel it. Everyone was quickly glancing over towards Atsumu who looked like he had a faraway look on his face.

“What’s got you down in the dumps?” Noya asked, and all of us held back laughter. Of course the only one able to ask the question everyone had was the short spitfire.

“Nothin’.”

“Bull! Come on, we all aired out our dirty laundry. I mean fucking Tendou is getting railed by Ushijima-.” Tanaka had started.

“It was YEARS AGO IN HIGH SCHOOL!” Tendou yelled, which made everyone around us laugh, but the attention was still on Atsumu as he absentmindedly kicked a rock on the sidewalk.

“Not much to say, just the usual,” He said to them and even I rolled my eyes.

“Hinata has been ignoring him since the game,” I said and everyone seemed to nod with understanding. No one caught it, but Kuroo wasn’t participating in the conversation, and he had a worried look on his face _. But I noticed_.

“Fuck off Samu,” Atsumu said, but there was no bite to his words.

“Come on, was it something I said in there? You seemed at least at peace with Hinata’s weird behavior,” I said to him and he shrugged.

“I just...something you said kind of answered a question I had, but it doesn’t matter,” he said waving me off. “We have a game to focus on, not to mention helping set up for the cultural festival,” he said with a bright smile and now it was my turn to look away in fear my guilt would show.

“Right, our last one,” I said to him and the other seniors seemed to sit quietly thinking about that.

“Right,” he said with a faraway look.

“LIGHTEN THE MOOD! YOU’LL MAKE ASAHI CRY!” Noya said, but it was much too late for that as we could already see his crocodile tears flowing down his face.

“Alright, we need to all get some rest, this asshole insisted on morning practice tomorrow,” Daichi said pointing at Atsumu and everyone else groaned loudly, staring pointedly at Atsumu who didn’t care in the least.

“It’s for a reason! I’ve got something I want to try,” he said with a wide grin and the rest of us just sighed loudly, hoping that we weren’t going to be too worn out right before one of our most important games before the season.

“I’m with Tsumu! I’m ready!” Bokuto said happily, easily bounding down the street.

I thought we were all in the clear, but then I noticed that Tendou had fallen into step next to me with one of his “looks” as I called them. I’m not sure what it was about this guy, but...there’s something very unsettling when he sets his sights on you. So I instinctively moved away from him, but he wasn’t letting up, and everyone else was noticing. It’s a good skill on the field, but right now I’d rather be literally anywhere else.

“Spit it out Tendou,” I said to him and his smile just grew wider.

“Ya know, everyone else here has spilled their secrets tonight-.”

“I did not ask if you bottomed for Ushijima in High School,” I said pointedly, but his smile did not falter.

“I thought you and Suna were together,” he said and I stared ahead.

I mean...we were, but he really doesn’t need to know that. “No, he’s my friend, and my dealer,” I said to him and he still leveled his gaze at me.

“So you’re now dating the elusive Kiyoomi, tell us about him,” he said and the others giggled like we were little kids gossiping in the lunchroom.

“What’s there to tell,” I said vaguely, and even Atsumu couldn’t contain his laughter.

“I finally got to see the guy without his face mask because you were making out in my room. He doesn’t talk to anyone, let alone do that gross shit,” Atsumu said to me with a wicked glint in his eyes and I just glared back at him.

“We have a normal relationship, nothing to report. He doesn’t even care that much about me,” I said, and the words came out before I could stop them.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Iwaizumi said, and I raised my eyebrow at him. Iwaizumi never talks about relationships, barely ever engages with the team gossip, but here he was.

“Eh, it’s not like he doesn’t care about me. That’s not what I mean, it’s...different. Like...we’re together, and he seems to trust me, but it’s like there’s a brick wall between us. He keeps me at arms length, and...it’s not just his germaphobia. It’s...something different. Like, take tonight for instance. He’ll call me, or text me, but...it’s not like he’ll stay up to talk to me. His dreams and goals come before any of this. And we’re running out of time,” I said thinking about it.

“Damn bro, that’s a lot of romantic bullshit from a stoner,” Kuroo said and everyone laughed as I punched him in the shoulder.

“Whatever man, it’s...I’m just happy to get what I can,” I said quietly, and he gave me a strange look.

“Don’t speak too soon man,” Noya said as he had climbed all the way on top of Asahi now, probably basking in the glory of being 7 feet tall now.

“What do you mean?” I asked, but I already could see someone awkwardly standing outside of the frat house.

“No fucking way,” Atsumu said and I felt myself growing redder by the second.

“OMI HEY!” Tendou had said before I could stop them and I saw the fear in his eyes as the varsity starting lineup was descending on an unsuspecting Sakusa.

“Guys stop!” I tried saying, but it was all too late.

“What brings you all the way here? 20 minutes from your apartment,” Kuroo said with his shit eating grin.

“What do you want Kuroo?” He asked quickly, but I could see he was on high alert.

“Nothing man, just...wanted to make sure you’ll get home okay, right guys,” he said to everyone else who nodded as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“I’ll be fine,” he was annoyed, and he was looking at me angrily.

“Hey Samu, why don’t you walk him home. God knows he won’t step into HAI without a pint of vodka,” Atsumu said as he pushed me forward.

“Please stop, I’m begging,” I was getting annoyed now.

“I was already planning on him leaving with me,” Omi said and I blinked at him.

It’s not like our relationship is a secret, we both tell other people that we’re together, we’re exclusive with each other, but...he’s generally against even making a hint of it when we’re in the same room with other people. So him saying this is...surprising. It’s not that I don’t think he’s taking this seriously, he asked me to meet his parents after all...but, I still have this small bit of fear in the back of my mind.

“Really?” I asked him and his eyes flickered over to me.

“Yeah, come on,” he said as he grabbed my hand and made me follow him down the sidewalk.

“Use protection!” Bokuto yelled after us and I used my free hand to rub my eyes.

“Why do you hang out with them,” he said to me and I just sighed loudly.

“I’ve been plagued with an asshole extroverted twin since birth. It’s just par for the course,” I said to him and he chuckled.

I stared down and realized we were still holding hands. “It’s pretty late, it’s fine if you wanted to go to bed. I woulda just called ya,” I said to him and he peered at me from the corner of his eye for a moment before continuing ahead.

“I wanted to see you,” he said and I tried to just process what he said.

“Really?” I asked and he stopped and turned towards me.

“Is that that hard to believe?” He asked and I blanked.

“No...no I just…” my voice trailed off as I looked at him.

“Be honest Osamu,” he said pointedly, and I shrugged as I shoved my hands in my pocket.

“I dunno, I’m not saying you don’t love me, but...I’m just surprised is all. You’ve been acting weird the past few weeks. I just...don’t quite understand because you never really want to show physical affection, and you're distant most of the time,” I said, but I widened my eyes and held up my hands. “Not that that’s a problem! I’m fine with whatever-.”

“ _That’s_ my problem,” he said, cutting me off and I stared at him.

“Huh?”

“You are always the one making sacrifices for me, you put in all the effort in this relationship and you are constantly apologizing to me, it makes me feel bad,” he said, and I just stared at him.

“What...this...doesn’t make sense,” I said to him and he grumbled again.

“You’re too nice! And passive about everything! In the four years I’ve known you, you’ve never once told me if something upset you!” He sounded exasperated and I just looked at him closely.

“Well...nothing bothered me that-.”

“Yes it does! Everyone is bothered by something! There is no way you haven’t been annoyed by me once in four years,” he said and I looked around, unsure of what to say.

“I dunno, I’ve always been a chill guy. Plus you can’t change anything about your phobias, they’re a part of who you are, and I don’t want you to change yourself. It doesn’t bother me in the least,” I said to him and he looked mad.

“Will you listen to what I’m saying,” he said in a dangerous tone. “You meant it on the phone when you said you wanted me there. And you felt hurt when I said I would never go there and backtracked saying you were fine.” _What’s this about?_ I’ve never thought Kiyoomi was confrontational, but here I am.

“It was an offhand comment, and I know being in big groups makes you uncomfortable so I didn’t want you to feel bad, so I apologized.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” He said louder than I’ve probably heard him talk in the last year. “You shouldn’t always have to accommodate me, it makes me feel terrible _constantly_ ,” he sounded sad.

“Well...tell me how I can fix it then,” I said to him.

“This isn’t something for _you_ to fix!” He said loudly and I just blinked at him.

“Hey, hey there’s no reason we’re arguing out in the cold. Why don’t we go back to your place and talk,” I said to him, not knowing what to do. I can’t reach forward to comfort him; I can’t seem to fix this problem with conversation. It’s up to him, and I just have to follow.

He didn’t say anything but turned and left. He didn’t leave me in the dust though, so he obviously wanted me to follow him. He even waited for me at the door instead of locking me outside, so he’s not mad enough to kill me outside. I quietly followed him up to the 3rd floor and we walked into his room. I’ve been here more times than I can count, I don’t even smell the disinfectant anymore. Ever since we started dating, I started leaving things here that he would allow. He even made me a space in one of his drawers for extra clothes, books, and other things. I usually feel very at ease here, but I stood awkwardly in the center of the room as he sat on the bed, glaring at me.

“I’ll always listen, just talk to me. Is something making you anxious? I promise I didn’t tell the guys to haze you like that,” I said to him and he just sighed.

“No, it’s nothing about that.”

“Alright...if ya don’t explain it to me I won’t understand. I grew up in the south, you know I didn’t have a good education,” I said to him and I could tell that made him crack a smile.

“I...I wasn’t sure when we were close if I should even get together with you,” he said and I felt the panic setting in as he talked...is he breaking up with me? “I honestly don’t know why you put up with me when I can’t give you the things you want,” he said finally, and I just blinked at him.

“What are you talking about? You are more than enough, every day with you is fantastic, so I’m not sure why you’d think like this. If...if you think breaking up is what you need to do then...that’s what you need to do,” I said to him and his eyes got impossibly wide.

“See...that shit. I could never make a decision like that, I’m too selfish. I want what I don’t deserve and it’s killing me,” he said as he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face away from me.

I finally decided that I couldn’t just stand and watch him tear himself apart. So I took off my jacket and my shoes. I slowly walked forward towards him. He didn’t move, but he didn’t reject me as I climbed up onto the bed and sat next to him, letting him get comfortable with the proximity. But before I could even try to close the distance he rolled over to sit on my lap, as he looked at me directly.

“You don’t have to force yourself, it doesn’t bother me,” I reassured him, and he just sighed.

He took off his face mask, and I saw that he was not frowning at me, in fact he looked at me with something akin to longing. He finally reached down and kissed me, I let him take the lead as I usually do, and I felt like he was melting into me. He grabbed my hands, and placed them on his hips, and I was surprised as he didn’t shudder when he felt my hands on his waist. I pressed gently to see if it would be a problem, but surprisingly he moaned against me.

“I want you to touch me...only you,” he said quietly as he was impossibly close to me.

“But...you don’t have to push yourself-.”

He put a finger on my lips, causing me to widen my eyes at how bold he was being. “I’m not pushing myself...all those fears, and anxieties...I feel them less and less with you. I... _want_ to touch you. I don’t want you to sacrifice things you want because of me. I’ll go to parties with you, I’ve been going to games now too,” he seemed hesitant, so I just listened and nodded along as he talked. “I’m...I want you to be honest with me about this in the future. It doesn’t hurt my feelings if you think I’m being rude or unreasonable, these are things I have to work on,” he said, and I just smiled as I leaned forward and hugged his midsection.

“I’ll tell you again, that stuff doesn’t bother me, and I mean that truthfully,” I said cutting off his response. “But I’d like it if you come to my games more often, or maybe just come out to some group events with the guys. But only what you are comfortable with. We’ll take it slow,” I said to him and he just sighed as he leaned down and kissed me again.

“You’re too good for me Osamu…” he kissed me again, leaning in deeper this time.

“I just love ya, you’re easy to love.”

“Enough with the sappy stuff, I think that took almost 10 years off my life,” he said and I chuckled as I laid him gently down on the bed kissing along his neck slowly.

“Sounds good to me, can we…” I trailed off as I looked at him hopefully and he sighed as he leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I suppose, I don’t have any competitions this week,” he said, and I chuckled as I nipped at his collar bone lightly.

“Good to hear,” I said with a smirk as he reached up to take off my shirt.

Skin to skin, mouth to mouth, any type of interaction between us is beautiful in my mind. Growing up people always called me passive. I turned down almost every confession, boy or girl alike. I didn’t care much about friends, content with the other guys on the team and I didn’t ask for anything else. I knew I wasn’t asexual, or aromantic, just...none of those things really mattered to me. I didn’t understand what I could accomplish with a partner that I couldn’t just do myself. But...everything changed with Omi.

The feel of his hands on my skin makes my skin set on fire, I feel lust, desire, affection, unbridled love. This feeling is still something strange to me, but god I can’t get enough of it. Maybe I’m stupid, or I’m just a horny teenager who finally understands what sex is, but...I don’t want this with anyone other than Kiyoomi. I suppose the feeling is mutual.

I woke up in the morning, cleaner than I expected. Omi must have gotten up in the night to clean us off. Always the germaphobe...but I don’t mind. I smiled as I saw him sleeping peacefully next to me on the bed, and I wanted to stay there for the rest of my god damn life, but I had to head out for morning practice. We’re nearing the game on Saturday night and I was worried about it. Especially how Atsumu would react upon seeing Hinata when we go to help tomorrow night to set up for the cultural festival.

“Go back to sleep,” Omi grumbled, and I laughed as I ran my fingers through his hair. I leaned down and kissed him tenderly before sitting back up.

“Can’t love, I have to go to practice. Atsumu wants to try this fucking ridiculous move again...so he insisted we have more practice. I’m about this close to killing that rat bastard,” I said angrily. Omi just laughed softly, and sat up as well.

“I can walk with you,” he offered as I pulled on my clothes again.

I smiled and walked over to give him a kiss. “Don’t bother I have to go back to my room to get my shit for practice anyways. So you stay and get your beauty rest,” I said to him and he rolled his eyes, but sat back against the headboard.

“Fine...call me later,” he said, and it was not a question.

“Gotcha,” I said with a dramatic salute before I pulled on my pants and waved as I ran out the door.

Morning practice was brutal. Not only was it 6AM practice, but it was incredibly difficult to get the timing right on this stupid play he wanted to do. It’s already a miracle we even managed to pull it off...he probably wants to do it to spite Kageyama. While I don’t blame him, I’m no Hinata. So I left practice feeling sore, and completely drained. And of course, on Thursdays I have a full day of business classes, 5 to be exact. Plus there was our team workout during lunch break and catching up with a group project in the library after school. Not to mention continually having all my teachers, friends, and other students wish me luck on the big game on Saturday. Mounting pressure was eating away at my ability to remain calm.

“You look ready to snap,” Omi said as he opened his door and I just sighed loudly as I walked in and flung myself on the bed.

“Is it really one more day? I want this weekend to be over with...now preferably,” I said and when I didn’t hear anything behind me I lifted my face to look at Omi.

“Um...is this a bad time to say that my parents want to have dinner with you...tomorrow?” He asked me, and I quickly sat up.

“No! That’s great, that doesn’t stress me out in the least strangely enough,” I said to him, and that made Omi laugh so all was good with the world.

“Good, glad I can be of service,” he said, and I faltered for a moment.

“What time?” I asked thinking about all that I must get done tomorrow. Not to mention the secret hair appointment I schedule all the way across town so no one will see me getting my hair dyed. It’s not...like it’s not incredibly obvious that my silver hair is fake...but I still maintain some semblance of pride.

“7, if you’re busy you can-.”

“Nah that’s perfect,” I said to him with a smile.

I was at least thankful all classes were canceled on Friday. Not only was Homecoming a huge event, but most of the student body was also involved in some capacity. The marching band had their final drills, the student marketing team was setting up the final promotions for the game. Not to mention the student council single handedly coordinating the football game, pep rally, tailgate, and the cultural fair all in one weekend. That is probably why Hinata is ignoring Atsumu, the poor guys probably stressed out of his mind. That’s...gotta be the reason.

“You promised to tell me if something is bothering you Osamu,” he said, and I blinked as I came back from my deep state of thought.

“Oh yeah, sorry Omi,” I said as I took a deep breath. “I’m just worried about Atsumu. I...think I made a mistake,” I said to him and he sat down next to me.

“Want to talk about it?” I’m not sure if I do. Omi is Hinata’s mentor on the track team, and past sleeping partner, and close friend...would he think differently about me if I told him what I did?

“Uh...I may or may not have convinced Hinata to talk to Atsumu. This was before Atsumu’s breakdown and everything. I just...I didn’t know what else to do. So I promised to have the whole football starting lineup help put up the cultural festival tomorrow. But...it’s all going wrong. Not only was Atsumu able to pick himself up, and Hinata looked like he was going to meet him halfway it’s all gone to shit now. I don’t know what I said, but something I said made Atsumu mad at the arcade yesterday, and he hasn’t been the same since. I’m...worried,” I said, and Omi just slowly placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to give me some comfort.

“You care a lot about Atsumu, anyone can see that you were just trying to do something good.”

“That asshole can’t take care of himself. I fucking volunteered to be in the same room as that bastard for another four years because if I didn’t, he was gonna fall off the deep end. He doesn’t understand the concept of “slowing down” doesn’t know when to take a break, he wouldn’t know how to. So, when he sets his sights on someone it’s an all-consuming fixation. Not to mention that this certain fixation has been years in the making, only making the inevitable failure that much worse. I’m worried if Hinata really was to reject him, and actually stick to it. That it would ruin Atsumu,” I said helplessly.

“Either way it wouldn’t be your fault, this is out of your hands.”

“So, what am I supposed to do,” I said, turning to look at Omi who was all too calm in this situation. “Atsumu will be pissed when he finds out the only reason Hinata is talking to him is because I basically paid him to do it. Then if he gets rejected not only is he sad because Hinata hates him, I’m also the worst brother for pushing them to this point. I’m fucking stupid,” the mounting pressure around me, the big game, the professional contracts I’ve yet to even look at, the looming prospect of not having football practice every day, graduation, Omi finally leaving me, all of these things felt like screaming in my mind. Making me want to just stop, to throw away all the scary ideas, and let myself wither.

“Osamu, hey...look at me please,” Omi said quietly.

“No,” I said, and Omi laughed, his hand resting lightly on my jaw, turning me to look at him.

“Atsumu won’t be pissed. I’m going to be honest Osamu, I’m pretty sure he already knows,” Omi said, and I closed my eyes. “But...it’s all par for the course. Hinata...is an interesting case. I am sure it will not end out the way you’ve imagined in your mind. Things might be a lot more different than you’d imagine,” he reassured me, and I sighed.

“What is he gonna do when I’m not there to watch him anymore?” I asked him.

“Atsumu was able to pick himself up, and he’s better for it. Let him try, and even if he does fail, he knows we’ll all be there for him.” Omi said and I sighed as I leaned forward, pressing my face into his chest.

“I hate that you’re seeing me like this,” I huffed out, and smiled as I felt him laugh, the steady vibrations from his chest radiated to my very core. I love this so much.

“Enough sulking, come on,” Omi said as he let me go and stood up. I watched curiously as he walked to the dresser and pulled out socks and some joggers as he changed.

“Ya going somewhere Omi?” I asked him curiously.

“I wanna go on a run, and... maybe ice cream,” he said staring pointedly at me and I smiled as I hopped to my feet. That is his way of saying he wants to go on a date, and I’m more than happy to agree.

“Sounds great Omi,” I said as we both changed and walked out of the room, idly holding pinkies like some school grade crush.

I got up early the next morning and got breakfast for Omi at his favorite place, and even my hair appointment went great, but nothing could have prepared me for the ensuing chaos I would experience back at the frat house. It seemed like all of HAI and KYU had descended on the premises, and in the epicenter of this explosion of stupid stood all 5 foot and 2 inches of Yuu Nishinoya.

“Is... that carpet?” I asked, pointing at the haphazard pile of carpet piled outside on the back deck.

“Samu! You’re alive, we thought Omi had you chained in his room or something,” Kuroo said with a shit eating grin, even though his boyfriend was literally in his lap.

“We all have to go help with the cultural fair in 30 minutes. I need to change,” I said ignoring the jeers and running up to my room.

I heard the commotion start up again as I made it to the second floor, but I was more surprised to find Atsumu in our room. He was even sitting at his barely used desk drawing out something on paper. He cocked his head when he heard the door open and didn’t bother a response as he went back to his work when I walked in.

“I didn’t think you’d be here; thought you’d be downstairs with the others?” I said to him and he shrugged absentmindedly.

“Nah, had enough of that after they managed to steal all of the carpeting from KYU,” he said, and I groaned loudly as I set my things down and found some other clothes. “How’s Omi?”

I peered at him curiously. “Fine, he...wants me to meet his parents tonight,” I said to him, and that made Atsumu set his pencil down as he turned towards me.

“Really? That’s great Samu, I’m...really happy for you,” he said with a soft smile and I cringed as I saw him.

“You look creepy when you talk all sincere like that,” I said and the smile disappeared, his mouth formed a tight line as he narrowed his eyes on me.

“Fuck you Samu, I’s being all sincere and shit,” he said and I laughed.

“Like I said, it’s creepy,” I said and Atsumu flicked me off, but he didn’t turn back to his paper as he kept his eyes trained on me. “Are...you coming today?” I asked him, not wanting to broach the subject, but I knew I’d have to eventually. Probably best to rip the bandage of now rather than later and have him have a public breakdown.

“Yeah...course I am,” he said, his eyes slightly darted away from me.

“You know...don’t you,” I said slowly, not bothering to act distracted anymore. Face it head on, I can handle him being pissed at me. We’ll work through it.

“Of course, I do, I’m not an idiot. But...in a weird way I’m glad you did. Shou would have avoided me for the rest of his life if he didn’t get a push towards me. Even though ya shouldn’t have done it, I can’t be too mad at you. Plus I’m a man who keeps his word, and we all know those scrawny pipsqueaks on the student council need our help,” he said pretending to flex as he tried to steer us away from the looming depressing topics, but...it didn’t work.

“What are you going to do?” I asked him and he sighed as he leaned back in his chair.

“I’m not gonna go on a temper tantrum before the game idiot. So stop worrying. I’m more than aware Shou’s got a lot on his plate right now, I can’t imagine how busy he is. Whether…” he looked like he was going to start saying something, but it got stuck in his throat the moment he tried. So he just sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. “If he rejects me, he rejects me. I can move on, I’m stronger than I was before. Even if I’m always the second choice,” he said to me and I stared at him realizing that he really wasn’t saying this to me, but to himself.

“Are you sure you’re Atsumu, that sounded far too grown up to be him,” I said and he flicked me off again as he turned back to his desk.

“Always ruining our sentimental moments aren’t ya,” I rolled my eyes as I changed into some work clothes and tried to figure out what I was going to wear to meet his parents tonight. “Ya know...I’ve noticed you haven’t even looked at any of the offers you’ve gotten,” Atsumu said pointing to my desk, and the stack of mail next to it.

“I’ll get to it. We need to win the championship before I focus on that,” I said to him and he turned his head to look at me for a moment over his shoulder.

“We’ve got that twin telepathy ya know, I know you’re not telling me the truth.”

“Don’t use the twin card on me right now, I’m way too stressed out about meeting Omi’s parents to deal with this.”

“Ya know...it’s fine if you don’t want to continue doing football.” When he said it there was a heavy silence that pervaded the room. “I mean...I’d be a little sad cuz I’m not sure if there’s another wide receiver for me like ya, but...it’s fine. This is all temporary anyways. I’ll probably only be able to play until I’m 40. That’s only half my life, what do you do with the rest of it?” He said and I couldn’t help but wonder what’s gotten into him lately.

“You’re speaking way too philosophically lately. Get changed dumbass and let’s go,” I said and he smiled and nodded as he got up. Thankfully he didn’t bring up anything about the future. I’m fairly sure I couldn’t handle it if he did. I’ve got lots of worries, but there’s a large one looming in the distance and I’d rather ignore it until it’s too late.

The whole starting lineup showed up to the quad where they were setting up. An incredibly relieved Suga and Hinata ran over to Daichi, Kita, and Akaashi who agreed to oversee the team. Yet I couldn’t help but notice how Hinata wasn’t just staying away from Atsumu, he was acting like he didn’t even exist. It was...making me angry to say the least.

“Alright, come on guys you heard em, get to work,” Daichi said, and everyone nodded as we all set out to do our different tasks.

Some of the bigger guys like Bokuto and Iwaizumi helped put up the different stands, Kuroo and some of the 3rd years went off decorating, while Asahi and Noya ran around campus putting up posters and guides towards the event. With the football team’s help we managed to get everything done in record time. I even had a couple hours before I needed to pick up Omi from his dorm. But as the appointed “Mom” of the team I grimaced, knowing I was going to have to do something about the incredibly thick tension in the air around my stupid brother and Hinata.

“I can’t believe it’s all done!” A shorter girl yelled next to Hinata who smiled at her.

“I know! It’s great, we never could have done it without you guys!” Hinata said with a bright grin, not like he’s the one who struck a bargain for this or anything.

“It actually wasn’t that bad, maybe we’ll make it a yearly thing,” Daichi said, and the others on the team nodded.

“I’ll go tell Kiyoko that we’ve got it done!” The short girl yelled as she waved and ran off. I couldn’t help but notice Suga and Hinata sharing a knowing look before turning back to us.

“Thanks again for your help, and good luck tomorrow at the game, we’ll all be cheering you on!” Hinata said, easily turning back into professional mode in an instant. It makes me wonder how long he’s been lying about being fine for. It was just easier to pretend like all his problems didn’t exist than if they did, but I can only assume.

“No problem,” Bokuto said as he walked forward and hugged Hinata. “Anything for my son!” Bokuto said, and the group huddle laughed as we started to disperse. I however could not help but notice Atsumu was rooted to the spot, staring pointedly at Hinata. This had been the closest either of them had been to each other since they kissed last week. Would I do the same if I was in Atsumu’s place. Wouldn’t you just go up and talk to him?

“Did you need something Osamu?” He asked me, and I noticed as I was watching Atsumu, everyone other than Suga and Daichi were left. I could see Atsumu’s defeated look as he walked away.

_I can’t take this shit anymore._

“Why are you doing this?” I asked him, and I saw the bright aura slightly falter as I let the words out. I was very angry, and tired, and stressed out. No one deserves this treatment.

“Well...because we had a deal, and-.”

“Doesn’t matter, he knows anyways,” I said to him and he looked away from me. “Look, before I made this deal it was because I was worried about the team’s success. Now...this is _me_ talking to you directly,” I said to him and I saw Suga and Daichi walk over, looking like they were ready to interject, but Hinata just shook his head and gave them a weak smile before turning back to me.

“Fine,” he said quietly.

“I know you might have not had the best past in relationships, and before you ask no one told me anything about it. I can just see it, it’s apparent in everything you do. However,” I said pointedly. “You can’t keep fucking over Atsumu like this, it’s unfair and cruel. You’re hurting him,” I said pointedly and Hinata just stared at me wide eyed. “He still fucking came to help after you ignored his existence all week, just in the hopes you’d give him a fucking moment of your time and you still ignored him. You didn’t even say hi or thank you. You let him walk home with nothing, maybe even less than before since you managed to pick away at what little pride he has left.” I could see the tears brimming at the corners of his eyes, but I didn’t care anymore. I was mad...madder than I have been in a while. “So cut it out, cut him off so we all can move on. If you don’t love him, then he deserves a chance with someone who can.”

The silence between us felt heavy, like a crushing weight on both of us, but I didn’t care. I needed to protect Atsumu, he doesn’t need to be hurt because this dumbass can’t make up his mind. “I...never meant to hurt him I-.”

“I don’t care,” I said finally, and he looked up at me surprised. “I’m not like your little group of friends letting this happen. You probably have your reasons, and they probably are valid reasons, but I _don’t care_. You hurt him, more than anyone has. He didn’t even get this sad when our Dad left,” I threw it in, but that seemed to hit Hinata hard. “He’s been pining after you for fucking years and you just kicked him to the curb. It makes me sick,” I said and now I know I was being mean, but he’s my brother. I don’t care if Hinata’s hurt, just not Atsumu. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick up the pieces this time.

“I understand,” Hinata said quietly, the tears dripping down his face hit the pavement with a thud too loud to be possible.

“Osamu, that was pretty harsh,” Daichi said to me as he put a hand on my shoulder.

I brushed his hand away and trained my eyes on Hinata. “He wouldn’t be acting like this if I wasn’t the first person who said this to him,” even as I said it I knew I was right as he started crying harder. “I’m not here to coddle him, like the rest of you. I’m a concerned brother. I seem to be the only god damn person who cares about what Atsumu is feeling in this situation. I regret making this deal with you, so I hope you’re happy with yourself,” I directed my vitriol towards him, the anger, stress, and worry easily bubbled to the surface. Finally, the person of my frustrations was right in front of me.

“I’m not happy with myself,” he spat at me, the former sadness turned into anger. “I never meant to hurt him, none of this was just so I could fuck him over and move on.”

“Well, you did, that’s exactly what you’re doing. Or are you going to lie to me and tell me the two of you are going to get together, and live happily ever after?” I spat back at him. I saw the anger drop from his face as he gritted his teeth and looked away from me. “Exactly, I’m not stupid. Save us all the fucking trouble and get it over with,” I said as I turned away from him, he pisses me off with this wishy-washy personality. Make a choice and live with the consequences.

“What was that about?” Daichi asked me as he jogged to catch up with me.

I looked back and saw Suga consoling Hinata who was now full-on sobbing against his chest. I felt briefly bad about it, but it doesn’t matter. “Just what I said. Atsumu...he’s not as calm as he says he is. He’s fragile to love, making connections with people is something he struggles with, and letting himself be vulnerable with someone is incredibly rare. I’m pretty sure he has never opened up to anyone other than Ma and me,” I slowed down my pace as Daichi walked next to me. “But then he trusted that guy, and he let himself be swept off his feet. Shou can do no fucking wrong, it’s all Atsumu’s fault. He tells me every day how he doesn’t deserve love, how he doesn’t think Hinata has done anything wrong, but he has. It makes me sick the way he’s been going back and forth with Atsumu for over 2 months now. If he doesn’t want to be with him, cut it off and leave it alone. He needs to be allowed to move on, but he _can’t_. He’s like a dog that’s chained up outside and wishes he could be with the person he loves,” My fists were clenched so tight at my sides my knuckles were turning white.

“You’re right...and...I’m actually kind of glad you said it. I don’t think anyone else had the courage to do it,” he said, and I sighed, letting the anger subside as I tried to focus on something else.

“I just want Atsumu to be happy, and he’s not happy now,” I said to Daichi who nodded.

“It was the same with Suga and I, but...different,” he said, and I turned to look at him. A fond smile appeared over his face, and he ran his fingers through his hair as he seemed almost a little embarrassed thinking about these fond memories. “Suga and I were friends in middle school, we lived down the street from each other, and then we ended up at the same middle school. We did everything together and settled into almost this domestic relationship. Always staying at each other’s sides...but I would not confirm what we were both thinking. I actually rejected Suga when he asked me if I would date him,” he turned really red saying that. “I mean...it seemed silly. Why would this cool, smart guy, want to date me? A guy who is averagely good at football, and averagely attractive. I did not think I was worthy of being with him. So, I rejected the one thing I wanted... _for him_.”

“So how did it work out then?” I asked him and his eyes darted away from me.

“Do you want the NSFW or the SFW version?”

“Both.”

“Well...the SFW version would be that...we realized it was more painful to be friends than it was to be together. And...to be honest I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else. It’s like my person was right there, like his family moving down the street was a preordained event. Because we were always meant to meet, I can’t go against fate like that,” he chuckled softly.

“And the NSFW version?”

He turned slightly red again and laughed loudly this time. “Suga really likes Tequila, and he went a little hard one new year at my house in the 10th grade when my parents had gone away on a trip and we were home alone.”

“That’s not really that bad,” I said to him and he smirked.

“I did not partake in any alcohol that evening, and... he decided to give me a blow job, and... I did not stop him,” he said, and I groaned pinching my nose. “I was so worried he’d hate me, so I stayed up all night after he passed out and groveled on my hands and knees in the morning. Literally,” he said and now it was my turn to laugh. “But he didn’t want me to apologize. He said he was glad he could finally do what he has always wanted to do. He asked me if I wanted to just stay friends, if I was content just standing near him instead of by his side. I couldn’t hold it back anymore, and it all came out. How much I loved seeing him laugh, how it calmed me seeing him in the stands at every game, how beautiful he looks, how much I love him...all of these things were being held inside me, until I let it out and there was no way I could contain it. He just smiled and told me he felt the same...and the rest is history.”

We both walked in silence for a moment as I mulled over what he said, and he smiled contently as we made our way back towards the frat house. “I’m not going to apologize to Hinata if that’s what this is about,” I said to Daichi and he laughed and shook his head as he turned to look at me again.

“Nah, I... don’t tell Suga, but I agree with you,” I laughed at the small comment, but motioned for him to continue. “We just have to watch what happens this weekend, to be honest...I think it’ll make things easier for Atsumu if Hinata rejects him. He has been conflicted about where he wants to go after university. This might push him towards his future instead of dwelling on the past.”

“See this is why you’re the Dad of the team _Dadchi_ ,” I said, and he glared at me.

“Fine I’ll never give advice again,” he said, but I just rolled my eyes and threw my arm over his shoulder. Daichi and I were friends, at least I’d consider we are. We’ve been on the same team, same major, even in the same damn house for four years. I wonder what next year will look like without him.

“I gotta run Daichi,” I said when we finally got to the house. He just nodded and waved as I ran up the stairs.

“I expect to hear a full report tomorrow!” He yelled after me and I smiled as I got to my room.

Even though I was feeling better I opened the door and saw Atsumu sitting on his bed. What was worse is he was sitting in the corner of the room facing the wall, not moving. I’m pretty sure if I let him he’d probably waste away in that spot. He didn’t move when I opened the door, nor when I walked over to him. So I stood there waiting for a response.

“What?” He asked finally and I just stood there waiting.

“This isn’t strange to you...? Normal people don’t stare at the corner of the room unmoving unless there’s something wrong,” I said to him calmly.

“It’s...not like I didn’t expect it to go that way today,” he said after an uncomfortable amount of time. “I just...thinking about it and having him genuinely ignore me are two different things. So today was...just a lot for me to handle,” he said quietly, and I sighed as I sat down next to him on the bed.

“That’s fine, I was pissed about it too,” he turned to look at me briefly before resuming his moping.

“You don’t need to worry so much Samu, don’t you have to go meet your boyfriend's parents or something,” he said casually trying to get me to leave the topic alone, but I couldn’t.

“I can’t let you sulk like this. I know it’s a strange concept, but I do care about you,” he didn’t even laugh when I said that, just a sad pitiful smile.

“Yeah, I know Samu. I’ll be fine. Really… I told you before that if he rejects me, I’ll be okay. I just have to wait until he confirms the inevitable,” Atsumu said to me.

“We’ll win tomorrow alright,” I placed my hand on his shoulder for a moment. “So just focus on the game.”

“I got it alright, the team captain will be raring to go tomorrow. Just let me sulk for one night,” he said to me and I nodded.

“Fine, but I’ll come get you in the morning just in case,” I said to him as I walked over to my side of the room.

“Ya ain’t my Dad Samu.”

“It was a threat Atsumu.”

“I got it Samu! Just get going already,” he said, and I felt slightly relieved that he was at least responding now.

“Fine. Call me if you need me,” I grabbed my things to go to the shower.

I spent a long time in the shower, trying to calm down. The pressure felt like it’s been mounting for weeks, and damn Atsumu had to bring up about the professional offers. It would be good money, and it’s not like I hate football, but…. it’s not what I want to do. I don’t enjoy this; I just do this as more of an obligation to my brother. I don’t even think I got the same offers he has for teams. So, it seems pointless to even think about it. But then there’s the larger question…. what do I do after college? Will Omi still stay with me? Will Atsumu be mad at me? I hate this…I hate not knowing what to do, and not being able to process this mounting anxiety. So, I just choked back the worry and finished showering.

I don’t admit it often, Atsumu talks about it more than enough for the both of us, but…I’m fairly attractive. I’m tall, lean, tan, everything put together I would fall under the category of generally attractive. But Omi was on a whole other level. He’s slightly taller than me, in perfect shape, beautiful pale skin, and that jaw line…his pink lips. All of it is just gorgeous, more than I can even explain. Maybe that makes me a simp…I’ll take it.

“You are not wearing that,” Atsumu said as I pulled out a shirt.

“Huh?” I asked turning around to see him still sitting in the corner but facing me instead of the wall.

“You wear the same god damn thing to every event since we were in middle school. No way is that what you’ll show his parents on your first meeting,” he said, and I groaned.

“It’s all I have dumbass.”

“Well good for you that you’ve got a twin who wears the same exact size,” he said as he got up and started to rifle through his closet.

“I don’t want anything too fancy, or-.”

“I know Samu, just sit down and handle it,” he said as he started throwing some clothes at me.

After a grueling 30 minutes of figuring this out, and then Atsumu _insisting_ on styling my hair I came out looking…rather good. Navy pants with a white button up, and the nice shoes I’ve been saving for a fancy event. My hair looked good too, but I wouldn’t give Atsumu the satisfaction of admitting that. “Go on, he’ll be waiting,” Atsumu said as he pushed me towards the door once he was satisfied with my look.

I held onto the door and turned back towards him. “Are ya going to be okay? For real, I can stay if you need me. Omi won’t mind,” I said to him and he just sighed loudly and shook his head.

“Nah…I’ll be fine. Honestly…you can I both know I’ve gotta find a way to live without you soon right,” he said, and that really wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Atsumu, I-.”

“Not tonight, go have fun. Ma’s gonna be here tomorrow morning anyways, so don’t do anything too crazy tonight,” he pushed me again and I tried to hold back my worry.

“Fine fine, but seriously call me if you need me…I’ll answer.”

“Got it Dad, go,” he waved at me before closing the door and I walked down the hallway and down the stairs towards the door.

I was planning on going to Omi’s to pick him up, but I was surprised again to see him waiting for me. He looked good tonight, a printed shirt underneath a green sweater, and some nice jeans, even his face mask matched his sweater. I had seen his collection one day and I was genuinely surprised by the sheer amount that he has. He said they were gifts…but I’m also not an idiot. He heard me walking towards him and raised his eyebrow as I smiled at him.

“You look gorgeous,” I said to him as I leaned over and kissed the outside of his mask.

“What about you? I don’t think I’ve seen you in dress pants once in my life,” he said as we made our way down the street.

“I thought I looked good.”

“You do.”

“I always love your honesty Omi,” I said as I placed my hand into his back pocket like I’d seen in those 80’s movies…or _To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before_. But he doesn’t know I’ve seen that movie…

“You’ve been a lot bolder lately,” he said, and I took my hand off of him.

“Sorry, you just said it was fine to touch you and-.”

He grabbed my hand and put it back on his ass. “Calm down.”

“Sorry,” I said, and we walked quietly down the street.

Even though I was trying to calm down I just felt the mounting pressure. Not to mention my Ma’s gonna be here tomorrow morning, which means I’ll have to deal with two loud extroverts for hours. Maybe I should have taken Suna up on that weed offer. But it’s probably not a good idea to get high before one of the biggest games of the year…and my last homecoming. Oh, fuck Hinata is going to be there, the class President has to give some big speech or something. Dammit.

“What’s wrong?” Omi asked and I peered over at him.

“Just…kinda stressed out,” I said lamely, and he slowed down.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Osamu…something is bothering you. I can hear your teeth grinding and it’s frightening.”

“I…there’s just…a lot going on. I kind of…went off on Hinata today,” I said to him.

“I heard.”

“What?” I asked, completely stopping now, and turning towards him.

“I’m on the group chat, Suga was…angry to say the least,” he said, and I sighed as I rubbed my forehead. An action I’ve been doing more and more lately.

“I couldn’t help it…I’m pissed off. And all anyone can ever fucking say to me is that Atsumu is the bad guy, Atsumu’s coming on too strong, Atsumu is an asshole, Atsumu this, Atsumu that. It’s all bullshit, and I couldn’t stand it once we were there helping today. He needed to hear it. I don’t care if everyone else hates me,” It felt nice to blurt it out, like I was finally letting go of the pent-up anger inside me. Years and years of compressing my emotions down into a tiny box and I was finally hitting my limit.

“I know this isn’t the point, but I’m kind of excited to see you getting worked up over something.” I groaned even louder as I looked up at the sky.

“Sorry…it’s…just been a lot. Not only is it that drama, but Nishinoya appeared out of nowhere so the house is a nightmare. Atsumu already found out I don’t want to play football professionally. My Ma’s coming tomorrow, and I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and-.” My voice stopped as I looked at Omi, and he seemed confused that I stopped so abruptly.

“And…” he wanted me to continue, but the words sat in my throat uncomfortably.

_And what if you leave me when we graduate?_

“Nothing,” I said slapping my face lightly to ground myself again. Shove everything in that little box, I don’t have to deal with it right now…I don’t want to.

“You don’t have to hide things from me Osamu…I thought we were past that,” he said again, and I just stared at him.

“It’s not that Omi…I just…” I tried to form the words, but nothing was coming out. “Can we talk about this some other time. I don’t want to make your parents wait,” I said hoping this distraction would work. Plus, we’re only about a block from the restaurant, which also made my anxiety shoot up. Just another thing to add to the mounting list of things causing my problems right now.

“Osamu, hey,” he grabbed both my hands and I just looked at him wide eyed. “Talk to me, I don’t care if we’re late. If you can’t handle this, that’s fine. They’ll understand,” he said softly to me and I sighed loudly.

“I…I worry about the future constantly. I don’t know what I’m going to do…and…I don’t know…who’s going to be there when I graduate,” I said almost too quiet to hear.

“Oh…” he also seemed surprised, at least he knew what I meant so I wouldn’t have to say it again. If I did, I’d just prefer for him to push me into oncoming traffic. But…I’ll stay, he’ll listen. Even if he says this is over in 8 months…at least I got to spend time with him. I got his affection, even if it was fleeting.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s not even something I need to think of right now and-.”

“I’ll be there.” He interrupted me and he leaned closer to me.

“Huh?” I asked dumbly as he let go to pull down his mask.

“I don’t have any plans on leaving you Osamu…not now…not ever,” he said and I didn’t object as he pressed his lips to mine. Even though he was slightly taller I ended up pushing him back onto the wall. I loved this feeling, and…somehow just those few words took away most of my anxiety. Wherever I go after university…he’ll be there too.

“Ahem,” someone said and both of us stopped and turned to see a man and a woman standing next to us. I felt Omi go stiff as he gently pushed me back.

“Mom…and Dad,” Omi said and now it was my turn to go red.

“Well…why don’t we go in.” His Dad was smiling, but his eyes were narrowed on me.

“Please kill me,” I whispered to Omi who just smacked my arm, and we followed his parents towards the restaurant.

“I just promised to be with you for a long time, if I die tonight, you’re coming with me,” he said, and I stifled a laugh as we nervously walked in together.

“That strangely makes me feel better,” I said to him and he rolled his eyes.

“Plus after we can-.”

“I can hear you,” his Mother said as she turned back to look at us and I paled. She was beautiful…and looked a lot like her son. Even the beauty marks were in the same place.

“God dammit,” I said as I rubbed my forehead and his mother quietly laughed.

I couldn’t help but look at Omi’s parents…successful, beautiful, still together after all this time. I somehow imagined Kiyoomi and I like that…someday coming to meet our kid’s partner. Omi’s the beautiful one, and I’m the talkative one. A domestic sense of fondness that transcends language and any barrier. I can do anything with him by my side. I can deal with this Atsumu situation, I can handle not continuing onto football professionally, I can…pursue my dream of cooking. I can make friends that are my own and not my brothers…and I can be with the person I love. The person I love…the word comes easily to me. Easier than I thought it would. I didn’t even hold back when I told Omi I love him…because I do, pride be dammed. I love this guy so much it hurts.

“You okay? We can go if you want, you still look a little anxious,” Omi said before we got to our table.

I took his hand and squeezed it gently, my smile coming easily. “With you by my side…I’ll be just fine.”

I could see the blush under his face mask, and he coughed briefly and nodded as he turned away from me. “Great…anything you need though…just ask alright,” he said.

“With you, I’m not afraid anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww, so cute!  
> Does anyone want to see the rest of the dinner with Omi's parents? I had it written out, but this thing was already like 15,000 words so I was like I don't want you guys to be freaked if I posted too much lol.  
> Also of COURSE I HAD TO INCLUDE ASANOYA YOU THOUGHT I'D FORGET BUT OF COURSE I WOULDN'T BRUH  
> Either way look forward to a chapter soon. The next one is the big day, HOMECOMING! Lots of things are gonna go down, and I might end up splitting it into 2 parts since it's such a large word count right now. But look forward to Hinata and Atsumu's mess of a relationship right now. It'll get better I promise! But we ain't even a quarter of the way through. Thanks for reading, your kudos and comments give me life <3 <3
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	12. Hinata POV: Homecoming's Bitter Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head on Homecoming, can everything come together, will they win the game, and...where is Atsumu? Emotions are high and the question remains...will it all turn out in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow sorry for the mini Hiatus, I had my birthday, finals, and a few mental break downs along the way so to the 13 people who still read this this goes out to you. It's extra long too! I didn't post this story in hopes of views, just some sense of satisfaction of finally completing a project. I'd love it if you commented, even if it's just one word it means the world to me. Or to any fanfic writer out there who thinks their work sucks (like me lol). So hopefully you all keep reading!

This has been the worst fucking week of my life. I knew this was going to be difficult, whichever idiot in the past had decided to hold two gigantic events in the same weekend needs to get punched because I’m feeling the pain that is Homecoming week. I’ve barely slept, and I think I’ve been in my office for so long I’m not sure what day it is anymore. I have all this work, all these things to do, people to email, people to call, but there’s only one thing lingering on my mind. One thing that is impossible to ignore. That wonderful feeling from this past weekend when he kissed me. I’ve never felt like that before, it was the best thing I’ve ever felt and then it had to end so fucking bad. 

“I can’t tell if you need alcohol or coffee?” Suga asked as he walked in the room and I blearily looked up at him from my computer screen. 

“Death, I want death,” I said to him and he laughed quietly as he walked in and started setting things on my desk. I didn’t even have time to notice as I checked over the final calculations for the game tomorrow. Gladly we got everything set up for the game today...but I still don’t know what to do about Atsumu. What Osamu said was...accurate, but...I can’t even think about that now, like I even have the time to consider that. 

“Hey, everything is alright, Tuskishima already went over the final drafts, I told you that a while ago, but I don’t even think you remembered me telling you,” Suga said and I sighed loudly as I stopped typing and closed my eyes. “You need to go home,” he said and I sighed again as I leaned back. Something I’ve been doing a lot lately. 

“What’s the point, I’m back here at 8AM. It’s best to just get work done.”

“Well I can’t agree since someone is going to be on national television tomorrow so I’d suggest you sleep at the bare minimum,” he said and I leaned forward. 

“What should I do?” I said quietly and he looked at me for a moment quietly. 

“You’ll need to tell me what you mean or I can’t help you,” he sounded like my Mom asking why I haven’t left my room in weeks. I wasn’t even sure how to answer to be honest. 

“All of it, my future, my friends, work, school work I’m behind on, Atsumu...I…” my breath caught in my throat when I thought about Atsumu. I know how heartbreak feels, and it hurt me even more to know how much I’m hurting him just because I can’t make up my mind. 

“Today was rough, Osamu shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. But...to be honest we’re all stressed out right now. It’s probably hard to hear, but...he is right. All of us in the friend group don’t seem to care about how Atsumu feels about this,” he said and I stared at him. 

“I think about it constantly, and it feels like it’s pulling me apart. On one hand I could give in, and trust someone for once in my fucking life, but...he could leave me again and then I’d be so broken I’m not sure I could pick up the pieces again. Or I could let it continue as it is, either pushing him away so we both disappear from each other’s minds, or I could have him as a friend and then we have to deal with these latent feelings until we graduate. I just...I hate it. I never wanted any of this, and if throwing myself into work makes me forget all of this then that’s what I’ll do,” I felt like I was yelling towards the end, not that it mattered. It’s already past 9 o’clock, the only person left is the one janitor for the building and he just leaves the door open for me now ever since I tripped off the fire alarm the other day. None of it matters, and it was pissing me off that Suga could just sit there looking all calm while I was having a mental breakdown. 

“Eat, I’ll talk,” he said and I just sighed as he pushed a water bottle and some warm pasta towards me. He must have come from his apartment here just for me, the thought makes me both happy and incredibly guilty at the same time. 

All these people care about me and I can’t even function well enough for one week when things get hard. What will I do when I’m not surrounded by friends and family? What do I even want in my future, and...is Atsumu a part of it. Even if I give into these feelings, he’s going to be gone in a semester, or even less if he decides to be drafted this spring instead of in the summer. He isn’t here for an education, that much is apparent from his attendance, but…

“I can see you’re eating yourself alive even though I told you to just focus on eating right now,” Suga said and my eyes briefly looked up at him and I just nodded as I grabbed the food and took a few bites. “You know you remind me so much of Daichi.” I raised my eyebrow at him and he just waved me off as he turned away and fondly smiled at whatever he was thinking about. “I knew the minute I saw him that he was the one. I was young, and questioning if I was gay or not, but jesus christ when I saw him I just  _ knew _ . Like everything seemed to just fall into place when he showed up with his Mom at my front steps with a plate of cookies,” he laughed and had a faraway look in his eyes. The fondness and love was so apparent I felt like I could reach out and take some of it. 

“Why do I remind you of him though?” I asked between bites and he sighed and looked back at me. 

“For years he was tearing himself apart. It was painful to watch, and I am a shameless flirt so I was in no way making it easy for him. We did everything together, I was a manager for the football team and he was the team captain. We had all the same classes, we’d walk home together, we’d stay over all the time. Yet he continually seemed to be forcing himself to just see us as friends.It was incredibly frustrating, every time I tried to flirt with him, or tell him that I was interested he’d never get the hint. He’s so dense when it comes to things like romance.”

“Why didn’t he seem interested?”

“Because he was scared of what it could mean, and what would happen if it went south. He doesn’t look it, but he constantly worries about everything. He’s been deathly scared about the season this year, as a 5th year on the starting lineup he has a lot of pressure on his shoulders, and it eats at him, but he never shows it.”

“So...how’d it happen?” I asked him, maybe it could give me some insight of what to do. 

He laughed loudly this time, so hard I could see tears coming from his eyes. He finally contained himself, and wiped away tears as he looked back at me. “I decided to pretend to get drunk on New Years at his house and gave him a blow job. The poor guy was in shambles all night, he couldn’t even sleep, and in the morning he got on the ground and literally bowed to me to apologize. It was precious,” he said through his laughter and even though I was shocked...it honestly sounds exactly like what I had imagined would happen with them. 

“Jesus,” I said to him and we both laughed until I felt the silence prolong between us. What am I supposed to say to that?

“So...how does that...help me?” I asked him and he sighed as he leaned forward. 

“Let go,” he said simply, but I still couldn’t understand what he meant. 

“Huh?”

“You need to let go, of the pain of your past, and the fear of your future...let it all go. Then you’ll find a real kind of peace like none other. I let go a long time ago, and it feels nice,” he said to me and I just stared at him. 

“You make it sound easy.”

“Because it is, it’s getting rid of the fear that’s more difficult. People are scared of change, and you’re no exception,” he said and I just stared at him. 

“Do you think I should be with him?”

“It’s not my decision.”

“If you were me, what would you do?” I reworded the question in hope he’d answer. He sighed and looked away as he thought for a moment. 

“If it were me I would have made him mine long ago. Atsumu isn’t like Daichi, he doesn’t have some kind of pride or fear holding him back. You’re the only one holding him back. His feelings won’t change whether or not you decide to give him your love.”

“But how do you know that, you can’t know for certain,” I said to him, I didn’t want to hear this...my mind can’t process this right now. How does he just know, he has so much confidence, it doesn’t make sense to me. 

“You’re right I don’t,” he said and I looked back at him. “But you don’t either. You seem to have come to this conclusion that it’ll all go wrong, but...what if it doesn’t? And what if you let him go and you find out that you’ll never love anyone like this again in your life. Are you going to regret letting him go in the future, or will you take the chance for even a fraction of a moment of something truly great.”

“I just... _ can’t do it _ . What you’re saying makes sense, but...I  _ can’t _ . Not now, I...there isn’t enough time for me to get myself together before he leaves at the end of the year. I can’t pull the last pieces together before my chance is gone. So breaking it off is the best option,” I said to him and he sighed loudly, but nodded. 

“Alright...but you’ll need to tell him that. Soon, and you can’t chicken out of that,” his words were harsh...but he was right. 

“I promise I will...tomorrow,” I said to him and he nodded as he stood up. 

“Are you going to finish your food or am I going to have to sit here and watch you,” he said with a pointed look and I held up my hands. 

“I’ll eat I promise. Go home,” I said to him and he nodded as he stood up and smiled. 

“You deserve happiness too Hinata. Even if you can’t convince yourself I’ll tell you,” he left with those parting words leaving me alone in my office with lukewarm pasta and more thoughts running through my mind than I needed.

I left the office after finishing my food, I knew all the work was done and festering my anxiety while continuously searching through files will only lead to worry lines in my late 20s. It’s already 10PM, tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. I’ve got to get up early to go on a run and make myself look presentable. Then I’ll have to check on the cultural festival, make sure everything’s going smoothly, make an appearance at the Dean’s luncheon with other faculty. Then there’s the last checks with the student section at the stadium, all these things and-.

“Oh...I wondered if you’d be here.” Why the  _ fuck _ is he here now?

I looked up and saw Atsumu sitting on the steps outside the building. It’s late October, and we could slightly see our breath in the Autumn chill, but he just sat there in a shirt and shorts. I could see him slightly shaking, and I wondered how long he had been out here for. It pained me to think that he was so desperate to talk to me that he had to wait outside the student union to even see me. He’s still fucking here, looking at me with love in his eyes even after I ignored him for a week. Why does he love me so much? How could he possibly be so confident in these feelings? He doesn’t make any sense to me. 

“Atsumu,” I said quietly and he stood up as he turned towards me. He didn’t step closer, I could see his eyes trying to analyze my face and body, wondering how he’s going to go about this. Like as if he’s trying to make sure to not scare me off even more, worrying he’ll do something wrong and I’ll ignore him again. He shouldn’t have to worry. I need to break it off, free him from these feelings that will only ruin us in the future. Just like Osamu said, if I can’t love him let him go so  _ someone else  _ can. But...I hate to admit that the thought of him loving someone else hurt so bad I thought I would cry. I can’t have it both ways, I can’t have a safe distance and him still pining for me. It’s not fair to him...and then he’ll become just like me. Shackled to past emotions that will never be reciprocated. 

“I’m not here to bother you...I just,” he trailed off as he looked for the words, then he reached into his pocket and pulled something out handing it to me. “I...read in a King Arthur novel in class that he gave a part of his armor to someone he trusts for good luck before a big game. I...this is the first game I’ve been single funny enough,” he laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s...hard to deal with this anxiety on my own, and...I’m not forcing you to do anything. I don’t want you to feel awkward around me. I’m more than aware that everything started out the wrong way. But...the fact remains is that I trust you...and I wouldn’t give anyone else this,” he said as he handed a deep maroon piece of fabric. 

What am I supposed to say to that? Right when I had gotten the resolve to break it off and let him go he reels me back in, and my heart beats wildly as I hold the piece of cloth in my hands. It’s so stupidly romantic I can’t even believe it...but he did it. He cared so much, thought of any way to reach me, and he went the extra mile to assure me. I felt the tears hit my hands, and was surprised as I started crying in front of him. 

“I’ll take it back if it makes ya cry, shit!” He said as he was about to reach forward, but pulled his hands back quickly. He’s still scared, and I did that. I’ve ruined him, the confident shameless flirt Atsumu Miya has been reduced to this because I’m an asshole. 

“No...no,” I simply said as I clutched the cloth to my chest. 

“Oh…” he trailed off as he looked at me, he was a little closer now. Just a few steps forward and I could wrap my arms around his waist and get lost in him. But I couldn’t, because that would be betraying him. I can’t keep hurting him. “Listen, I heard that Osamu went off on ya. I just want you to know he’s not a bad guy, he’s...really protective of me, and it comes out in weird ways. But...just know that….fuck I don’t know,” he looked away for a moment to collect his thoughts as my tears subsided and I turned back to him. “If your heart wants someone, go for it, even if I’m not that person,” he said and my eyes widened. 

“What?” I asked confused, he meant something. Those words were carefully said, they had meaning, but I can’t imagine for the life of me what he meant. 

“I’ve never been the first choice my whole life. I know that’s surprising to hear, but it’s the truth. Everyone I’ve ever dated has left me for the person they were meant to be with. So...maybe you’re just the next in line. Either way, it’s worth it to me to have a moment of your time. I’m a lot stronger than you think, I can take whatever you say. I don’t want you to worry about all of this. I came tonight because...I was worried you’d be all stressed out about tomorrow. So...I’m just here to alleviate your fears, or maybe I’ve made it worse...I really didn’t think this through,” he said and I just stared at him.

He’s so strong, stronger than I’ve ever experienced. He’s had hardships too, he just now mentioned his past, and Osamu had mentioned that their Dad left when they were younger. How can I be so selfish...thinking I’m the most broken one around here. Everyone has cracks in their armor, some worse than others, but Atsumu’s cracks looked old, worn into his being and poorly fixed. I wanted to reach out, to give in, and just  _ let go _ like Suga had said I should. The massive weight on my soul would finally be relieved and I could finally have someone that was willing to share the burden of my past with me. 

But I didn’t reach out. 

I stood there, just staring at the piece of fabric in my hands. 

“Alright...I get when I’m not wanted. I’ll leave ya be. Have a good night Shou, get some rest,” he said to me with a lame wave and he walked away. 

I am  _ the worst _ . 

How was I supposed to sleep now? This guilt, stress, and depression were going to send me into an early grave. So I didn’t speak when I got back to the dorm and curled into a ball and just stared at the wall, not even bothering to take my shoes off. I’ve been like this for a long time, I call it my “coma mode”. I stop taking care of myself, I stop eating, I stop sleeping, and just run on autopilot. It sucks that this has to happen right now, but what else am I supposed to do. My mind can’t handle all of this right now, honestly I’m not sure if I ever can. These things always seem to pile on in times of stress, and...I don’t know if things really will get better. Constantly I am just bogged down by things failing, not attaining my dreams, and losing interest in things. I know I’m supposed to want things to be better, and I still try. I go to school, I go to practice, but...all of these things are finite. Just things I do out of responsibility and not enjoyment. 

Things had gotten bad like this a couple years ago when Kageyama broke up with me. Well...he didn’t even break up with me. He just dropped out of university, told me he’s leaving for Massachusetts and that he wouldn’t have time for me. He’s always straight to the point, goal oriented, and talented to boot. It was only a matter of time where my willpower alone wouldn’t be able to keep up with his natural talent. It just hurt a lot more to be left behind in more ways than one. I really did shut down then. I stayed in my dorm for weeks, until Kuroo broke down the door and they took me to the hospital. I spent all of winter break in an inpatient psych ward, making origami and talking to professionals about my problems. I said what they wanted to hear and they released me with a prescription for some anti-depressants, and pamphlets on dealing with depression. 

None of it worked, and I couldn't afford the meds anyways so I stopped taking those years ago now. I worked hard after that, intent on not making my friends worry about me anymore. I focused on my grades, I had fun, I made friends, I became student body president, I even made a name for myself in track and field. I found a new path in life, and it was giving me some kind of reprieve from this constant numbing feeling. I broke myself down and patched myself back up into a different person that I’m not even sure I totally liked, but now I’m back to where I was, and it hurts more than before. 

Sometimes I understand feeling pain is good because at least I feel  _ something.  _ But if I say that out loud Kuroo and Kenma get really concerned. I just have to make it through tomorrow and then I can shut down for a couple days. Suga can handle cleaning up the cultural festival, and then I’ve got a day off before practice resumes. I’ll sleep for like 12 hours and then try eating something. Right...that’s the plan. 

“Shouyou…” Kenma said and I tried to pretend like I didn’t hear him, but Kenma rarely sleeps during the night so it’s almost impossible to fool him. 

“Yes,” I said quietly. 

“You should get some rest, you’ve got that important speech tomorrow.”

“I know.”

…

“That means you’re supposed to sleep.”

“I know.”

“Shoyou...please, can you talk to me? I’m worried,”

“What is there to say?”

I heard rustling and then I felt the bed dip and I knew Knema was sitting next to me. He never likes physical touch, but he tries his best. I felt his hand rest on my leg and somehow that felt incredibly nice. He just sat there and rubbed my leg softly until I really did fall asleep. The angry thoughts, and the ringing in my ears finally died down so I could take a moment to sleep. A moment of reprieve from my noisy and always moving life, a rest point, or…maybe this is my reset point. I always knew that Homecoming was going to be different this year, not just some normal event I can slowly pass by, it’s something much larger. Things will change tomorrow and I can’t stop it. Right now everything is out of my control, and that frightens me more than anything. 

I felt my alarm going off in the morning and slowly opened my eyes to see Kenma curled up next to me playing on his switch. I slowly got up and rubbed my eyes, Kenma didn’t move, but he did peer up at me. “You get up way too early,” he said and I huffed out a laugh. 

“I suppose, but there’s just so much to fucking do today,” I groaned as I rolled over him and went to get ready for the day. 

I didn’t even have time to get my full run in before I was racing off around the entire campus. I had to check on all the events, and make sure the cultural festival was in full swing, and make an appearance at the alumni luncheon. I had about a million and a half things to do during the day. I didn’t even have time to think about all of these other things on my mind...not even Atsumu. Well...I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about him, to be honest I think about him constantly. His tan skin, his defined jawline, those beautiful eyes, everything about him all of these things run through my mind, tormenting me daily. I wonder if these thoughts, these feelings, these fervent reactions will ever go away someday? Will I be free of these deafening feelings?

“You look distracted?” Tsukishima asked me, which helped me break free from my Atsumu filled thoughts. 

“Sort of, is there something wrong?” I asked him peering down at the clipboard that feels like it’s now permanently attached to my hands. Not that there’s really anything for me to check anymore. 

“No, everything is going perfectly,” he didn’t sound very happy about that, but I decided not to say anything about it. “They say this is one of the best Homecoming weekends we’ve ever had,” he said and I just nodded thoughtfully. 

“That’s good then, so what is the problem?”

“No problem.” He said, but he kept looking at me and I knew there was more. 

“Spit it out Tuskki, you’re never one for subtly,” I said to him and he just nodded. 

“I suppose. Just...wanted to know what you’re planning to do about a certain football player that’s been MIA all day,” he said and I tried to reign in my shock, but it’s almost impossible to hide anything around Tsukki. 

“I...didn’t know.”

“Really? I just assumed he was your boyfriend, aren’t you supposed to know?” He asked innocently, but this was anything but. 

I turned around quickly and shoved the clipboard at him. “Where was he last seen?”

“Going to find him huh, I thought he isn’t your boyfriend? Which is it?”

“Now’s not the time,” I said, the worry setting into my very core as I looked around to find a clock. I saw the big clock tower in the middle of campus and I wanted to puke. 

**4:23**

All of the players have to be in the locker rooms by 6:30PM at the latest, which leaves me almost 2 hours to find him. I don’t know what came over me, a more rational person would have just left it alone. I’m the reason he’s probably having a breakdown in the first place. It’s all my fault, so he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Yet...here I am still running through campus. I checked every hall, all the buildings, I even managed to hurdle through the huge tailgate parties outside of the stadium, but no sign of him. So I pulled out my phone and dialed Bokuto first. 

“Hey! Hinata, this isn’t a-.”

“I know he’s missing, where is the last place you saw him?” I got right to the point, I’m not here to mess around, and I’ve looked everywhere on campus that I could find. 

**5:17**

“They tore apart the house and he’s not there, Kuroo and Osamu just looked all over campus. Kenma’s currently trying to track him down, but he’s got his phone off. No one knows where he is,” he said and I felt the dread set in. 

I couldn’t leave him alone. Even if he doesn’t want to see me, or even if I make it worse I selfishly want to see him again. But where is he? If he was anywhere on campus I would imagine it’s somewhere he is comfortable. I would have imagined him holding up in his room, but…

**5:22**

“Are you sure they checked everywhere at HAI house?” I asked him quickly. 

“Huh? Yeah, everywhere-.”

“Inside, I think I know I’ll call you when I find him!” I yelled as I took off down the street. 

“What-.” but I turned off the phone and focused as I ran down the street. 

It’ll take 10 minutes to get there, but if I run it’ll only take 6. I zoomed past people, almost got hit by a car, and hurdled over a dog, but I wasn’t going to stop. I don’t even know what I’ll say when I find him. What would he want to hear? Would I be the one to help, or would I just make it worse? I don’t have time to think about any of that. At least that’s what I told myself as I saw the house down the street. Sure enough I saw the slight tuft of blond hair on the roof.

**5:31**

“Hinata? What are-.” Daichi asked me confused as he and the others were frantically looking around. 

I grabbed his arms and made him look at me. “Who’s got a room with a window facing the backyard?” 

“Uh...mine I guess-.”

“Can I use it?” 

“Use it? For what?” He asked, but he was already leading me inside and up the stairs. 

It’s the first time I’ve been in Daichi’s room, and it was as organized as I imagined it would be. I know Suga spends a lot of time here, it’s easy to see the little things he’s left here. The way he subtly leaves his signature throughout the room is impressive. I didn’t have too much time to think about it as I walked right to the window and opened it up. 

“Just give me a minute with him.” I said as I perched on the windowsill and grabbed onto the siding above me. 

“On the roof?? Are you fucking-.” but his voice drifted off as I used all the strength I had to haul myself onto the roof. 

As I took a breath, my legs still dangling off the edge of the house I looked up to see Atsumu directly staring at me. He didn’t even look surprised, honestly I didn’t see any emotions in his eyes. He looked tired, but didn’t make any move to help me up, or to run away. So I got up onto the roof and caught my breath as I looked at him. It was generally obvious that he wasn’t about to make the first move, he was waiting to see what I’d say. 

“I’m way too short to get up onto the roof, next time maybe pick a tree or something,” I said breathlessly and he managed to slightly smile as he looked away. So I call that progress. 

“I’ll take that into consideration.” He sounded normal...but he wasn’t. It was strange to see him like this. I’ve known him vaguely around school for almost 3 years now, and he’s never acted like this. Eternally confident, so confident sometimes he comes off as an asshole. The handsome, suave guy who everyone thinks is unfailable. The guy everyone relies on, but...right now he is hurting and it’s all my fault. 

“This isn’t about you if you’re wondering. You don’t have to make yourself talk to me just because you’re worried about me,” he was trying to be nice to me, but it made me mad. 

“I’m not making myself talk to you…” my confidence wavered as we neared dangerous topics of conversation. But I’m here, and there’s no time to go back. “I was worried, they all told me you disappeared, and-.”

“You thought that you could just flash me one of your blinding smiles and then I’ll be all happy again and back to  _ normal _ right?” He sounded angry, but it wasn’t that. The anger was there for another reason. He was tired...fed up with everything. 

“This conversation isn’t about anything we’re talking about. There’s something a lot bigger going on that I don’t know about,” I explained to him and he just shrugged as he leaned back on his palms. 

“What’s there to say, it’s been…a particularly shitty week. It’s hard to keep up the Mr. Perfect facade when you’re just fucking angry. Yet, I don’t even think I have a right to be angry, or do I?” His gaze only landed on me at the end and I sucked in a breath. 

“You do, you should hate me,” I said to him and he just laughed.

“It’s physically impossible. Believe me I’ve tried,” his words hurt, but I understood so I just kept quiet. “It’s like eating a bunch of cookie dough and throwing it up. Then after ya just don’t want it anymore, even though you still crave it. But...maybe that’s not right either. Either way there’s no way to fix any of my problems, and...I’m just fucking tired. I’m sick and tired of the run around, of pleasing everyone. So tell me Shou, did you lie to me last week?” He asked me directly and I knew I had to answer, I couldn’t back down. This wasn’t for me anymore, it’s for  _ him _ . 

“No I didn’t-.”

"Then what the fuck, what happened after because I don’t know about ya, but it seemed like we were pretty fucking official after Saturday,” he said to me and I nodded as I moved over to sit next to him. If he kept staring at me I’d start thinking about annoyingly distracting things and then this conversation would go very differently. He wants the truth, he needs to know so he has closure. 

“I wanted to be, I...still do in a lot of ways,” what other way was I supposed to start off this conversation, still confusing him, still running around the question. “I didn’t lie when I said there was a chance that I loved you. It’s there, but...it’s not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me,” he said and I didn’t even blame him for how mad he sounded. I’m the one who caused this. I need to fix it, no one else will be able to do it for me. 

“After we kissed and you left I was happy, so happy I could cry. It felt right, perfect even, but...then I got a phone call...and what we talked about brought me back down from the high I was riding on. I thought a lot about the future, what it would mean for us to be together. It might be detrimental for your career to be with me, and besides that you’ll be gone in 8 months and I doubt you’ll still love me if you’re not near me. So I avoided you because I wanted to make the separation easier for you, I tried my best, but-.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” he said angrily and I couldn’t even look at him. “I asked ya not to fucking lie. Just give me that much Shou, I’m not asking you to get married I just want ya to tell me the truth. Am I not worth that much?”

“No, no you’re right,” I said to him and I felt his eyes boring holes into the side of my head. He’s mad, rightfully so. “I avoided you because it was easy, because I was scared. I didn’t have a noble reason, not even a really concrete one. I just did it because I couldn’t handle it. I was too much of a coward to say anything to you. I don’t deserve to be with you. Osamu was right...I just keep jerking you around and it’s not fair to you. I need to let you go so you can find someone who can love you as much as you deserve. That person isn’t me,” I said to him and he was incredibly quiet. 

I didn’t want to look at him, but I needed to. I can’t just run away, face it head on. So I turned, and I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to run away, but instead I stared at Atsumu as he cried, genuine tears streamed down his face, and he made no attempt to wipe them away. 

“Fuck...that hurt a lot more than I thought it would the second time,” he said as he finalled wiped his tears off. “You’re wrong though.”

“About what?”

“You’re not a coward, I’m scared about things too. I’m so worried about today it’s sad. I’ve never been scared before a game, but here I am hiding on a roof to escape my fears. That’s human to be afraid, it doesn’t make you a coward,” he said to me through his tears. 

I hate how he looks so beautiful even like this. “You’re still so nice to me, even after all of this other shit,” I said motioning behind me, but he just sighed as he leaned his head over to look at me. 

“Because I love you, I told you before I’m confident with my feelings. My question is though, you talked this whole time about the future, and how we’d end up breaking up in the end. Is it not enough to have a little time with each other rather than nothing?” He asked me as he moved closer to me. 

This is dangerous, I should have moved away. There’s lots of things I could have done, but I moved closer to him too. “Because I don’t know if I’d have the will to break things off,” we were so close I could feel his breath on my lips. He wasn’t being subtle at all as he stared at my lips. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” his hand reached up and rested on the side of my face. I should have moved him away, but I didn’t. “I’d give it all up for you.”

“Shouldn’t you care about your career more, or your future. Shouldn’t you want someone who doesn’t hurt you all the time?” I asked him, but he pressed his lips to mine and I didn’t bother to hold back. 

“Call me a masochist I guess,” he said as he pushed me down onto my back and continued to kiss me. 

I couldn’t help but feel that incredible rush as he kissed me, the fire I felt under my skin everywhere he touched. Finally he stopped for a moment and stared at me, he had me pinned to the roof, and both of us were breathless, trying to figure out what all this meant. “I did turn you down again didn’t I?” I asked him and he laughed as his thumb brushed over my lips. 

“Yeah ya did, I just...if this is the last time I’m gonna make sure you don’t forget it,” he said and I would be lying if I wasn’t extremely turned on right now. 

“Stop making this harder than it has to be,” I said to him and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

He kissed me once more, and it really felt like the last time as he sat up and got off me. He turned away from me and we sat quietly for a moment. “Well...if there is ever a time in the future where it is the right time...just ask.” He said quietly. 

“Don’t wait for me, it could be 10 years from now,” I said worriedly, I won’t ruin his life. I thought he’d give up, he was supposed to, like every other fucking person in my life. Why not him?

“I know it’s hard to believe, but...I know you’re the one Shou. I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll wait,” he said and that’s what he left me on as he moved to the edge of the roof, unceremoniously kicked the window open below, and slipped back into the house.

I stared ahead for a moment trying to gather my thoughts. My entire mind was still riding on the rush of that make out session. I buried my face in my hands as I got myself back together, I needed to get back to the present. Stop focusing on the past and move forward. I’ve done everything I could, I said what I needed to say and now I have to live with that. So I unceremoniously scrambled down the drain pipe and made my way quietly back to campus. 

**6:14**

Damn...I guess I have to get to the stadium. My mind didn’t even have time to process everything as I was thrown back into the thousands of students making their way towards the stadium. I had to run around and check on everything, and then make my way down to the labyrinth under the stadium to stand next to the other faculty when the sickening realization set on me that I had to make a speech out there. In front of all those cameras, and people, and...Atsumu. 

“I don’t mean to be rude,” the dean said as he peered over at me. “But...it looks like you’re going to puke,” he said to me and I straightened up. 

“No! I’ll be fine, I promise!” I said to him and he just nodded, but took a step away. 

I stared down at the notecards I had haphazardly shoved into my pocket this morning in the commotion, but my mind just kept going back to his lips on mine. Or how I made him cry multiple times. How much I’ve hurt him, and I tried to release him, but he just keeps coming back. I’ve tried everything I could to keep him away. He’s wrong, I am a coward, too afraid of a future without Atsumu that I can’t get rid of him. What if he really is the one? What if I’m the one who’s still being held back, today those sharp hooks in my skin felt more painful than before, a reminder that I still partially belong to someone else. Even though that makes me sick. 

“I’m just going to run to the bathroom really quick, I’ll be back!” I said and the Dean seemed genuinely relieved as I ran off. 

Everything makes me sick lately, like when I think about his sad expression after helping at the cultural festival yesterday. Or when I see him in my dreams. Sometimes I’ll just be sitting in the library and I’ll think about the few special months we spent together in the summer during training camp in high school. That small world we lived in that was beautiful and full of admiration. I’m fairly sure I loved him then...but my heart already belonged to someone else. There isn’t a chance to take it back, or to fix the past so why do I dwell on it?

My mind likes to come up with lots of sick and twisted ways my future could go if we’re together. Like the one with Kageyama where I turn into some pathetic house wife for my rich husband, ready with food and a quick fuck when he wants. Atsumu will eventually get bored of me, or grow to hate the constant insecurities and waves of depression so he’ll find someone else who can satisfy his needs when I can’t. The honeymoon phase will end and he’ll realize that he really doesn’t like me. Those are just some of the many possibilities that flood through my mind at any given moment, and all of them make me wanna hurl. 

“Chibi?” Kuroo asked as I rounded a corner and I turned slowly to see him approach me.“Chibi, you look sick,” he said as he patted my head and I just continued to lean on the wall and clutch my stomach. 

“Yeah well I have to make a speech and I am going to throw up everything,” I said to him and he chuckled. It was a lame excuse and not entirely wrong so it’ll work for the time being. 

“You’ve always been like this, but...hold on, I think Bokuto’s got tums,” he said to me and I cringed as he walked towards the locker room. “Bo! Do you have tums in your locker?” Kuroo yelled through the door. 

“Oh yeah bro, you feeling okay?” He called out, and ran towards the door. Both of them smelled... _ just awful _ , but that really isn’t their fault. It did however make me that much closer to blowing chunks. 

“It ain’t for me,” Kuroo said and my face was getting more red as the other guys on the team saw me with Kuroo in the hallway. 

“Oh my son! Of course, here you go!” Bokuto yelled as he ran towards me with tums and his water bottle. 

“Thanks Bokuto,” I said as I took the tums and drank some water which...minorly helped. 

“Is this...because of earlier?” Bokuto asked me gingerly as he gently rubbed my back.

“Earlier?” Kuroo asked looking between us curiously and I had to cut this off. 

“Um...I have to do the opening speech with the dean and I’m nervous,” I said to him and he gripped my shoulder as Kuroo rubbed my back. 

“You’ve got this my son! I promise you’ll be amazing, everyone loves you, and you always make everyone smile! I know I’ll be pumped up to play after your speech!” Bokuto said with a smile. I wish he was right...but I know that’s not true. 

“He’s right Chibi, so don’t sweat it. If you get too nervous just look for Kenma, who came out to see your speech, not even me!” Kuroo said and I laughed quietly. I tried to ignore the look he gave me which definitely said  _ we’re talking about this later _ . 

“Bokuto and Kuroo! Coach is…” Atsumu’s voice drifted off as he saw me and his jaw hung open, it looked like he was rooted to the spot, and I saw the fear forming in his eyes. I did that, I’m so fucking horrible. “Shou what’s up? Why are you back here?” He asked me as he walked forward slowly. 

“He gets an upset stomach when he’s nervous,” Kuroo said as he rustled my hair, but he was nervously staring at Atsumu. 

“Kuroo!” I glared at him, but he just smirked. 

“Are you okay?” Atsumu asked me, he looked...genuinely concerned. Stop it, why are you so nice to me? Just hate me, make this easier for me. 

“Yeah I’m fine, you guys better go to your meeting right, and I have to get back,” I said quickly as I moved back. “Uh...good luck, I’m rooting for you,” I said to them with a very fake smile. 

“Shou, hey,” Atsumu said as he ran forward and I looked at him confused. 

“Don’t you need to go to your meeting?” I asked him, confused.  _ Please go _ , “I don’t want to keep you,” I said quietly, but he was very close...and somehow even though his uniform smelt bad, there was still that scent of mint and pine I could smell on him. It was...really nice. 

“Are you alright? Really? You don’t have to lie to me,” he said and I stared at him blankly. 

“I’m not...lying,” I said to him and he looked at my face, trying to find some sign of distress. “Why are you being nice to me? I just turned you down again this morning, and you left me on a rooftop.” I blurted it out before I could stop myself. 

His worried expression didn’t leave his face, but he did step back. “I can’t help but be worried Shou...you might hate me, but I certainly don’t hate you.”

“You should...Osamu sure does,” I said and Atsumu seemed surprised by this, but moved on. 

“My brother cares about me, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. But you...you’re a different case. I sometimes feel like I know you, then other times you are a complete mystery to me Shou. Do you want me to hate you? Is that what this week was about?” His question was reasonable, but I wanted out of here. If he just said he hated me, and wanted nothing to do with me this would be so much easier. But after everything I’ve put him through, here he is standing in front of me, asking if I’m okay. I’m the shit person, I’m the problem, yet I can’t bring myself to end it. Just end it now...before we’re both in too deep. 

“You know,” he started again after an uncomfortable amount of silence. “I meant it earlier when I told you I was scared about the game today. I’ve never really ever been nervous before games ya know.,” he said shyly and he was slightly blushing as he talked. 

“How could you be nervous? You’re like one of the best quarterbacks in the world,” I said to him and he scoffed as he looked away. 

_ Why did I say that aloud? _

“Stop flattering me Sho,” he said and I rolled my eyes. 

_ I didn’t mean to, you’re supposed to hate me. _

“I’m fine Atsumu...you’ll be fine too,” I said to him and his eyes traveled back slowly to mine. “Ya know…”  _ what the fuck am I doing? _ “If you get nervous during the game...just look for me. I’ll be on the sidelines with the faculty,” I said to him and he smiled...a genuine smile when I said that.  _ Why does he have to be so goddamn attractive? _

“I will then, thanks...and you can look for me during your speech. I’m sure you’ll do amazing,” he said as he tossled my hair. Then his eyes widened and he retracted his hand quickly. “Oh I’m sorry, uh I-.”

_ Tell him to stop, to run away _

“No it’s fine…”

_ Stop it _

“I liked it,” I said to him and he just stared dumbly at me. 

_ You fucking idiot.  _

“Atsumu! You fucking scrub where are you!” Osamu yelled down the hall. 

“And that’s my que...good luck Shou,” he said with a bright smile as he jogged back to the locker room. 

Fuck... _ what was that _ ? Am I falling for him  _ again _ ? No, no, no, no...At least I don’t feel like I’m going to hurl about my speech anymore. More like I’m worried I’ll pitch myself off the top of the stadium. Why’d I tell him that? I’m going to give him the wrong idea. Especially when I turn him down after the game. The thought of that conversation was going to knock me out. Oh god...I can’t have a panic attack, not here...not now. 

So I went to the bathroom, did my business, and splashed some water on my face. I’ll get my breathing together, and compose myself. I’ll be fine, this is one moment out of the millions in my life and I’ll get through it. Atsumu will move on like everyone else in my life and we’ll forget all about this. I’ll forget all about his beautiful smile, and gorgeous face, and he’ll in turn forget about the pain I’ve caused him. Both of us will just be small anecdotes in our life story, and….I’m fine with that. I’m fine with that, I’m fine with that…

If I just say it enough...maybe one day I’ll believe it. 

Finally I made my way back, taking a longer route to avoid the locker room and towards the front where the Dean was. “Are you alright?”

_ Am I? _

“Yeah,” I said plastering on that bright smile I’m known for. “Perfectly fine now.”

“Glad to hear, we’ll head out here in a minute,” he said as he motioned me forward and I nodded as we joined the rest of the entourage going out onto the field for the pregame introductions. 

The speech I had prepared was basically memorized, not that any of the speeches from the President of the Student Body changes from year to year. I’m fairly sure that Richard Gulmack, the first President of the Student Body, had a speech almost identical to mine. I first thanked everyone for coming, and cheered on the crowd from our section, and thanked the enemy team’s spectators for coming as well. I went into a small little anecdote about how I was proud to be representing the school here, and how much good I’ll do for the rest of my term. I then wished both football teams good luck on the game ahead, and left the small stage. 

A minute and 43 seconds of my life, but it felt like an eternity, especially when the entire time Atsumu was staring at me intently. It at least distracted me from Kuroo loudly cheering after every single word I said, and Bokuto crying as he loudly told Akaashi how  _ proud I am of my son! _ I don’t know if it was in an attempt to give me strength, or if it was something else entirely, but I had to keep it together. I just gave Atsumu a friendly nod and a small smile and made my way off the field for the coin toss. Atsumu confidently walked to the center of the field, it felt like the lights were shining down on him, like this is where he was meant to be. In a way...I suppose that’s true. 

We won the coin toss, and Atsumu chose to start our team on offense. A good idea, as he’s probably attempting to get us a steady lead of points in the first half before the turnover. We’ve got a good defense with Bokuto leading the defensive line, but it’s difficult to get our rhythm back. However as the game started it was very clear that we were going to have a tough game ahead of us. 

Atsumu seemed in his element out there, calling the plays, and his expert tosses that seemed to almost hone in on the wide receiver past the first down line. A lateral pass to Osamu who took the ball another 20 yards. One of the defensive lineman broke through the line of scrimmage, but Diachi blocked him last minute so Atsumu could complete his pass. Closer and closer we made it towards the end zone. Atsumu used a flea flicker and passed the ball to Tanaka who ran the ball into the end zone, giving us the first touchdown in the first quarter. Then they called in their kicker, a terrified Yamaguchi, who scored them the extra point when it went through the uprights. 

**7:17 7-0**

However it was fairly obvious this lead we’d created in the beginning wouldn’t last as the other team pushed back hard. They even earned a safety point as Atsumu was sacked by a very large offensive lineman in the end zone. The fight was brutal, I could hear the shit talking from here on the sidelines, tensions were high and the score was neck and neck. Atsumu ended the first half with a two point conversion, giving us a momentary advantage going into the second half. No one was sure who was going to win this game. 

**7:52 22-21**

Over halftime I couldn’t help but chew down my fingernails as I watched the band come on to the field. How are they going to win, and do they have any other person in their arsenal to give them the lead. We’ll be starting out the second half on defense, which I can’t tell if it is good or bad. At least Bokuto’s in high spirits, but I did see him dragging Akaashi off the field, so maybe he’s getting his pent up emotions out in other ways. This was an extremely frustrating game, I’m not even sure what I would do in this situation. 

I heard the roaring applause as the band and dance team left the field, and the even louder cheer as the football team appeared from the locker rooms. However my eyes couldn't leave Atsumu’s as he stared ahead. He was focused, in control, but more importantly...he was smiling. He seemed to be having fun with this, entirely too happy that the game was difficult and that they’re struggling. He doesn’t want an easy game, or a sure win, he wants to fight stronger opponents to the end. Because that’s what it’s all about in the end. If you don’t fight for your place at the top, do you deserve it?

**8:22 Start of the second half 22-21**

This...was somehow worse than before. Tanka ended up getting our team a penalty when he pulled on the face mask of the opposing team’s defensive lineman. I don’t blame him, but losing another 10 yards was going to set us back considerably. It was slow, and grueling trying to claw our way to any sort of point. But...it was so fun to watch. Each team was putting everything they had into this fight, a clash of giants on the field. We’re both D-1 schools, oftentimes we’re competing against them again in the NCAA championship. But here, there’s no trophy or title on the line. It's the pride of each player that rides on this battle. 

In a surprising upset the opposing team managed to get a steady lead in the third quarter, scoring not only the touch down, but a 2 point conversion, and then they did it again, but missed the kick. Things were looking bleak going into the 4th quarter. Yet Atsumu didn’t waver, most others would have given up with so little time left to turn things around, but not him. He won’t run from a challenge, he’s confident enough to face it himself, and...it’s one of the many things I love about him. 

**8:49 end of the 3rd quarter 22-35**

Things were looking bleak, some people were even leaving the stands, not wanting to watch the team get creamed in the final push to the finish line. I needed to do something. I looked over and saw the tired and haggard team trying to think of something to do and I couldn’t take it anymore. So I ran all the way back up to the student section. I waded through the thousands of people until I found the cheerleaders and pulled up the cheer captain by the collar and yelled at him. 

“We need to cheer now, do something, give me anything!” I said and he nodded as the others got into formation. 

The cheers of the other team were deafening from the right side of the field, and they were the team highly thought to usurp our team to win the NCAA championship this winter. Yet I still grabbed that megaphone from the guy in charge of directing the student section. I didn’t feel fear anymore, I needed to turn the tide in a matter of minutes. Our team depends on it. 

“Let me hear you scream! Come on let the team hear you!” I yelled into the microphone. 

In a matter of moments our side of the arena erupted in ear piercing screams, people were stamping on the bleachers, yelling out for their favorite team member, or ringing cowbells in the stands. I just kept getting everyone excited, screaming out chants and the school song. I didn’t know if it worked, but then I looked back down at the team and my heart stopped. 

Atsumu was staring at me, a wide grin on his face. He held up his fist in the air, and I could tell that the rest of the team was in good spirits. Bokuto was jumping around pumping his fists in the air, and the others smiling widely as Atsumu motioned for them to huddle up. Osamu even smiled at me and nodded as he walked over to join the rest of the team. 

I kept everyone going through the quarter and then ran back down to the sidelines to see the rest of the game. We managed to score another touchdown in the first few minutes after Kuroo managed to run the ball all the way to the end in one of the most impressive plays I’ve ever seen in my life. Things were looking up, another touchdown would put us in the lead. We could do this, there’s a possibility to come back from this. 

**9:02 29-35**

We made the touchdown and things were looking up, with limited time left on the clock it would have just been a better option to just ride out the time, cautiously play, but that’s not our team. They want to win, total domination against the opponent, no room for anyone to say they were lucky to win. They wanted everyone to know we won. 

**9:22 36-35**

With only a few minutes left on the clock the opposing team’s running back had managed to grab the ball from a fumble and make his way to almost the entire other side of the field before Daichi managed to tackle him only 10 yards from their end zone. This isn’t good, we have to win...we have to. I can’t let them lose our school’s winning streak, not now. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a game, or that I’ve ever even went to one. But, I won’t let  _ him _ taint my love for the sport, or the rush I feel watching it. So I took in a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could. 

“YOU CAN DO IT! DON’T GIVE UP!” 

In that arena everyone might have been screaming at the top of their lungs, and it might not have mattered, but the team all smiled over at me, and the weight of my support was far greater than others. Atsumu didn’t look over at me, I could see that he was in deep concentration mode, the gears turning in his head as he tried to figure out what to do in the end. It was almost unnoticeable unless you were paying close attention, but he made a small hand gesture to Osamu, who just nodded and followed the rest of the team onto the field. 

It looked like they were bringing in Yamaguchi again to be the kicker. I heard the usual kicker was out after he broke his leg a few weeks ago. I don’t think Yamaguchi ever thought in his life he’d be playing on the field, but here he was standing center field as millions of people watched on. As the whistle blew and the game started, the opposing team expected them to go for a kick and rushed the defensive line straight towards them, but Atsumu smiled, and...he did it again and I watched as he arced the ball perfectly through the crowd and to Atsumu who was already on the other side of the field. 

The crowd screamed as he crossed into the end zone. Basically cementing our win with only 2 minutes left of the game, but neither team was stopping to congratulate. Especially when Atsumu was cocky enough to call for another 2 point conversion. The tension was thick, and it went down to the final 2 minutes to see if we could make it to the end zone. The opposing team seemed still confused about the quick pass that Atsumu had done, and Tendo managed to sneak the pass while they were focused on Kuroo and Tanaka and run it into the end zone getting us the extra 2 points. 

**9:47 44-35**

With only 37 seconds left on the clock we could have called it, but they didn’t. Everyone across the board was cheering, even the Dean had shot to his feet and took off his jacket and was currently waving it over his head. I could hear the announcers talking about this incredible upset, and how skilled our quarterback was. I could see replays on the big screens, and the focus on Atsumu’s face as he passed the ball. He was gorgeous, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would disagree with me. 

I couldn’t believe how competitive Atsumu was as they brought Yamaguchi back onto the field for the last push. I felt bad for the guy, and I could see him shaking from here, but he still played. He went out there to play and I couldn’t front him for that. He’s much stronger than I am, that’s for sure. He didn’t leave the sport behind when the odds seemed insurmountable. I commend him more for that than he’ll probably ever know. Why he chose that asshole Tsukkishima is beyond me. 

As the play started and the ball was thrown back I was shocked as instead of throwing it Atsumu set the ball down and Yamaguchi kicked it high into the air. I swear in that moment the entire city went quiet, you could hear a pin drop as we all watched the ball fly through the air. I couldn’t believe Atsumu, how confident must you be to do a play like this? It’s not even necessary, we won the game, there’s no way they can pull off more than a touchdown with a 2 point conversion in 37 seconds, but he still did it. I thought at first it might be just his competitive spirit fueling this, but then I saw him proudly smiling at Yamaguchi and I realized none of this was about the play. He wanted to give Yamaguchi the confidence he needed to play, so he could join the ranks of the first string. He needs to be confident for the difficult journey ahead, and Atsumu trusts him. 

Once the ball passed through the uprights the other team didn’t even bother attempting another play and conceded the match. The other quarter back actually seemed genuinely impressed as he shook Atsumu’s hand, but there was no time to talk as everyone poured out onto the field and the entire arena burst into loud cheers, confetti raining down from the stands. They pulled up Atsumu and he was handed the trophy, along with Yamaguchi who still seemed terrified even though he made a successful play. 

“Now that’s what we like to see! Atsumu Miya clenching the win and another victory for Penn State! We’re expecting a landslide victory for Miya and his team this NCAA season. After seeing these plays tonight it's no wonder he’s the current favorite for the draft season coming this spring. Any team would be lucky to have such an incredible player on their roster. What a truly talented kid!” One of the reporters had said nearby. 

**9:52 47-35 Penn State Wins**

I didn’t cheer along with the others, I didn’t join the crowd of cheering fans, nor did I go join the parties forming in the parking lot outside. I could have done about a million things, but instead I just stood there soaking it all in. Knowing that ultimately I made Homecoming weekend a roaring success. We won the game, my speech went great, the cultural festival had a great turn out. What more could I want?

So why did it hurt so much to watch from the sidelines?

I wish I wasn’t such a coward, that I should have just kept with it. If I did...I would have gotten to know Atsumu earlier, we could have formed a friendship, and then something stronger. We could play together, and I’d be the running back he could depend upon. We’d make the move even better than when I did it with Kageyama. I’d share his successes and joys with him on the field, not to mention spending more time with Kuroo and Bokuto, two of my greatest friends, basically family at this point. It seems like a lovely dream. 

But that’s a different story. 

So instead I ran off and helped with the tear down. I dispatched the cleaning crew to get all the confetti and trash left in the stands. I checked in on all the food and merch shops around the stadium. I busied myself as more and more people left the stadium, unlike in years past I had no interest in keeping my title as beer pong champion at the HAI party after the Homecoming game. Someone else could have it, I...don’t like that person I was before, I want to leave that person behind. I wish I hadn’t made a lot of the decisions I did, but...there’s no going back. 

**11:42**

I was surprised at the time as I made my way out of the stadium, not realizing how late it was until it was only me and the cleaning crew left in the stadium, the student body, all the spectators, and the news crews had packed up and vacated the area long ago. So I pulled on my jacket and clenched the clipboard at my side, feeling content that everything was checked off complete. I was however not prepared when I walked out to see someone sitting on the steps. I wished it wasn’t who I thought it was, but the bleach blond hair was unmistakable.

“Atsumu?” I asked and he turned his head and smiled as I walked towards him. “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked him and he stood up looking a little sheepish. 

“I wanted to see you after the game, but then I got swept away, and then I couldn’t find you...and, uhhh,...” he trailed off as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Why aren’t you at the party... _ for you? _ ” I asked him and he landed his eyes on me. 

“I don’t know, cuz I wanted to see you,” he said and I just stared at him blankly. 

“Well I’m here,” I said to him and he walked even closer to me somehow. 

“Having you there...was really great. I don’t think we would have had the ability to come back in the 3rd quarter without ya,” he said as he looked away and a deep blush appeared on his face. “Ya know everyone says Bokuto is the emotional one, but...maybe I am too,” he said and I smirked. 

“You aren’t anywhere near to Bokuto’s mood swings, trust me,” I said and Atsumu laughed and nodded. 

“You’re right,” he said. “Listen...um I know you don’t do parties, and that’s fine. I just...wanna spend the night with you. I won’t try anything, I promise,” he said holding up his hands and my brain was trying to process what was going on. 

“So you want to sleep with me?” I asked him and he widened his eyes. 

“No! I mean...like later on, with your consent, and stuff, but not now. I just don’t want to be away from you, shit not that it’s...just, um…” he was fumbling hard, trying to find the words to say. 

“Um...listen Atsumu...I don’t want to lead you on so I’ll do it again,” I need to stop this before either of us gets too deep. “You are such a great guy, and you should move on to someone else, we can still be friends, but...nothing more okay,” I said to him and he stared at me for a moment as his mind went through what I was saying. “I just wanted to be clear, we keep going back and forth, but you keep coming back. I need you to know for certain this can’t happen.” I hated the voice that came out of me, the coward that spoke in my place. I didn’t want that at all, and maybe that’s why I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. This isn’t the story I imagined in my mind, it’s something far different, more real and sad, and  _ pathetic _ . 

He looked,  _ really _ sad, but then he schooled his emotions and nodded as he bit his bottom lip. “It’s Tobio right? You’re still with him,” he said and I looked at him. 

“Huh?” I asked, how the fuck did he know him? Let alone...why would he bring this up now? I remember him talking strangely before, and I’m starting to piece together the things I had questioned before. 

“You’re still not over him,  _ fuck _ ,” he said as he turned away and rubbed his forehead. 

“No I am, that’s not the point!” I said to him and he turned towards me. 

“Then what is it? Because I still can’t understand any of this Shou? Everytime ya tell me to leave, but then ya kiss me, ya reach out to me, yur face is screaming at me how much you don’t want me to leave. So all I can assume is you’re still with Tobio, it’s the only explanation my mind can rationally think of,” he said to me and I felt my anger rising. 

“I don’t still love Kageyama, I haven’t for a long time. None of this-.”

“It’s all about him Shou, you leaving the sport, your confidence issues, you sleeping around, all of this is just destructive behavior ya do because you’re still not over that abusive prick!” He yelled at me and I pushed him, not that it would do anything, he didn’t even move an inch, but the point stood. 

“Fuck you! I don’t love him, I don’t. Trust issues, and  _ still in love _ are two different things.”

“Then what do you want from me? I’ll take whatever the fuck I can get Shou, why don’t you fuck me like the dozens before me? You think I’m dumb, like I don’t know about your long line of one night stands?” He asked me and I hated it. I hate that person who did that in the past, it’s not the real me. It’s not at all, but I did it. I can’t take it back. 

“Because...you’re-.”

“I’m what? Different? I thought it didn’t matter just as long as they’d fuck you till you forgot about your problems right?” He asked me, and it hurt to hear, but he’s right. 

“So what? You’re no different.”

“Maybe not, but I never claimed to be. Ya keep skirting around the fucking question, but I need to know. Why am I different? If all you want from me is one night I’m more than happy to oblige,” he said to me, and somehow it felt disgusting hearing those words from him. 

I glared up at him. “Fuck you!” I said, he’s right...but it made me mad to hear it out loud. 

“I’m trying to understand, Sho! If you don’t want me on an emotional level, then how about a physical one? I’ll fuck you and move on just like you want. Just like all the rest,” he said and I stared at him, my anger was at an all time high. Or maybe it wasn’t anger, frustration, guilt, and a lot of shame all coursed through me. 

“Fine!” I yelled and grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him down towards me. My voice was deadly calm and I made sure to lace each word with as much venom as I could muster, “Then don’t fucking talk to me ever again.” 

He thought about it for a moment, and schooled his features taking on a neutral tone as he grabbed my wrist and took my hand off his shirt. 

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger lol, but...it's where their relationship needed to go at this point. Either way thanks for reading! I'll be out with another chapter soon.
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	13. Atsumu POV: Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu and Hinata go back to Atsumu's dorm, but...things don't end how either of them thought it would. Everything comes to the surface, secrets revealed, and finally an ultimatum is given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS SOME MILD SEX IN THIS BE WARNED (it's really not that graphic, and lasts less than a paragraph, but it's there). 
> 
> Wow I'm sorry these took longer than I hoped they would both the Homecoming chapter and this one were extremely important to me and I didn't want to fuck it up so I made sure to take a while to go over these chapters. This is technically speaking the half way point of this story. I'm imagining about 30 chapters total for this series. I hope you all still enjoy this, and look forward to seeing how their relationship progresses in the future!

Fed up doesn’t begin to describe my state of being right now. No it’s something closer to fury, or maybe...maybe deep down this is what I expected the entire time. The fact that I thought I could even compare for a single moment in his fucking life was a joke. I’m a joke, I’m pathetic for continually chasing him, and I want one god damn incredible night before I forget about any of this. I’ll just drink tequila until I can’t think anymore, until I can’t remember that orange hair...those freckles, his beautiful eyes. 

Where did it all go wrong? Not that I’m a complete narcissist or anything, but...if I was the main character of this story I would have already gotten the love of my life, we would have made up on Homecoming, and he would have kissed me on the field after the game. We’d go to the party after, or just go hang out at the park where we kissed the first time. He’d apologize for ghosting me, and we’d start this wonderful relationship. It would be beautiful, something the NFL would eat up, and we’d both tell Kageyama to fuck off over voicemail. It really would be perfect. 

Yet here I am walking alone down the street, and I can hear his footsteps behind me, but I won’t look back. I looked down at my phone and saw that it was almost midnight, I saw a bunch of texts too but decided to ignore them. This was supposed to be a great day, one of the best of my life. I fucking pulled off a phenomenal game today, taking us back from the brink of destruction and shoving it right back in their face. I even got Yamaguchi on the field, even though I was worried the poor kid would pass out. Yet I couldn’t think about any of it after I looked over and saw Shou standing on the side lines looking so fucking miserable. 

The party was in full swing at the house, and lots of people outside came over to cheer me on, a few people handed me some drinks. I easily took back the awful shit someone made for me at the bar. I don’t even know what it was, but who cares. I’m already having a shitty fucking night let’s just make it worse. 

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked Shou as we walked into the house. At first people had walked over to congratulate me, but I don’t think my expression made people think I wanted to be approached right now. I don’t want to talk to anyone, fuck em all. They don’t even give a shit really anyways, why should I?

“Are you so bad I have to get drunk to enjoy it?” He asked me, and I could see the anger in his eyes. He’s mad, more mad than I thought he could ever be. And I caused it, no...fuck this. I’m the one that has a right to be mad, I’m not letting him jerk me around anymore. 

“Then fuck it I guess,” I said as I rolled my eyes and walked ahead. 

I saw him hesitating as we got to the stairs to go up to my room. My eyes flicked over and I saw Kuroo and Bokuto watching, Kuroo had started to wade through the crowd towards us giving me a furious look. He could easily stop me, and honestly I don’t even know if this is something I want. But I don’t back down from a fight, especially from one I know that I’m in the right. So I turned to Shou and leveled my gaze on him. 

“Your choice, you can keep running from this. I won’t talk to you come morning either way,” my voice was a lot clearer than I thought I’d be. Maybe it’s because I’m so over everything. I’ve said everything I needed to say, I’ve asked everything I could. If nothing else reaches him it’s a lost cause at this point.

He tapped his foot as he looked around, he spotted Kuroo wading through the crowd towards us, but waved him off. He looked back at me, and I could see the determination from here. After all he is a lot like me, not willing to back down from a fight. He stepped past me and grabbed my hand leading me up the stairs without another word. He didn’t want to falter, but he obviously didn’t know which room was mine. I kicked the door open to my room and pulled him in, turning the do not disturb sign before closing the door and looked at Shou standing uncomfortably in the middle of my room. 

I noticed him looking around, funny enough this is his first time in my room. I could see him looking at the various awards, sports posters, and photos on the wall. I allowed him to do this because I was annoyed by how polite I still wanted to be. Why can’t I just not keel over for him, just  _ one goddamn time _ . All he needs to do is flash me one of his pouting looks with his eyes and it’s over. Because I’m a fucking simp for this 5 foot six redhead and I can’t tell you how much it pisses me off. How much he’s managed to break down everything I’ve ever built to hide myself in just the few months I’ve been chasing after him is almost too much to bear. I’ve shown too many cracks in my armor, and he’s dug his knife into my wounds far too many times. 

“Ya know ya don’t have to do this, because if ya say yes to continue I’m not stopping until I’m satisfied,” I said sternly to him and he squared his shoulders as he turned back to me. 

“Is that what you want? I can’t imagine this is how you thought our first night together would be,” his tone was mocking, but he was right. This isn’t what I imagined  _ at all _ . 

“No I just figured you’d run away, you’re good at it,” I shot back at him. Maybe it’s childish, stupid even, fucking pointless, but...it felt good. I’ll regret it in the morning, but I didn’t care as I grabbed the pint of tequila from behind Osamu’s bookshelf and took a swig. 

“Fuck you.”

“Right back at ya,” I said airly, what more is there to say? We’re broken past repair, and both of us want the other to hurt. Because it feels good, because now we have nothing left to lose. No games in the way, no bribes, or anything else. It’s just us and the fucked up situation we ended up in. “You gonna do it with your clothes on? Because that’s gonna be a little difficult,” I said to him and he stared at me. 

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“Nah Shou...I’m fucking not,” I said stalking over to him and I stood in front of him. “So your choice, you gonna strip, or suck my cock. Your choice.” I said to him and he closed his eyes slightly and took a deep breath. 

To my surprise he got down on his knees and pulled my pants down. He sure knew what he was doing as he pulled out my member and licked it slowly. I closed my eyes and sighed as he took it in his mouth and I felt that incredible rush. I know I’m supposed to be mad, I should be rough with him, but I didn’t want to. I wanted him to enjoy himself too, but that’s unlikely. Even now as he continued to work on me, edging me further and further towards that release, it looked like he was just getting the job done. Not engaged, just completing a task, waiting for it to be over. 

“Stop.” I said as I pushed him off, and I hated how beautiful he looked kneeling on the ground between my legs. Lips ruby red and covered in spit as he stared up at me. 

“What? Can’t do it?” He challenged me, but...there was something else there. 

I wasn't even hard anymore. The entire idea didn’t seem to be what I wanted anymore. I pulled up my pants and turned back towards my bed. “I don’t want this anymore. I just...am sick of  _ this _ ,” I’m not even sure what all encompassed  _ this _ , but he seemed to get the picture. 

“I’m offering my body as repayment for the pain I’ve caused you. Use it,  _ use me _ ,” he said and I hated how pathetic the both of us sounded. 

“What do you want me to say Shou? Because you know damn well you’re worth more than sex to me. I was just saying shit earlier cuz I was angry...I didn’t mean any of it. Plus I ain’t gonna force ya to do something ya don’t even fucking want. Let’s not both go past a point we can’t return from,” I said to him. 

From inside the room it felt so quiet it made me sick. There’s thousands of people in and around the house, but in this room there’s just us, and it’s not  _ fun _ . This thing that I loved, this person I cared so much before has been reduced to this toxic taste in my mouth and I just want to spit it out. I looked over and Shou didn’t seem upset, he actually seemed shocked. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes and I sighed. I made him cry again, it seems neither of us can ever just be happy with the other. Maybe that’s the lot in life for the both of us. 

“Go home Shou, I promise I’ll never say anything to ya again. I’m gonna drop out after the season’s over anyways. So you’ve only got to deal with me for two more months. So go,” I motioned lamely towards the door. 

He still stood there, seemingly shocked by this turn of events. The tears flowed down his face now, and I sighed looking at him. I hated how much pain he’s in, and knowing that I caused even a fraction of it makes me feel fucking awful...but I can’t take it back, and neither can he. We’re stuck in a never ending cycle of pain and mistrust. To be honest...I don’t even really know this guy. I know only what I’ve heard from other people, or small conversations here and there. But I sure as hell don’t know the real Shou, that’s for certain. He probably doesn’t know the real me either, not that I bothered to show him. These are all things I can regret later in life, here and now is a different story. 

“I...don’t want you to go.” His voice sounded strangled, like his true inner thoughts were finally breaking free of the restraints he put on them. Like he was actually speaking his thoughts for the first time in his life. 

I just laughed bitterly. “There you go again, telling me one thing, and then saying something else entirely different. What am I supposed to do Shou? You think this is good for either of us right now?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what fucking is?!” I think both of us were surprised that I yelled in the middle of this room. 

“That I think about you every second of every damn day. That I constantly dream of your lips on mine, that all I want more than anything is to build a  _ future with you _ ,” his words were choked out between sobs. Probably the Atsumu I was a month or so ago would have gone over and hugged him, but I still sat on the bed. He didn’t move towards me either. 

“Then why don’t you? What’s the fucking problem?”

“ME!” He screamed at me and I just stared at him. “None of this is your fault, none of it! I said this before you fucking idiot!” He ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders, it was almost painful, but I didn’t shy away. “You’re so good, better than I am. You’re strong, confident, everything I’d love to be. But this is the real me, constantly anxious and depressed. I can’t be that person you fell in love with for the rest of my life. I can’t be just this thing in which you pine for. I am  _ me,  _ Shouyou Hinata 5 foot 6 inches, red hair, a bonafide workaholic, a washed up high school varsity athlete, someone with trust issues, and a short attention span. I’m all of these things and more and I can’t hide them all from you. I’m far too afraid you’ll come to hate me like…” his voice finally drops off and he leans forward until his face is pressed into the crook of my neck. His hands were shaking violently as he gripped the front of my shirt. So I just sat there and let him cry. 

“I’m not that person either...and I didn’t fall in love with this image ya project to the world or some shit,” I said to him quietly and he didn’t move, but he seemed to still as he listened to me. “I fell in love with the guy who makes funny faces and wild hand gestures while talking about things he loves. The guy who makes friends with everyone, yet gets queasy before a big game. The guy who comforted me, and confided in me when no one else wanted to get too close to me because everyone thought I was  _ too perfect _ . Ya didn’t care about any of that, these titles or facades we presented to the world. Ya just...seemed to genuinely like me. You’re a spitfire, who doesn’t like to lose. There’s lots and lots of things I love about you. Those other things like anxiety and depression...I’ve got it too. I get anxious before a game, I also get depressed. My moods aren’t so simple as depressed, anxious, or anything in between. They come in waves, and I find I’ll be on a high for a few weeks and then I’ll plummet hard into a depression. I usually conceal it well, but I hide that from the world. We’ve all got secrets Shou. And if Kageyama got bored or annoyed with you for being  _ human _ then he’s a bigger prick than I thought he was already,” I said to him and he laughed quietly into my shirt. His tears welled up in the cotton of my shirt, but I made no move for him to move. This is the first time we’ve ever had a conversation like this. A real one, not anything fake, or with anything to prove. Something  _ real _ . 

“See...you really are too nice. But…” he stood up and faced me head on. “I want to sleep with you, I really do,” he said determinedly. 

I felt myself lean back slightly, all I could think of was if this was the goodbye I’d originally expected when coming into this room. Our last hurrah before all this raging fire between us turned to smoke and ash. “Shou, if this is-.”

He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine and I couldn’t help but grip the back of his neck and hold him there. “Stop thinking, I want someone to  _ love me _ . So just be that for now, for once….I don’t want to forget having sex with you. I want to feel this feeling forever, and if in the morning I still can’t have you then I can at least remember,” his hands weren’t shaking anymore as he settled his hands on my shoulders. 

“You can always have me Shou, but I’m not comfortable with this.  _ This _ ,” I said motioning to the space around us haphazardly, “is too complicated for a one night stand, or some sort of weird goodbye. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, and had lots of unsatisfying sex in my life. But not with  _ you _ , not you. Because you are different to me. You’re different from all these other scrubs in the world. You’re someone I want to  _ love _ , nothing finite like a fling or driven with sexual desire, it’s greater than that. All encompassing... _ but _ the point still stands that you’ve hurt me.”

He studied my face for a while, his hand would reach up and brush along my jawline, up towards my cheek bones, and then finally slowly brushing them through my still slightly damp hair. Each touch, every stroke of his finger made me feel alive again. I want more, if I was a lesser man, if things were different, I would have already had him on my bed panting and wanting. So why don’t I? I’m young, attractive, and overly confident some might say. Yet I couldn’t, this loud voice in my mind was telling me to wait. One screw up with him and I’ll lose him forever. So I’ll bide my time. 

“I’m sorry. I truly am, you didn’t deserve any of that. I…” he bit his lip as he looked away from me. “I know what it feels like to be jerked around by someone who doesn’t want you in their life. He... _ Kageyama _ had called after you kissed me in the park.” I held back any snide remarks for the moment as he spoke, but another voice in my mind had started to scream at me.  _ Why did he answer the phone _ ? “We spoke briefly...he actually called to ask me about you, and...I told him that I’m interested in you.” A vague response, and not a great way to word this all encompassing emotions we feel, but I just let him talk. “He told me I was foolish, that...no one could love me without growing tired of me, and that I should just be back with him since we worked so well together,” he pathetically laughed, but the tears were dripping down his face. “I told him he was wrong, that we didn’t fit at all. We constantly fought, he was always too rough with me, and...he never  _ actually _ cared about me. Thinking back...I don’t think he ever told me he loved me and we were together for  _ four years _ .” His tears were constant now, and it became hard to hear him as he sucked in deep breaths between his sobs, but I just let him talk. He wants me to hear, he trusts me. So I’ll sit and listen. “He said that wasn’t true, and that we were too immature and dumb to understand what a real relationship was. He...asked to see me again, said we should try again and make it work this time. That that would be the  _ most convenient option _ for the both of us,” he laughed again as he hung his head low, and just laughed expelling his pent up emotions and tears onto the carpet. “I always knew that it was convenient for him to be with me, but it fucking  _ hurts  _ to hear. I...gave up everything for him, let him hurt me to the point that I wasn’t even  _ me  _ anymore. I had formed myself into the person he wanted me to be. Forced myself into this pathetic person that I hated. So when he left, I was left with this useless person with so many past mistakes...what do you do? You start over. You find out what you want, and you find out what numbs the pain. I have hopes and dreams, but most of them were left behind for a purpose I had pursued for other people. But...what do  _ I  _ want, what makes me  _ genuinely _ happy? I don’t know, I still don’t, and I thought I’d have the confidence to fucking say _ anything _ in response to Kageyama on the phone, but I didn’t. I just sat silently and cried in the park for hours and hours until my hands got so cold I couldn’t feel them anymore. _ `` _

He was quiet for a long time as he regained his composure, and I just let him do what he needed as he took in deep breaths. He looked back up at me and moved forward so he was straddling my hips now and I held him there as he steadied his gaze at me. He made no move to kiss me, or to initiate something more, he just sat there staring at me intently. “The truth is...that with you around, I started to finally think about what makes me happy. I...think that’s what scared me the most, is that...you’re someone I  _ want _ in my life. You’re not like my friends who took on the role of my family, who dote on me too much, or the others who know about the sad pathetic Hinata who went to the psych ward freshman year. You just... _ liked _ me. It scared me a lot, thinking I had to live up to that expectation, to be this thing you loved, that I would have to work for it...but that’s not the case at all. My idea of love, or relationships is fundamentally flawed because I don’t have anything to compare it to. Just this sad, unloving thing I used to be in.”

His hands reached up and cupped my face. “You’re just  _ so good _ , I mean it. Too good for this world. You’re confident, overwhelmingly so at times. You’re devastatingly handsome, and...genuine. More genuine than I’ve ever seen. You didn’t care if you had to put it all on the line, even your pride, just to get my phone number and I just couldn’t get over it. How can someone this good, this amazing  _ love  _ me? I wondered why you didn’t run away, especially when I was so mean to you. I thought you’d get tired of me and we’d all move on with our lives, but...you had the audacity to love me back. What am I supposed to do with that?” He seemed mystified by me, mystified by the idea that someone could genuinely love him. Which hurt more than anything else he said this night. 

“I...want to play football, I want to also stay with track which I’ve found I really enjoy. I want to grow old with someone and buy a house together, and decorate it with things we found together. I want to coach a team someday, or maybe do something entirely different. I want to go to Brazil and sit on the beach for hours soaking in the sun. I want someone willing to love me with all their heart and not with conditions or fleeting emotions. I want something that will continue past this year, something that I can count on to be there when everyone else disappears. College...isn’t forever. This bubble we live in is finite, and will one day disappear and we’ll be forced to live in the real world. I need someone I can count on, but more importantly...someone I allow to have my trust. Which is not easy to earn, ask any of my friends,” he said and I stared at him. 

“So what does all this mean Shou?” I asked him, I wanted him to say what he wanted. He can’t skirt around the subject anymore. I need the truth more than anything. 

“I want you to be my friend first. Is that okay? Can’t we just...get to know each other. The  _ real  _ us, not this,” he said motioning to the same thing I had earlier. “I want to know about you, stories from your childhood, I want to know the good and the bad. I’ll tell you mine too, just...I need time. Can you give me that? I don’t even know if I can even ask that after everything I’ve done to you,” he said almost too quiet to hear over the thumping bass still blaring downstairs, but neither of us seemed to even care that anything was going on outside this room. It’s all in this room, in these four walls we finally peeled back the thick layers of protection around our hearts, and laid bare for the other to see. It hurt, and it’s painful, but it’s what we needed. 

“I think that’s a good idea. But we’ll need to set some ground rules,” I said to him and he nodded slowly, not wavering. “First...no flirting, kissing, or touching. I’m going to be honest Shou, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself so I need this more than you do,” I said and he giggled quietly, but nodded. “If at any time we feel that this isn’t working we need to be honest. No more lying or running away. I’m not going to run away, you could punch me in the face and I’d still be here,” his gaze settled on mine, the small smile leaving his lips. 

“That’s not a healthy attitude,” he said to me after a moment of silence. 

“It’s not going to change, it’s part of my personality. Something you’ll learn more about,” I said as I looked at him. His beautiful self, knowing that this was going to be the last time for a while, I soaked in the sight of him on my lap, and tried to not think too much about his mouth on my-.

“Any other rules?”

“Ya have to tutor me in English.”

We were both quiet for a moment before laughing and he fell on top of me and pushed me back onto the bed. The laughing died down as we stared at each other, I saw his eyes drift down to my lips, and there was no way I could stop him as he pressed his lips to mine. I closed my eyes and we languidly kissed for what felt like an eternity. When he stopped and stared down at me both of us started laughing again. 

“We’ve only got 3 rules, and we broke one of them already,” I said to him and he quieted as he sat up and moved off of me. 

I propped myself up on my elbows as I watched him stand there his finger came up and brushed his red bottom lip as he thought for a moment. “I’m in, on your terms. It’s the least I can do for you. I’m...going to go home, I can’t even explain to you how tired I am,” he said awkwardly. 

“I can walk ya home or-.”

“No! Enjoy your party, please. I’ll be fine,” he said and I just nodded as I fully sat up now. 

“Alright, text me when you get back,” I said to him and he smiled as he nodded. 

“Yeah...sure Tsumu. Night,” he said as he left the room and the door shut behind him. 

I sat there for a long time trying to absorb what just happened. I can’t believe I fuckign rejected him, pent up doesn’t even begin to describe my state of being, but...I know it was the right choice. I sat and listened to the music blaring from downstairs for a long time, the slight buzz I had gotten from the few shots I had taken earlier had well worn off now. Not to mention the party was starting to die down now that it’s almost 2 in the morning. Yet here I sat, not even going to the party that was basically held for me. I guess...things really do change. 

I checked my phone and saw a bunch of messages from random people congratulating me on the game, including an email from my phys ed teacher which I wasn’t expecting, but was appreciated. However there were a few choice messages that caught my eye. So I opened up the messages before I got an earful. 

Osamu always starts off so eloquently when he texts me. 

_ Where the fuck are you?  _ **10:25PM**

_ Kuroo just said you went to the liquor store???  _ **11:02PM**

_ Do you not realize how much we have in this house?  _ **11:03PM**

_ You fucking asshole answer my texts  _ **11:49PM**

_ Fine, whatever be that way.  _ **11:55PM**

_ … _

_ Ma wants to see ya tomorrow.  _ **12:37AM**

_ Don’t do something you’ll regret.  _ **** **12:42AM**

And a few from Shou popped up

_I’m home_ **2:54AM**

 _It was really a great game_ **2:55AM**

_ Please get some sleep _ **3:02AM**

Even though we’re twins some might guess Osamu is the older one, and they might be right...I’ve always been reckless, selfish, and mean at times. I can admit my faults, I was angry for a long time. Angry about things I couldn’t change, and mad that I had made myself into this perfect untouchable person for the attention of someone who just  _ didn’t care _ . Not that I can blame my asshole Dad, I did this, and I have a better life than a lot of people. Being sad and kicking myself for things I can’t control or change seems futile at this point. 

So I just laid down in bed and slept, slept better than I have in a long time. It felt like the enormous weight of the past couple months had finally been taken off my shoulders. A moment of reprieve from the shit storm that’s been these past few months. The grueling training I was putting myself through, the inevitable break down and trip home, and then whatever the fuck happened these past few weeks all melted away. Because I didn’t have to say goodbye, because I didn’t have to hurt myself anymore. Shou said he wanted to make a  _ future with me _ . I’ve been ‘in love’ before, but that was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. 

I got up very unceremoniously and noticed the room was still empty and the light was coming through the window. So I got up and showered and put myself together. I then went downstairs and helped the other guys clean the house. None of them asked any questions, and I was incredibly thankful for that. Kuroo just patted my shoulder, and Bokuto and Akaashi had offered to make me coffee. A peace offering, or maybe they’re just my friends...I’m not sure which is closer to the truth. I don’t think before now I ever really cared about making friends. 

I just had people around me that I found useful, or just made sense to have around. Most of the people I’d consider to be my friends would be people on the football team just because we spend so much time together, but...I don’t think i’ve ever just hung out in the living room to play video games, or to go out and get drinks, or even just study at the library together. All of these things seemed insignificant in the pursuit of my goals in life, but now I wonder what I’m supposed to do. Can I still form these friendships after ignoring it for so long? Will anyone want to be friends with me? I’m not exactly that fun of a person to be around, thick headed, intensely competitive, and a fucking jerk. I guess….I never thought about it before. 

“I’ll be the one to ask since they’re all too chicken to ask,” Oikawa asked as he stood across from the table watching me stare into my coffee. I could see that he had a good night, his collarbone and neck was covered in bites and hickeys, and his smug expression told me that he was probably still a little drunk. Of course he’d be the one to be nosy enough to ask, and I tried to ignore how the conversation went quiet in the other room when he asked me. 

“Ask what?”

“What happened with you and Hinata last night?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said pointedly and I didn’t want to have this conversation. 

“Honestly...nothing happened. I couldn’t do it. We...decided to start over, a clean slate. We talked for a while and then he went home. That’s it,” I said to him and he smiled as he nodded seemingly happy with my answer. 

“Good...I’m glad. I think you can help him, but...more importantly he can help you too,” he said and for the first time it sounded 100% genuine coming from him. It was...strange to say the least. 

“It’s too early for this,” I said waving him off and turning away from him. 

“Fine fine, but...that was a great game yesterday. You’ll do great in the future, maybe think about taking some time for yourself for once. I know it’s a strange concept to you meatheads, but...there is a life after football. It comes sooner for some more than others,” he said to me and I nodded solemnly. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately I’ve thought about being in the professional circuit for so long...I struggle to think about what happens  _ after _ .” I don’t know why I was talking to him about this to be honest. Maybe it’s cuz I sympathize with his injury he got in his freshman year, which paved the way for me to take over his position. Iwaizumi never got into the details, but I can gather that it wasn’t the best time in Oikawa’s life. I couldn’t imagine something like that happening to me, I’m not sure I’ve got any other redeeming qualities outside of sports. What would I do if football didn’t exist, it seems like a stupid question, but one I keep asking myself. 

“You’ll have to, but for the time being enjoy yourself. You’ve got your senior championship to win,” he gave me a final knowing smirk before slinking off back into the other room. 

Right...it feels like this is the last game of the year, but in fact it’s only the beginning of a grueling 3 month championship league with long weekends of away games and a strenuous training regime. This is my starting point, I’m not going to go back and be that person I was before. I’m going to start again. I can’t live in the moment forever, it’s time to move forward. Time to change things,  _ change it all _ . 

“Now I know y'all didn’t actually expect me to walk into this house am I right?” I heard a familiar voice say and I widened my eyes as I watched my mother walk into the kitchen and raise her eyebrows at me. 

“Uh no Ma, I didn’t-.”

“Oh baby, I know that look,” she said as she interrupted me and I didn’t know what to say. “Text Osamu, and come on,” she said as she hauled me out the door before anyone could make fun of me. 

This is very typical for her. She was a single mom raising two hellian twins and going to college all at the same time. She never had a lot of time, so she’d always go fast when she was with us. Never waiting or dilly dallying around for her. I really respected it growing up, but it’s difficult to deal with the southern gale storm that is Keiko Ito. She even waved at the boys as she walked through the house and out the door, all of the guys staring wide eyed at everything they just saw. I didn’t stop to answer any questions either. 

“I’m sorry Ma, I was gonna text, but-.”

“I can’t tell if it’s a hangover, depression, or heartbreak. So enlighten me,” she said as she walked towards her car and I just stared ahead as I stood outside the car. 

“A little of all three,” I said to her and she nodded thoughtfully as she walked to the driver’s side and texted someone. 

“Osamu is bringing that nice Kyoomi to lunch and I do hope they aren’t hungover. Let’s go on a drive and give them some time to sober up,” I didn’t really have room to argue so I just got in and she made her way slowly down the street. 

It was quiet for a while, and she didn’t push me to speak, she’d just check on me every so often, but gave me time. “So what did you think of-.”

“The game was great sugar, but I expected nothing less from you.” She said cutting me off, her eyes seemed to be trying to run the numbers as to what’s wrong. She’s trying to see if she can come up with the answer without me saying anything. To be honest I don’t even know if I have processed what happened last night. Either way I have to live with the choices I’ve made. 

“You look different, that’s what I thought,” she said after a moment and I just looked at her. She smiled warmly as she stared ahead and we drove down the winding streets and away from the clutter of college town. “A lot different from the sad kid who was shoving himself through my kitchen window a few weeks ago.”

“Good or bad?” I asked her quietly and she snorted as she shrugged. 

“Little of both. So ya gonna talk or am I gonna have to coax it out of ya?” She asked me and I just stared ahead at the minivan in front of us. My eyes scanning each sticker on the trunk before deciding to answer. 

“I...things were going great and then...they weren’t, with Shou,” I said to her, and she didn’t seem surprised by this. “I thought we had hit it off and I even...kissed him after the game last Saturday. But...then he ignored me all week and I got pissed off and angry. It’s pissing me off because he pushes me away, but then he asks for me to stay. And I am mad, and upset, and…” how do I continue? I don’t know what else I am, I’m not even entirely sure I’m mad anymore. There’s something different, something I can’t quite figure out. 

“Did you do something you regret last night?” She asked me, insinuating if I slept with him or not and I shook my head as I leaned back in the seat. 

“No I actually...I stood up for myself. I told him that I felt hurt, and that I wanted an explanation, and I wanted to know if there was anything I could do. We’ve both been hurting each other for months and now I...just want it to stop. So we talked it out, and I think we’re friends now... _ but _ …” I fell silent because I don’t know what that ‘ _ but’  _ is. 

“This reminds me of something your father had said to me in high school,” she said as she looked out the window. “ _ I can’t imagine a life without you, but it’s painful with you in it _ ,” she said quietly and I just studied her face as she said it. The sadness in her eyes, but the acceptance there too. 

“I think in another world if we would have allowed ourselves to talk it through, to not just skip over all the bad stuff and just focus on the love we had we probably still would have been together. Both of us were selfish with what we wanted in our relationship, he had goals and ambitions, and I wanted a family. Those things oppose each other, and neither of us were willing to compromise. Both of us are too strong willed to back down, reminds me a little of someone,” she said, giving me a wink and I just waved her off. 

“Who do you think I learned it from?” I asked her with a sly smile, and she messed up my hair good naturedly before we settled back into mutual silence. 

“I think you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and a bright future ahead of you. If I can ask...why is he  _ the one _ ? Because I thought I was sure too, but here we are,” she said and I sighed as I stared out the window again watching the city fade away. 

“Because, I can feel it. Like everything is different when it’s with him. I’ve...uh...been with a few people in the past,” I tried to choke my way through, and she just rolled her eyes, but didn’t comment. “But it’s nothing like this, nothing has ever been like this. Mostly because for once in my life I’m willing to compromise, to wait patiently for something. I don’t want to be selfish, I want to give him everything. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s naïve, I don’t really give a shit. I’m just...I know what I want. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole life.”

There’s more silence in the car, but this one is different. Mom just nodded and kept thinking to herself as she drove, lightly tapping her finger on the steering wheel to some Allman Brothers CD she had on. However as the minutes passed she smiled more and more before she pulled off into a gas station parking lot and parked the car. She turned towards me with a bright smile on her face. 

“I’m proud of you son, this shows that you really care. That you’re thinking about the future, and not just something in the moment. Makes me...makes me realize how much my boys have grown,” she said and I finally realized that she had some tears in her eyes. 

I reached forward and it kind of hurt and was at an awkward angle, but we hugged in the car and I finally felt my muscles in my back relax after what felt like a lifetime of stress. Once she finally let me go she brushed the tears out of her eyes and sat back in her seat. “Did you come here to interrogate me or is there a reason you pulled me out of my room?”

“I wanted to have a nice lunch with my two favorite boys since I took  _ work off _ and drove  _ nine hours _ to watch you play  _ football _ ,” she said pointedly and I sighed, but smiled as she started up the car again and we drove back to the city. 

“Thanks for coming Ma,” I said to her and she smiled. 

“Of course sweetie,” she said as she pinched my cheek. “Can’t wait for your first professional game and then I can cry in the stands on national television,” she said and I just laughed. 

“Well it might be coming true sooner than you think,” I said to her and she peered over at me for a moment. The taping of her finger returned as she thought about what I said. 

“Atsumu Miya, if you even  _ think _ of dropping out of university before getting your degree I swear to  _ GOD ABOVE _ I will trap you in your gross frat house until you graduate you little ingrate,” she said to me and I just widened my eyes as I turned away. 

“I’m favoured for the spring draft, and the Steelers-.”

“Get your god damn degree or I’ll murder you.”

“But I don’t even-.”

“I did not have a full ride, and finished college in my 30’s with two kids and I paid $80,000 dollars for a fancy piece of paper and it’s among the proudest achievements of my life. So you’re going to get your Bachelors of Science in whatever the hell you’ve been putzing around doing for the last 4 years, and then you can join a professional team and make millions. But you’ll be making millions  _ with  _ a bachelor's degree,” she said pointedly and I just nodded. 

“Fine, sure yeah I’m sorry Ma,” I said and she sighed as she let her shoulders fall. 

“This isn’t about sports is it?” She asked me and I didn’t look back at her. 

“No it’s-.”

“You’re planning on running away,” she said to me and I just bit the inside of my cheek as I stared out the side window. 

“No I’m-.”

“Yes you are, don’t lie to me.”

We were silent again in the car. Most of our conversations have been like this, where she already somehow seems to magically know what I’m thinking without me even saying it. But she  _ wants me to say it _ out loud. Like I’ll magically understand the situation more if I just talk about it. It does work and it makes me mad, but I didn’t sign up for this. Real talks about my future scare me, or maybe I’m worried this great plan I’m on track for isn’t even what I want. Something I’ve been lacking in my life, things like friends and  _ love _ , I didn’t think I needed them. I didn’t before, but it’s different now. 

“Yeah I am Ma, what more do ya want from me? I’m already sitting here spilling my guts like a fucking loser,” I said angrily to her, but she didn’t seem mad. She probably knows I don’t mean it. 

“I just don’t want you to make a choice you’ll regret in 10 years down the road. God knows that I do. I want you to have a great future, but...it is up to you,” she said quietly and I just stared ahead. 

“I never thought I ever needed anyone else. Everyone always told me that I could do it on my own. I was popular, athletic, I had everything. I worked so fucking hard every fucking day to make myself perfect, until I realized I was on a level that no one else could reach. I was utterly alone, at least I had Samu, but...it’s not that simple. He doesn’t even wanna play professional anyways. He’s found what he wants, someone who wants to be with him, friends, and a career outside of this charade I’ve been living. I feel stupid, childish even. Everyone around me seems to have their lives together while I don’t even know what the fuck to do. I don’t even know how to make friends, I’m fucking 22 and I don’t know how to talk to people,” I said to her and she just smiled as we continued driving. 

“That’s life kiddo,” she said with a laugh as she stared ahead. “You stick with what you feel comfortable with, and you keep doing it hoping you’ll find fulfilment in it someday. I think you will, you just need to  _ try _ . Go out with your teammates some time, go to a party on campus and actually enjoy yourself. Try it, you might be surprised with what you find,” she said to me and I just looked back at her. 

“That really isn’t what I wanted to hear.”

“But it’s what I have for ya Tsumu sweetie,” she ruffled my hair again and I pretended to roll my eyes at her as we looked ahead. “Look forward to life Atsumu. Try to be happy, and...maybe see a therapist on campus. Sometimes talking about things with a professional can be helpful,” she said and I looked over at her for a long time. 

“I’d never live it down if anyone found out.”

“It’s very common honey, I go to a therapist. Maybe we should recommend Shouyo goes to one as well,” she said with a nod as she looked ahead and I sighed. 

“I’ll think about it, does that make you happy?” 

“If you enjoy your life, that makes me more happy than anything in the world.”

“Alright, enough of this, let’s go get Samu so I can harass him and his scary boyfriend,” I said to her as I tried to hide the fact that I was wiping away tears. 

“Omi can’t be that scary.”

“Wait till you see him.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, but please don’t be too mean to him alright.”

“I’m the fucking one that got my heart broken  _ again _ why do-.”

“Stop being a shit honey,” she said with a sickly sweet tone and I sat back in the chair. 

“Fine fine, just...fine.” I said as I stared ahead. 

This is my new start, I’m heading off towards the things that I want. It’s not too late, I can start again, make friends, find love. Find something real. I want things that last, something that doesn’t make me feel like shit. I’m going to build something stronger than what I have, and move forward. This isn’t the end, and I’m not a lost cause. I’m going to become someone I’m proud of, and that starts today. What did that one poet say in class?

_ Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— _

_ I took the one less traveled by, _

_ And that has made all the difference. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was at least somewhat makes up for leaving you on a painful cliffhanger last chapter lol.  
> The next few updates are going to be more "intermission chapters because I had a DaiSuga brainrot recently, and this little chapter I wrote for them is giving me so much serotonin I can't even begin to tell you.  
> I also have a few things that need to happen before we get into the "final arc" of this fic if that makes any sense. Let me know if there's a certain ship you want to see more of, maybe even a Tendou and Ushijima meet up?? I don't know I've got a lot of ideas, and more than enough space on my google doc lol.  
> Either way thanks for reading, and all the comments last chapter made my heart soar I can't thank you all enough. <3 <3
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


	14. Suga POV: E PLOT?? (5th Intermission)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi disappears after the Homecoming game, and Suga doesn't know why. We get a glimpse into their first date as teenagers, and a surprise snow day!
> 
> THERE'S MILD SEX IN THIS CHAPTER BE WARNED
> 
> (the italicized text) is like the past memory)
> 
> (Also in this universe being gay is fine and not seen as anything out of the ordinary. Listen, I'm not trying to suspend disbelief, but I'm gay and my coming out story wasn't good whatsoever, so writing about 20 of them would be fucking depressing. So we're gonna just let this slide lol).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS MILD SEXUAL STUFF NOTHING CRAZY BUT ITS IN HERE
> 
> Thanks for all the comments on the past chapters, and I'm so thrilled that the story is at almost 3000 hits it makes me want to cry. I'm sorry if you want more of the story, but these intermission chapters let me expand the universe I'm creating, and wow I love Suga and Daichi <3
> 
> So thanks for reading, I read all the comments and thank you all for the continued support! I've got more main plot coming soon, a fun chapter with Hinata at his big track and field tournament, and another intermission chapter for Oikawa and Iwa <3 <3 
> 
> Let me know what ya'll want to see in the future. I'm thinking that currently this is about the half way point of the story I'm trying to create here. I don't have everything fully written out, but I've storyboarded everything. (My roommates think I'm crazy will all the loose leaf paper on my desk lol). 
> 
> Again, thank you all the support means the world to me <3

I’m not sure why, but recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. Maybe it’s nostalgia, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m graduating university, but either way I’ve been reminiscing a lot. However through it all there’s one person who’s been in all my happiest memories. As I sat here after school let out while grading papers I just kept thinking about one of the first times Daichi took me on a date. We both grew up in Montana, surrounded by beautiful landscapes, and rolling plains. I sometimes miss it compared to how crowded and loud it is in the city here in Pittsburgh. 

I was 17 when Daichi took me on a date for the first time. 

_ “Daichi’s here,” My Mom said as she barged into my room at 6:30 in the morning. “I thought New Years together would have been enough,” she said with a wink and I just waved her off as I rubbed my eyes. _

_ “Listen, I do like seeing him, but it’s too early in the morning,” I looked awful. Just a ratty grey shirt and some shorts. I didn’t even want to know what my hair looked like. Daichi really didn’t give me any time to prepare. Not that I would have woken up if he had called earlier.  _

_ “You’ll have to start getting up this early once you become a teacher, even earlier,” Mom said and I just nodded as I walked past her.  _

_ “That can wait, for now sleeping in is nice. At least we don’t have 5AM practice that the coach makes them do. It’s hard enough for me to just get up, I can’t imagine having to train like this too,” I said to her and she just snorted before leaving the room.  _

_ I opened the front door and there Daichi was. It was still cold out in February, but he only wore a shirt and some joggers. He must have showered before he left since his hair was still wet. “Morning!” He said,  _ way _ too chipper for 7 in the morning.  _

_ “You do...know what time it is right?” I asked him and he just smiled at me.  _

_ “I do.” _

_ “And you know that it’s Sunday.” _

_ “Correct.” _

_ “Our only day off.” _

_ “Right.” _

_ “The only day we can sleep in, and-.” _

_ “Do you want to hear why I’m here or do you want to go back to bed?” He asked me and I sighed as I leaned forward.  _

_ “You could sleep with me,” I said to him and he smiled as he rested his hands on my waist.  _

_ “That does sound lovely, but I’ve got a whole day planned. So go get dressed,” he said and I blinked at him.  _

_ “Huh?” _

_ “Go get dressed,” he said again and I still just stood there.  _

_ “What is-.” _

_ “This is a date Suga, I have a whole day planned, but it starts with you putting clothes on that you won’t freeze to death in.” _

_ “You’re one to talk, how are your hands this warm in just a shirt I’m going to die just standing here,” I said to him and he smiled as he looked around quickly before kissing me.  _

_ “I have the car for the day, I’m gonna take care of you. Wear something comfortable,” he said to me and I just sighed, but smiled warmly as I turned back around to go inside.  _

_ “Wait here then,” I said to him and he followed me in quietly as I made my way upstairs towards my room.  _

_ I managed to get myself together faster than I thought I would. I did my hair, washed my face, found some cute yet comfortable clothes, and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. I was surprised to hear a quiet conversation going on in the kitchen. I peered into the kitchen to see my Dad talking to Daichi. They both had coffee cups, and they were just talking with each other, yet it seemed so wonderful to me. Knowing that my parents approved of Daichi long before any talk of dating was thrown around makes me happier than I care to admit.  _

_ “You found a good one,” My Mom said as she appeared next to me.  _

_ “I sure did,” I said with a warm smile and she used one arm to squeeze my shoulder and then leaned over and pecked me on the cheek.  _

_ “Daichi honey please tell me you have a jacket,” My Mom said as she went into the kitchen interrupting whatever conversation Dad and him were originally having.  _

_ “I do, I just left it in the car,” Daichi said and I had to cover my mouth to hide my laugh.  _

_ It’s obvious to tell when Daichi is lying, he taps his hand on his thigh, and his right eyebrow twitches slightly. Just little things I’ve discovered about him over the years. Just like the fact that he doesn’t like wearing coats or sweaters since he’s so hot all the time. God...I can’t even begin to explain to you how happy I am that he’s  _ mine. 

_ “Alright well don’t be out too late since you have school tomorrow,” Dad said as he patted Daichi on the back with a big smile.  _

_ “Of course, I’ll have him back before 10,” he said to both of my parents and I just watched this conversation with a smile on my face.  _

_ “Alright, go have fun, and Suga dear...don’t get into any trouble,” Mom said with a wink and I smiled and waved her off as Daichi and I pulled on our shoes and left the house.  _

_ We walked quietly to the car, an old station wagon with the wood paneling, Daichi is the middle child among 3 brothers and 2 sisters so he is the 4th owner of this beauty that still somehow runs like a top. We didn’t need to say anything as our fingers easily intertwined as we walked down the gravel path towards the car. Everything with us is easy like that, something I don’t even need to think about, an effortless kind of love.  _

_ “Have you told your parents yet?” I asked him and he deliberately looked anywhere else, but at me.  _

_ “Ummm….no,” he said and I averted my eyes. Not off to a great start, I don’t even know why I brought it up. I just wish he wouldn’t look around every time he kisses me in public. I wish he cared about me in public, it’s not like being gay isn’t normal now a days.  _

_ “Why not?” I asked him and he stopped before we got to the car.  _

_ “Um...it’s sort of...stupid to be honest,” he said and I raised my eyebrows.  _

_ “Stupid?” I asked, trying to not sound offended as I felt. _

_ “Yeah...uhhh I’ve been gushing to my Mom about you for a long time, but said that you weren’t interested in me at all. So...if I tell her what happened I’d never hear the end of it,” he said to me.  _

_ I couldn’t help it as I grabbed his collar and pulled him down to kiss him. He was surprised at first, but settled in as he rested his hands on my waist. “God you’re too cute.” I said as I broke away from the kiss.  _

_ He just stared at me for a moment. “I don’t think anyone has ever described me as cute in my life,” he said and I laughed as he moved over and opened the passenger door for me.  _

_ “Well you are, I said it so it can’t be wrong,” I said to him and he laughed as he shut the door for me and moved around to the driver’s side.  _

_ “Fine, I guess today I’m... _ cute _.” We both dissolved into a fit of giggles as he started the car up and reversed out of the driveway.  _

_ The car is so old it only has a cassette player. Today Daichi’s oldest brother has graced us with his vintage cassette collection and currently on the drive north we’re listening to Simon and Garfunkel. A strange choice, but somehow so inherently Daichi it’s almost incredible.  _

_ “So where are we going or am I just going to have to wait and see?” I asked him after around 10 minutes of driving. He was getting on the interstate so definitely a long drive.  _

_ “Uh...wait and see I guess, but it is going to be a drive. I’ve got a blanket for you, snacks, and that tea you like from the 7/11 on Baxter,” he said and I couldn’t help but just stare at him. “Babe you’re staring,” he said and I blushed at the pet name.  _

_ “Why can’t I? I rarely get to just look at you, and you look so handsome when you’re focused on the road,” I said to him, which made him blush.  _

_ “I dunno, it’s distracting,” he said and I smiled slyly as I let my hand slide up his thigh.  _

_ “I can be more distracting.” _

_ “Jesus, don’t tempt me,” he said as he playfully swatted my hand away _

_ “How long do I have to wait?” I asked him and he sighed loudly as he kept trying to focus on the road and not my hand moving up and down his thigh.  _

_ “Two and a half hours,” he said and I blinked at him.  _

_ “Come again?” _

_ “Two and a half hours.” _

_ “...one more time.” _

_ “Suga, it’ll be worth it I promise,” he said and I leaned back into my chair.  _

_ “I know it’ll be good, but I want to kiss you,” I said to him and he looked briefly towards me as he brushed his hand across my face.  _

_ “Do you want me to not crash the car or kiss you?” _

_ “Kiss me.” _

_ “At the next rest stop.” _

_ … _

_ “The next rest stop is in 93 miles.” _

_ “I said what I said.” _

_ “Daichi!” _

_ We hummed along to music, talked about different things, and I napped as we drove along down the interstate. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he was taking me to Glacier National Park. Surprisingly even though I’ve lived here for 8 years now my family never went here. I was excited to experience it with Daichi.  _

_ “Suga...babe...wake up,” Daichi said as he lightly shook my shoulder.  _

_ I hadn’t even realized I fell asleep, but opened my eyes and saw we were parked at a beautiful look out into a valley. It seemed like we were secluded here, like we were the only ones to have discovered this beautiful lake in the middle of the woods along the winding highway. It truly was breathtaking.  _

_ “Oh my god,” I didn’t have a better way of expressing my awe in the moment.  _

_ “See I told you it’d be worth it,” he said with his beautiful grin.  _

_ I couldn’t help myself as I basically jumped across the console into his lap and kissed him. It was awkward, kind of painful, and I hit the horn a couple times, but I couldn’t genuinely contain my love for him. How am I lucky enough that he’s mine. All mine. He loves me and I can’t imagine a world in which I’m not with him. Maybe I’m young, stupid, and idealistic, but jesus this is it.  _

_ “Suga there’s no easy way for me to say this, but this is kind of painful,” he said and we both laughed as we awkwardly stumbled out of the car together.  _

_ “I couldn’t help myself. I just love you so much,” I said with a wide smile.  _

_ He grabbed a bag out of the back of the car and when he turned towards me, he just had this mystified look on his face. Like he couldn’t quite believe this is what was happening. “I can’t believe I waited so long, seems like torture when I think about all the time I wasted,” he said as he put on the backpack and walked towards me.  _

_ “You sure did wait a long time. I flirted with you constantly, and you never said a damn thing about it,” I said as I grabbed his hips and pulled him towards me.  _

_ “Oh I noticed, it was torture. I’d go home and think about your lips all night,” he said to me and I couldn’t keep the giddy smile off my face as I reached up slightly to kiss him again. Something I’ll never get bored of in my life.  _

_ “Well glad you finally got your wits about you.” _

_ We went and explored the different trails and landmarks along the route through the national park. We took pictures, talked, kissed, and had a very beautiful lunch that Daichi made for me in the car with the heat on when we got too cold being outside for so long. We then drove into town and bought magnets at a tourist shop, and got coffee at a small café that had some of the best cupcakes I’ve ever had in my life. It was so simple and easy, but it was beautiful.  _

_ “That was incredible,” I said to Daichi as it was dark out now and we were driving back home. I just looked at his beautiful face as he was intermittently lit up by the passing lights along the road.  _

_ “I’m glad you had fun,” he said as he reached over with his free hand to hold mine.  _

_ We were quiet for a while, Daichi had chosen Elton John for the trip back, which I was happy with, especially when he’d hum along to the lyrics from time to time. It was adorable, and he seemed so content. Even though we’ve only been officially together for a couple weeks I feel like we’ve been together for our whole lives. Yet I can’t help but wonder if...he feels the same way.  _

_ “How’d you know?” Daichi asked suddenly and I blinked as I realized I’d been staring at him for almost half an hour now, daydreaming about our future together.  _

_ “Huh?” _

_ “That you liked me, like  _ that _?” He asked and I couldn’t help but laugh at his wording. Always the “Dad” of the group, he doesn’t like talking about lewd things, and he gets all flustered if you say something that’s too much for him to handle. It’s just some of the things that makes him Daichi. I love it.  _

_ “Probably from the minute I saw you.” I said confidently, and he went red in the face as he seemed genuinely surprised.  _

_ “What?” He finally sputtered out. “No way, that was like...8 years ago. We were 8 and-.” _

_ “I said what I said.” I pointedly told him.  _

_ “Jesus...I always knew you were confident. I just, it’s not like I don’t love you. That’s not what I worry about. I just didn't even see the signs. I didn’t notice that you were into me and you were being blatant about it. So I just...wanted to know how dense I’ve been,” he said and I stared at him.  _

_ “You are very dense when it comes to emotions, but it’s part of your charm. As long as you love me now, that’s all that matters,” I said to him, I was slowly drawing circles on his palm in my hand.  _

_ The conversation went quiet again for a moment as he thought through what I just said. “Do you think you’ll ever get bored of me?” He asked and I needed a minute to think.  _

_ “No.” _

_ “How do you know that?” _

_ “I just do.” _

_ “I-.” _

_ “Do you think you’ll get bored of me?” _

_ “No! That’s not-.” _

_ “Daichi, I love you babe, but you worry about  _ everything _.” I said to him finally and he let out a big sigh as he moved his hand to clasp mine.  _

_ “I just...don’t want to hold you back. I’m not into partying, or in your friend group. I don’t even know if we’ll get into the same university and-.” _

_ “Problems for later,” I said to him and he looked at me for a moment before looking back out the window.  _

_ “See...confident.” He said softly and I thought about what he said.  _

_ “Babe...I love you. If you do get bored of me one day, I’m just happy that I could have you for the time that I could,” I said to him and that didn’t seem to make him feel better as he continued staring ahead, his hand gripping mine a little too tightly.  _

Daichi always worries, a lot more than he’ll ever let anyone know. People always see him as the confident amazing guy they think he is, when in reality he talks to me for hours about what to do in situations, or he gets anxious when he remembers past mistakes. He has an incredible amount of pride, and often when things go wrong he blames himself even if it isn’t his fault. Yet even after all these years of knowing him he’s never just  _ ignored me _ . That is...until this last week. 

Four Days…

He hasn’t talked to me…

In  _ four days _

“I don’t mean to be rude, but it looks like you’re ready to strangle a kid,” Kaitlyn, another student teaching here, and a good friend from the program said as she walked into my classroom as I was seething in the back staring at my phone, willing it to do something. 

“Oh the kids aren’t the ones I’m going to strangle,” I said as I leaned back and sighed as I stared at the ceiling. 

Everyone always says how calm and collected I am. That I appear as if everything is “easy”, but that’s about as far from the truth as possible. I get annoyed, I’m sneaky, I like to push people’s buttons, I’m nosy, and a Mom to everyone I know. I just make people think I don’t get bothered by things, but I’m bothered by things  _ constantly _ . However there’s a bigger problem at hand than my student Roan sticking gum in Rylee’s hair. 

“He still hasn’t called? You sure? The guy who would run here during his break to give you your lunch because he wanted to see you,” Kaitlyn asked, and I knew she was just trying to be helpful, but it just made me that much more annoyed as I stared at the ceiling. 

“Yes I’m sure he hasn’t called. Nor has he texted, emailed, sent a letter through post, or just fucking faxed me. Maybe he sent me a telepathic message and I just haven’t received it yet,” I pressed my fingers on my temples to emphasize my point, which made Kaitlyn laugh a little, but I knew she was still worried. 

“Well haven’t you said how you both have been busy lately?” She asked me. “Didn’t he have that big game over the weekend?”

“Yeah, but that was 3 days ago. He didn’t even see me after the game. He straight up disappeared after the game, I couldn’t even enjoy the fucking party since I was looking for him the whole time.”

“Maybe he was tired or-.”

“No, it’s something else. It’s a lot bigger than any of this. I’ve known Daichi for over a decade now. He doesn’t just hide, he’s far too dense and confident to beat around the bush about something.”

“Well...what is it?” She asked me and I let my hands fall to my sides and I just sighed loudly before turning towards her. 

“That’s the million dollar question isn’t it?” I asked her as I stared down at the worksheets I still had to grade in front of me. “I sometimes worry if the idea of the “real world” is too much for him. I got worried a couple years ago when he didn’t want to move in with me. He got all red in the face and it was endearing, but in the end he declined, and still lives in that disgusting frat house. He could live with me, and we’d see each other more, and...I don’t know. I honestly thought he might propose soon, we’ve been together 7 years. Isn’t...this about time? I know I’m certain about my feelings, but he’s been different lately. Maybe he isn’t as sure as I thought he was. Sometimes I wonder if he’s bored of me,” I said, spilling my guts out to Kaitlyn. But she sat and listened attentively while nodding along. 

“I doubt he’s bored of you, no one can look at someone like he looks at you without being madly in love.” Yet her words didn’t make me feel any better. 

“You know, when Daichi finally told his parents that we were together, do you know what his Mom said?” A fond smile was growing on my face as I remembered. Back when we were both a little shorter, Daichi wasn’t as buff, and when I had tried dying my hair black for a while. A couple of misfits in love, he was the captain of the football team and I became the manager so we could be together on the side lines. A couple of idiots in love. 

“What did she say?” Kaitlyn asked and I huffed out a laugh as I smiled. 

“ _ What took you so long? _ ” I laughed even louder at the memory and she smiled fondly watching me laugh. 

“You two really are soul mates. All the girls were talking about you in the teacher’s lounge the other day. You’ll have to tell me how you landed such a wonderful man,” she said and the smile fell from my face as I leaned back. 

“I always thought that we were a forgone conclusion. I’d never been one to believe in fate, or the idea that my path was laid out for me long before I was even thought of. Yet...somehow when he showed up on my doorstep with a plate of cookies, standing in front of his Mom proudly my god I just knew he was it. He was my type, he was confident, a jock, but...it wasn’t just that. It felt like when I saw him everything clicked into place. This vague figure I’d picture when I imagined my future was now replaced with Daichi. Going to university with him, moving into an apartment with him, getting married, domestic life, adopting kids together. All of these dreams were with him. But...again I’m not sure anymore. I was always sure of my love, I’ve never even worried about this before. But, now it’s different. What if I’m the one that is pushing him along? He just feels bad and doesn’t want me to be sad if he doesn’t love me anymore? Maybe he’s just realized it or something…” I trailed off again as I stared ahead. 

“Again...I’m not sure what he’s thinking. He is an asshole currently until we are proven otherwise.” I nodded, and she leaped up to sit on the edge of my desk. “But...I doubt it’s any of that. Being an adult isn’t...as picture book as we all want it to be. These relationships, or ideas of the future are all taken from fairytales and movies since they’re all we have to shape our ideas around. Just because he’s been MIA for a few days, or that he didn’t want to move out with you, or any of these other things doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Nothing in life is going to be perfectly in order. Maybe he wants to wait until after school is over to move in with you. Maybe he has a valid reason for disappearing, maybe he really is going to propose and has been planning this elaborate scheme for months now. Either way...it’s not a good idea to catastrophize. You’re stressed out, and overworked. Why don’t you go home?” 

“I suppose,” I said as I stood up and grabbed my papers. “Thanks Kaitlyn, it means a lot,” I said with a warm smile and she nodded back to me. 

“No problem, it might not seem like it, but I think we’re friends. We’ve been in the same classes for 4 years now,” she said to me and I nodded. 

“You’re right, how’s it going with Ryan?” I asked her and I saw that look in her eyes as she looked away from me. 

“Good...really good,” she said and I nodded as I pulled on my jacket and scarf. 

“You’ll have to tell me more tomorrow,” I said to her as we both walked towards the door. 

“I will! I gotta finish cleaning up so you go on ahead.” She said as she waved and walked towards her classroom. 

Once she was gone I let the smile I had on the entire time drop from my face as I haphazardly chucked my phone into my messenger bag. There’s no reason to even look at it since he won’t fucking call me. I’d take anything at this point, but I’m more pissed that he’s making me feel so fucking desperate. What’s so different now? What changed during Homecoming weekend? It was a great game, the cultural festival was great, limited drama (sans Hinata and Atsumu but that’s a whole other story). I just wish he’d talk to me. We’ve always talked about everything, I don’t think either of us has any secrets, but...now doubt has set in. And I don’t know what to do with myself. 

“You can’t enter the school grounds without a pass.” I heard one of the administrators say. 

“No please, I need to see someone. Mr. Sugawara, he’ll-.”

“Like I said sir you’ll need to-.”

“Daichi?” I asked as I turned the corner and saw him standing in the open doorway looking disheveled with a bouquet of flowers. His cheeks were still red from the cold, his hair blown in every direction, but somehow he still looked as handsome as ever. 

“Suga, I’m so-.”

“Mrs. Pawlikowski I’m so sorry for his behavior.” I wanted to ignore him, make him feel a little desperate for once. I walked over to her and rested my hand on her arm. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t cause a stir like this again. I apologize,” I flashed her one of my signature smiles and it seemed to work as she fondly smiled back at me. 

“No problem Mr. Sugawara. Have a good night alright,” she said as she waved and I grabbed Daichi’s arm and pulled him out of the school. 

It wasn’t unbearably cold outside, but I was glad that I brought my scarf today. “Suga please can we talk.”

“Can’t I ignore you too? You seem to be good at it,” I said to him and he sighed loudly as he ran ahead and stopped in front of me. 

"I have a reason, really. But you can be mad at me, I deserve it,” he said to me and I hated how I just wanted to forgive him. Yet another part of me wants to push his buttons more. Maybe I’ll ignore him for 5 days, see how he likes it. 

“I can see you’re planning your revenge, but please I want to talk,” he sounded desperate. 

“Then talk, it’s a long way back to your gross frat house,” I said to him as I walked around him, but made sure he was following me. 

“We don’t have to go there, maybe your place if that’s fine?”

“Oh really? You always say it’s too far from campus.”

“Suga.”

“Or that it’s a 2 story walk up.”

“Suga.”

“Or any other reason, but it’s fine that I have to walk back in the dark from your gross house to my apartment.”

“Honey.”

“Why can’t I be mad?” I turned towards him finally and he didn’t seem to have an answer. “See...just...tell me why. I...thought you might...not love me anymore,” I said quietly, and Diachi seemed to go pale when I said that. “I’d always been so confident about this, our love, our future, but in four days you’ve whittled away at my confidence and now I don’t know what to do.” I said to him and he made a strained noise in his throat as he turned towards me. 

“I love you.”

“Do you?”

“Please say it back…” he sounded desperate so I stopped walking and fully turned towards him. 

“Earn it.” I said coldly as I walked forward leaving him in the dust. 

Yet he still was following me, I heard him the whole way home, across the street, up all two flights of stairs, and then they stopped right outside my door. I turned back as I was toeing off my shoes and saw him looking just broken standing in my doorway. There were some tears in his eyes, and he was biting his bottom lip like he was trying not to cry. I sighed loudly as I hung up my jacket and scarf and turned towards him. 

“Stop looking like a kicked puppy, come in. I’m going to change, make yourself at home,” I waved at the little living room and walked towards my room. 

I changed into some sweatpants and a fluffy sweater since my apartment doesn’t keep the heat very well. I put on my slippers and walked back out into the living room. To my surprise Daichi had put the flowers in a vase and placed them on the table, and currently he was in my small kitchen making some tea. I walked over behind him and wrapped my hands around his waist, pressing my face into his back. 

“Are you still mad at me?”

“It’s too hard to be mad at you when you bring me peonies in early November,” I said to him and I felt the tension leave his shoulders as he leaned forward, his hands gripping the counter. 

“I’m sorry.” He said it almost too quietly to hear. So I moved around so I was between him and the table. I reached up and placed my hands on either side of his face. 

“Babe, what’s wrong? Please talk to me, don’t make me beg,” I said to him with a soft smile, but he wouldn’t look at me. 

“Do you ever just...think about the fact that you can do so much better than me?” He asked me and I looked at him confused. 

_ Huh? _

“Babe what are you-.”

“Every time we’re at a club, or a party, and you’re out having fun while I drink on the sidelines I hear people constantly saying how attractive you are, people stare at you, you’re so popular and outgoing, and I’m... _ not _ .”

“Where’s all this coming from honey?” I asked him, but he shook his head. 

“You can disagree with me, but the fact of the matter is I’m  _ painfully  _ average. I get fine grades in school, I look like a normal dude, I'm just one of the members on the football team. You’re just so amazing and talented and beautiful and a million other things I just wonder if you want to be with someone else. I worry that I stole your ‘youth’.”

I sputtered out a laugh, but he seemed intensely serious. So I just stared at him for a moment, every moment I was quiet seemed to worry him more. I’m worried that if I let go of his face he’d pass out. “You’re so handsome, and wonderful, and smart, and beautiful, and a million other things. I’d never want to be with anyone else. I’ve genuinely never even thought about anyone else,” I said to him

“But you should, you-.”

“What’s really wrong babe? You wouldn’t ignore me for 4 days if you felt insecure. Talk to me, please,” I said to him and he sighed as he rested his forehead against mine. 

“After the game on Saturday...It just occurred to me that...we’re going into the real world. That I’m not a kid anymore, and...I just got really in my head about everything. I don’t have any doubts about this relationship, I’ve never loved anyone as much as you. The one who’s always there for me, the one who loves me unconditionally, it’s just a bonus you’re attractive,” he said and I poked his ribs making both of us laugh for a moment. 

I reached up and pulled his head down to kiss me. It felt nice and we spent a long time there as he pressed me into the counter. I reached down and pulled up the hem of his sweater and he nodded without saying a word and casually threw it to the side. “Beautiful,” I said to him as I looked at his chest, placing open mouth kisses on his collarbone. 

“It’s not-.”

“Babe you’re gorgeous stop ruining the moment.”

He laughed for a moment before his hands traveled down my back pulling up my sweater and tossing it aside as well. “You sure you want to have sex with me? I did just ignore you for four days?”

“Are you trying to get me to stop?” I asked him, and a devious smile appeared as I moved back from him and jumped on the counter so he had to sort of look up at me. “We haven’t had sex in a month Daichi, but fine if you don’t want to touch me,” I said to him as I licked my hand and pulled out my member from my pants. “I guess you’ll just have to watch,” I said to him and he leaned back against the island, a bewildered expression appeared on his face as he watched me. 

I really wanted to play into it, make him all hot and bothered. So I made sure to moan just right, take it slow and steady as I got myself off. After a while I looked down briefly and saw that he was painfully hard in his pants. His hands were gripping the table so hard his knuckles were white, but he just watched on helplessly. I couldn’t concentrate anymore though as I was getting closer. 

My eyes were closed and my breathing was a lot faster as I kept going. To my surprise I felt his hands on my waist as he pulled down my pants. I briefly looked up and saw him intensely staring at me. It made me cum almost instantly to see him watching me, the need in his eyes, and the way he was polite enough to wait for me to say something before he would participate sent me over the edge and I came into my hand. 

“How do you look so beautiful still? I look like a potato when-.”

“Stop ruining the mood,” I said covering his mouth with my non cum covered hand. 

He laughed loudly and nodded as he bent down, “sorry love.”

“Are you going to participate or am I going to have to do all the work?”

“Oh no I plan on doing  _ many _ things to you tonight,” he said with a smile as he stared intensely at me. 

“Really? Then come on,” I slid off the counter and pulled at his belt buckle. 

We did... _ lots  _ of things that night. On the counter, on the floor, on the bed, even in the shower. I think this might be a sign that I’m getting old because when I opened my eyes in the morning I thought I might have actually broken my back. I reached over towards where Daichi was, but...he was gone. I sat up and groaned loudly as I looked around. 

He cleaned up the room, I saw all the dirty clothes in the hamper, the sheets were changed, and I even saw my clothes set out. I slowly got up and put on my slacks before investigating further. I was happy to report when I looked into the mirror that Daichi didn’t manage to leave any marks on my neck. It’s his favorite thing, but it’s hard to explain to 10 year olds why I have a small bruise on my neck without getting a stern talking to by Mrs. Bitten. 

I padded out slowly into the living room and I saw Daichi standing in the kitchen. I moved to sit at the table and watch him, but I sucked in a breath as I moved when I forgot how much my back hurt. He turned when he heard the noise and again there was that worried look as he walked over to me with a coffee mug. 

“I’m sorry, did I go to-.”

“Daichi it’s fine, I’m just...feeling old I guess,” I said with a laugh and he just smiled at me as he kissed me quickly before going back to the kitchen. 

“You’re not old, we’re barely 23,” he said and I laughed as I leaned over on the table and sighed as I rubbed my back. 

“Yeah I said old,” he laughed from the kitchen and I heard a plate being set down in front of me and a chair moving. 

He prodded my leg with his foot a couple times before I finally sat up and smiled as I looked at the beautiful breakfast he made me. “I never get the chance to eat breakfast,” I said to him and he smiled as he watched me take a couple bites. 

“I thought I’d treat you,” he said to me quietly. 

“Damn I wish I could spend all day with you,” I said to him and he looked over my shoulder out the window. 

“You can.”

“No I can’t.”

“You can today.”

“Daichi that’s not how-.”

“It’s a snow day, a cold front blew in overnight. School’s closed for the day, I already checked this morning,” he said and I looked up at him confused. 

I reached around for my phone and remembered it was in the bedroom, but Daichi just slid his phone towards me and showed me that indeed there was no school today. “Just my luck,” I said with a bright grin. 

He smiled widely, but then he faltered for a moment. He sat up in his chair and he seemed to be thinking hard about something. “I love you, you know that right?” He asked after a while. 

“Yes, and I love you.”

“But do you?”

“Honey, I swear-.”

“No, it’s not like...anxiety, it’s...sorry that came out wrong. Can I try again?” He asked and I just nodded as I watched him try to piece together whatever he was trying to say. “I remember when we first got together I just couldn’t stop thinking why would you settle for someone like me?” He held his hand up when I was going to respond, so I just sat and listened while he talked. “Over the years I just kept thinking that it’ll be over, and that I’ll still be happy with whatever you chose because at least I got a few moments of happiness with you. Lots of people told me it wouldn’t last, that it seemed unlikely we would make it past high school. Lots of things change when you grow up, and there’s a reason there aren’t that many ‘high school sweethearts’ because we got into a relationship when we were 16. Statistically speaking it should have been a short meaningful relationship that was destined for failure that we’d look back on fondly as we grew up. But...it’s never been like that with you. I didn’t just want to date you because I thought you were beautiful or I just wanted to have sex with you. I mean those things are great, but it wasn’t just that.”

“I think the moment it really hit me just how in love I was with you was just this normal conversation we were having on our walk to school. It was cold, and you didn’t even have to go to practice, but you still walked with me in the morning. And you laughed at a stupid joke I said, and you just looked  _ so beautiful _ . I just couldn’t stop thinking about how I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you get away. Because no one would ever make me feel as incredible as I do with you.”

“Daichi-.” I wanted to hug him, kiss him, anything, but he just held up his hand again. 

“I just wanna finish before you talk otherwise I’ll lose it,” he said and I laughed as I brushed away the tears forming in my eyes. 

“Go ahead babe,” I said to him and he nodded as he reached across the table and held my hand, just a little too tight, but he does that when he wants to convey to me that he loves me. Constant reassurance of his affection. 

“I ignored you after the game not for some stupid reason, or my anxiety, or because of you or anything like that. It’s...my parents were here. Well they came to surprise me, and...we got talking about the future, and what jobs I’ve applied for, where I want to move. Am I going to stay in Pittsburg, or go back to Montana, or move somewhere else entirely. All of these questions got me thinking about...my future. Where I want to go, what I want to do, but most importantly...who I want to spend it with.”

I watched wide eyed as he let go of my hand and walked around the table and he crouched down in front of me and held both my hands. “I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I tried, and nothing. So in a spur of the moment decision the next morning after the game I hopped on a plane with my parents and went back to Montana. I guess Atsumu inspired me to take a spontaneous mental break down home visit,” he joked and I laughed, but my mind wasn’t exactly processing information as I saw him reach into his pocket. 

He pulled out a plain silver ring and I felt my breath catch in my throat. “Koshi Sugawara. I love you so much it hurts, you’ve been in my life for 15 years, you’ve been mine for 7, and I want to promise that you’ll always be mine forever. This is my Grandfather’s ring, my Grandmother gave it to me with her blessings. I also asked your parents for permission, your Dad cried,” he said with a smile and here I was crying in my living room. “So Koshi...will you marry me?” He asked earnestly. 

“Of course, oh my god of course you fucking idiot,” I said as I threw my arms around him and we crashed back onto the floor. 

“You probably shouldn’t call your fiancé a fucking idiot when he’s proposing to you.”

“Stop, you can’t say a speech like that and not expect me to cry,” I said through the tears, and he just rubbed my back fondly as he pressed kisses on my head. 

“I didn’t expect you to cry,” he said and he sat up, but kept me in his arms. 

“Put the ring on!” I said suddenly and he fumbled with it for a moment until he placed it on my ring finger gently and both of us smiled...a perfect fit. “It’s beautiful,” I kept on crying and he just wiped away my tears as he smiled at me, even though he was slightly tearing up now. “I have to get you a ring, and we’ve got to tell our parents, and...Jesus a wedding! We haven’t even talked about moving, or-.”

He cut me off with a kiss and I didn’t protest as I wrapped my arms around him and moved closer. After a long time of just languidly kissing he moved back slightly to smile at me. “Let’s move to Nashville,” he said and I just blinked at him. 

“What?” I asked confused. 

“I’ve got a few job offers there, we always wanted to live somewhere with less snow, but not too hot. Plus we can get a job outside of the city. We can rent a place together, and I can see about going to the police academy, and you can substitute teach, or get a job there and...I don’t know that’s as far as I got,” he said and I laughed as I nodded. 

“That sounds wonderful. I want to be with you forever, let’s have our next adventure be together too,” I said to him and he smiled as he kissed me again. 

The future is scary, we’ve got over 60 years to look forward to. Decisions to make, bills to pay, hours to work, but above all that I’ve got 60 years of love to give to this wonderful man. We spent the rest of the day lazily watching the Great British Bake Off in the living room as he massaged my back and made me food. We talked about life, and I called my parents to tell them the news. They are shipping Dad’s ring for Daichi to wear so we both have our family’s blessings and a direction to go in for the future. 

“I love you.” I said to him as he lazily played with my hair. 

“Love you too.”

These are just a few words, but they mean so much more with the history that we share. His love is imbued with fond memories of countless dates over the years, his lips, or the way he always manages to smell like cinnamon without even trying. He loves me completely and I’ve never actually worried once about his love for me. It’s unquestioning and bold, but it’s me, and it’s what I’m happy to give him. I’ll give this man my body and soul because I know he’ll do the same for me. 

_ It was instinctive the way I fell for you. _

_ Like an effortless intake of breath _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A PROPOSAL AGGGGHHHHHH Like bro I can't tell you how much I love them. I'm Atsuhina all the way but my true OTP is DaiSuga because wow I love Mom and Dad XD
> 
> Love you all! See you in a couple weeks!
> 
> Hello friendos I've got a twitter now! I'm new to technology, but if you wanna talk more about the fic hit me up! @rusduv4


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